ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing

Entertaining Ways to Torture Your Apartment Neighbors

Updated on August 29, 2013
Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannie has been writing for HubPages for over 5 years. She covers a wide variety of topics—anything from hamsters to office work.

Fun Times

So your neighbor kept you awake all night because of their big, blaring loud party. It's not so much you didn't get any sleep, but hey, they didn't even invite you. Maybe you want to get a little revenge for that. Perhaps you live next to a really nosy neighbor. Every time you walk out your apartment door you are ambushed with questions, complaints, etc. You need to get this person back.

I am not saying you should be mean. Of course not! But you should have a little fun. I have some suggestions on how to torture your neighbors in the most entertaining ways possible. Fun times, my friends, fun times.

Some Fun Suggestions

  • Do you have that Vanilla Ice CD from the early '90s? Of course you do. I know you won't admit it, but it is somewhere in that apartment. Take it out and start blasting Ice Ice Baby. You need to play it at least 10 times. If possible, break out some of those old dance moves you haven't had a chance to perform in a while. That will add a little something special to the experience.
  • Get a CD with barking dogs on it. Play the CD on a regular basis near the door. Whenever you leave the apartment, the nosy neighbor will ask where you are keeping all those dogs. You can then simply state, "Dogs? What dogs? You must be hearing things."
  • Pretend you have a roommate. Every time you talk to the nosy neighbor or an annoying neighbor, refer to your roommate. You can even give him a great name like Sir Bernard or something. When your neighbor admits they've never seen Sir Bernard, tell them it's because you keep him locked in the closet. That one will keep them guessing. Better yet, tell them he is standing right beside you and ask if they see him.
  • Do you have a real dog or a cat in your apartment? Trust me, that is annoying enough. You won't even have to do anything else. The smell and noises will torture everyone on your floor and potentially the floor below.
  • Do you burn your food a lot? If so, open your door. Why not share the burning odor with everyone? Also, if your fire alarm goes off, that is just going to turn up the torture a notch. If you set off the fire alarm for the entire hallway, even better. If you set off the firm alarm for the whole building, this is an epic prank, but you are probably the most obnoxious neighbor ever.
  • Set your alarm clock to go off at times when you are not even in the apartment. Crank it up so everyone can enjoy it. By the time you get home, you may just find a really "colorful" note on your door.
  • Does your apartment have a pool? Excellent. Make sure to take a boom box from back in the day, and bring it to the pool. Play some old school music and start asking people if they would like to have a dance battle. Are you overweight? Even better. Wear the skimpiest bathing suit you have the nerve to put on. Nothing is creepier than a person wearing barely any clothes challenging you to a dance battle by the pool.
  • Build furniture all night long. Seriously, I have heard this before in my apartment building. What is going on? Are people building shelving units or kitchen tables to sell on Craigslist or something?
  • Knock on your neighbors' doors to borrow random things. Ask if you can borrow a spatula, but it has to be a gray one. Ask if you can borrow a bathroom scale and when they hand it to you, sit it down in the hallway, hop on, and say, "Thought so." Then just hand it back and don't say another word.
  • Use all the hot water. This is a super annoying torture strategy. You must really hate your neighbors to try this and you probably hate the environment to waste that much water.
  • Have a rap battle on your balcony at 6 o'clock in the morning.  It helps if you and your friends are terrible rappers.  I am adding this since I heard this occur this morning.

Boredom, My Old Friend

I can't believe you are still reading this.  Obviously, you must be pretty bored.  Of course, I am pretty bored which is why I am writing this.  Nonetheless, I hope you've enjoyed this.  Hope you are having a great day and happy pranking.  Oh, and if you end up in jail, don't blame this hub.  Come on, dude.  You knew better than to listen to anything I said.

Be a Good Neighbor with Mister Rogers!


Submit a Comment

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Hey, you are just trying to spice up their lives with your cheers. They should be grateful for that! Thanks for dropping by my hub and thanks for the comment!

  • Laura M-C profile image

    Laura Mahon 2 years ago from Ireland

    I have to say I actually do a lot of these things regularly. We have an apartment neighbor who, when getting 'intimate', must perform the same script at the same time every week. It sounds like they are torturing an injured seal. After two years of this I think it is perfectly acceptable to add to their moments of passion with cheers of encouragement... I don't think they like it though.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I used to do some of these in the dorm way back in the day. Other than that, yes, I have had some rude neighbors a time or two. ;-)

  • Laura in Denver profile image

    Laura Deibel 4 years ago from Aurora

    Have your neighbors tried some of these techniques with you!?!?

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    This is true. Maybe I will try that for Halloween.

  • profile image

    Anon 6 years ago

    You posted some very good suggestions. How about tape recording the sound of a chain saw and driping water. I bet these would be big hits in any complex...Just kidding.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you for your comment. I should add a new one: spray the fire extinguisher and set off all the fire alarms in your building. Someone did that last night and I spent some time on a sidewalk in the middle of the night watching firetrucks and firefighters. I would like to hurt whoever did that.

  • Seeker7 profile image

    Helen Murphy Howell 6 years ago from Fife, Scotland

    Great hub and some funny but excellent ideas for crappy neighbours!!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you so much. I am glad you appreciate my craziness. I am a little out there.

  • imatellmuva profile image

    imatellmuva 6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

    Jeannieinabottle, guuurrrl you are aboslutley crazeee! I thought I was crazeee, and you are beating me...this is absolutley one of the funniest things I've read in a long time...well, aside from your other hubs!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for the comments. Thankfully the apartment building I am in now is pretty nice. Not too many annoying neighbors right now.

  • VividImage profile image

    VividImage 6 years ago from Chandler, Arizona

    Enjoyed reading this Hub! Thanks for sharing

  • Cogerson profile image

    Cogerson 6 years ago from Virginia

    A very funny hub...I really enjoyed reading....and I am so glad my apartment days in well in the past....voted up

  • Vishaaa profile image

    Vishaaa 6 years ago from Somewhere on this earth..

    It's awesome. Great hub I have ever read(Funny one).Keep writing dear. I'd like to try borrowing things from neighbors and the roommate story. :D

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for the advice. There are so many hubs on here. Sometimes it can be overwhelming!

  • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

    Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

    Thanks Jeannieinabottle, glad you enjoyed mine too. I usually do a search under a title similar to what I am trying to find, and select search 'Hubs' as the option. Mind you, I wouldn't worry too much, as loads of subjects have been covered multiple times by different Hubbers, each with their own 'take' on the subject. These Hubs can help build viewings to the site as a whole because they will all appear in the same area on the right hand pane of the hubs in question, therefore keeping visitors on the site longer with a bit of luck :) (on a profile page I use the 'More' option' to view the Hubber's entire list of Hubs.)

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for the comment. I just searched and found your hub as well. I love your suggestions. I didn't even realize you had a hub about the same thing. I wish there was an easier way to find hubs on profile pages. Maybe there is and I just haven't figured it out yet.

  • mistyhorizon2003 profile image

    Cindy Lawson 6 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

    Excellent Hub, loved it loads, especially because of my recent hub on 'How to Annoy Your Neighbours', (based on my Sister's problem neighbour). You might enjoy it if you want to track it down (won't post a link here for obvious reasons). Love so many of your ideas in this hub, must pass them on to her as well. Nicely done :)