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The Big 30 - A Peaceful Turbulence (Prose)

Updated on February 19, 2012
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Shocked by the lead-up and self-searching thoughts

Seeking out others who’ve already walked the path

The one that’s apparently freeing and adult.


Arriving tired, amused and excited, baffled and united

Estranged from all I have been and all I am to become.


The space is quite tricky, exhausting,

Filled with unfulfilled dreams and regret

Fretting at the sound of

An echo, a desperate longing

For something more;


Something inner is restless.

A bird scratching the surface of its wings

Stands by my window debating the myth of flying;


Surprised; the lead-up to this one simple day

Surrounded in dread,

Is in truth, what really rocks

The boat in the murky waves


Intrigued, I am tiny, now floating

In vast and blue streams of water;


Looking up above at clear and endless skies

Of comfort, softness and bouncy cotton wool clouds;

Above green and abundant valleys,

Where twisting paths and allies await me


But before this point,

Before feeding off the depth

that’s a new home,

I elaborate on,

The thoughts, the feelings of torment...


A realisation of one personally created trap;

One that’s colourfully aided

By social concepts;


That seem to have set me up

for disappointment.


My mind becomes busy and loud

With self-sabotaging clutter,

A moment, a gut feeling, a flutter


Why has such and such not happened?

Where am I?

Where am I going?

Am I too late?

Wait!


Inside and out tears fall as fantasises

Experience all things

I should be, but I am not…


Then, slowly an unfulfilling zone of comfort

Fades in the distance;

Something bigger and owned

Fills and nourishes my hunger

Rising on the horizon,

Threatened by another killing

Still fearing,

the loss of once adamant being.


I still rise to breathe in the oranges, yellows and greens

Mindfully unveiling the greys and the bleak darkness

Accepting that questioning stays

And joyfully drinking the fountain of

Creativity

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    • Nat Amaral profile image

      Nat Amaral 5 years ago from BC Canada

      A beautiful poem. It describes hitting the 30 all to well (this was how I felt when I turned that age, and my life changed even more as well). You become wiser. Loved this piece!

    • iva dragostinova profile image
      Author

      iva dragostinova 5 years ago from Brighton, UK

      Thank you Nat, it's a funny time. Now that I'm here it feels quite good, though I'm yet to tick many boxes...Thank you again for you kind words.

    • sarcasticool profile image

      sarcasticool 5 years ago from New Zealand

      Great poetry. I feel you poetry touch me as my own. I know that path, I feel your meanings in more ways than words can describe, that only a poem can capture. Thank you for sharing.

    • iva dragostinova profile image
      Author

      iva dragostinova 5 years ago from Brighton, UK

      sarcasticool, thank you so much! It means a lot that my words convey something real that can be felt and related to. Thank you for reading.

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