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Top 10 Superhero vs Superhero Battles
Top 10 Superheroes Vs Matches for Your Inner Comic Book Geek
As any avid comic book fan would tell you, the first thing superheroes do when they encounter each other is not to team up. Nay, that would be logical. The first thing superheroes do when they cross paths is GET...IT...ON! So why do superheroes fight each other? Because it makes for good comic books, son. Don't question it.
If you're the type of guy that sports a skintight Black Lightning costume at a comic book convention, this article is for you. If you're above the age of 30 and you live in your parent's basement, you'll enjoy the crap out of this. If you have never read a comic book and think they're for kids or weirdos, you suck. Read it anyway.
On with the mothaluvin' countdown!
Aquaman video on YouTube - Aquaman fighting Namor, Prince Namor vs Aqua man, Aquaman vs Namor
10. Aquaman vs. Prince Namor
It's a fish fry!
In this corner, you have Prince Namor who has a bad attitude and some pointy freakin' ears. And in the other corner, you have Aquaman. Yeah...Aquaman.
Hopefully there is some water around somewhere when these 2 meet or it's gonna be over with before it starts. While the combatants are fairly evenly matched, I have Aquaman coming out on top. His telepathic ability to summon guppies would totally take out Namor.
True story--when I was little, I had a Super Powers Aquaman action figure chilling in my fish tank, trident in hand. He had that corny grin on his face that was a requirement of all superheroes back in the day. Anyway, I would strategically place little fish food pellets on Aquaman's privates and then watch the fish go all piranha on his junk! Suck it, Aquachump. I am the boss of you.
9. Green Lantern vs. Silver Surfer
Two cosmic dudes.
This is one of the more difficult battles to dissect. I mean, Hal Jordan is an O.G. (Original GL) but the Silver Surfer can fly through space and he's shiny. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
After a lot of back and forth tussling, big green boxing gloves flying, and pinkish cosmic energy zappin', ultimately Norrin Rad wins this one. That pains me to admit, as a huge Green Lantern fan. But the Surfer would totally kick sand in GL's face and then take his girlfriend. Take her somewhere inappropriate!
Silver Surfer FTW!
Green Lantern vs Silver Surfer Comic Book - GL vs Silver Surfer comic
8. Daredevil vs. Nightwing
I'm not handicapped! I'm handicapable!
Let's not even waste time on this one. Sure, Matt Murdock is all emo-moody and he's got a sweet billy club (which really pisses Billy off) and that kooky radar sense. But Nightwing is Batman's prodigy. I mean, c'mon. He's like Batman lite. He's Batman minus the rage. He's Batman Jr. and he don't need no stinkin' sidekick.
He's Bat-tastic, that's what he is.
After making fun of his handicap and farting in his general direction, Dick Grayson smacks DD upside the head with a Batarang and KRAKOW! Good night, sister.
Nightwing vs Daredevil YouTube Video - Daredevil vs Nightwing
7. Hawkman vs. Angel
Where's my BB gun?
Hawkman all the way on this one. Sure, Angel can Hulk out and turn into Archangel on command now. His razor sharp wingblade thingys are pretty impressive and could do some serious damage. But Hawkman is pure testosterone. He drinks gasoline and kicks puppies. He would take Angel's library card and totally rip it in half with total disregard for the .05 cent per day late fees. That's the kind of monster he is.
As a side note, if I had wings my superhero name would be Birdpoop Man. I would probably be classified as a villain though, 'cause I would fly around the city and drop turds on unsuspecting passersby. Incoming!
6. Hercules vs. Thor
Asgard! Get it? *Snicker*
Let's be honest, Mjolinir gives blondie an unfair advantage here. Were this a fair fight and no weapons allowed, Herc would just barely have the edge over Thor. But ol' Goldilocks don't fight fair!
After giving Thor a good whuppin' and pulling the wings off his little jew-helmet, Thor gets all kindsa pissed and fries Hercules with a blast of lightning from yon sky! (Wait a minute...isn't thor the God of THUNDER? How does he summon lightning? Hrm...)
Verily, Thor FTW!
Hercules vs Thor YouTube Video - Thor vs Hercules
5. Wonder Woman vs. She-Hulk
Cat Fight! Meow.
Anybody that knows anything about chick fights realizes that there are only 2 types of chick fights in existence: 1) tickle fights, and 2) pillow fights. There is simply no need for a third.
So who wins the match? I'll tell you who wins. Men. A few strategically torn articles of clothing and lots of inappropriate grappling later, and men the world over win.
Other than that, Wonder Woman won.
Wonder Chick FTW!
Wonder Woman vs She-Hulk YouTube Video - She-Hulk fights Wonder Woman
4. Batman vs. The Punisher
The Big Pun is all guns, and Batman hates guns. Hates 'em like Rosie O'Donnell hates dieting. And men.
Frank Castle is the baddest of the bad and pure rage. Bats has his share of rage too but he has learned to temper and channel it. This would be a very bloody, cutthroat battle. Ultimately, using his keen intellect, mastery of various martial arts and bat-shark repellant, Bruce Wayne comes out on top. But the Punisher escapes to fight another day screaming, "Can't catch me!"
Batman vs The Punisher YouTube Video - Punisher vs Batman
3. Batman vs. Captain America
Bruce vs. Steve -- battle of the terrible first names, begin!
What the deuce? Batman shows up twice on this list, AND twice in a row? Yeah, turns out he does. Deal with it.
This long lasting battle would consist of counter move after counter move. Both warriors would struggle to gain an edge over the other. Eventually, Batman would find some weakness to exploit and slap the wing-tips off Cap's face. Standing over his foe in victory, Batman exclaims, "Captain America? More like Captain A-hole!"
Batman's a jerk.
Batman vs Captain America Comic Books - Captain America vs Batman comics
2. Captain Marvel (Shazam!) vs. Superman
Shouldn't his name be Captain DC? I'm just sayin'.
Hard to believe anyone could beat Superman. I mean, he's Superman. He's the manliest of men. He's the dude that girls want and guys want to be like. And let's be honest, some guys probably want to "like" him too. Like him at the Hotel No-Tell.
I'm sorry but Captain Marvel emerges as the winner here. Little Billy Batson pops a zit and then screams out Shazam!, turning into that dude wearing Flash's costume but with a cape. Cap's magic-based powers give him the edge since everybody knows Superman is only vulnerable to Kryptonite and magic. Oh, and a really nice floral arrangement.
Captain Marvel FTW!
Superman vs Captain Marvel DVD - Superman vs Shazam animated movie, Superman vs Shazam blu-ray
1. Thing vs. The Hulk
Time to clobber-smash?
The Battle Royale, the Main Event, the Fight of the Century! Or at least of this article.
Thing is orange and made of rocks. Strong ones. Hulk is green and wears him some magically stretchy purple pants. Why did we just discuss that? I don't know.
The Thing is slightly less strong but obviously has intellect (barely) as an advantage. The Hulk is a french fry short of a Happy Meal but he has this in his back pocket: the madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets. And it just so happens that the Hulk gets pissed pretty freakin' easy.
In the beginning of their titanic tussle, the match would be fairly even. But as time passes and Hulk becomes angrier, he starts to completely hand the Thing his a$$. Coulda seen that coming.
Hulk vs The Thing Comic Book - Thing vs The Hulk comic
Uh, you're welcome.
So that's it. Hope you enjoyed yourself on our little walk through the beatdowns on Superhero Street. We have an equally awesometastic article about the Top 10 People Mr. T Should Beat Up if you'd like to give it a read. Which you would.
And I'm out like a fat kid in dodgeball. Peace and chicken grease!