ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing

Ridiculous Everyday Excuses

Updated on September 29, 2011

“Excuses are nothing but polite lies”

Excuses? We love to make them. One of the easiest things to do in this world is to give excuses. This is usually because when we give excuses, we are simply absolving ourselves from the pre and after effects of whatever the status quo is.

But the saddening truth is that excuses are usually lies. Ok. Let’s say polite lies because excuses are usually made politely but this fact may not easily be accepted nor recognized or even settle down well with you simply because:

1) It is easy to do as it is usually done with little or no thinking.

2) You are supposed to understand.


3) You will understand.

I am not saying that all excuses are not excusable because sometimes there’s little or nothing one can do to help out in certain cases.

But then, what I am trying to say it is no most times if only we take that extra pain and effort in thinking twice and looking at things the way they really are, we might just realize how ridiculous making [certain] excuses actually are because it exposes how unfeeling, unsympathetic, harsh, or callous, unloving, selfish, gullible, delusional as well as stupid people could be sometimes.

If you think I don’t know what I am saying, then follow me as I touch on some of those ridiculous everyday excuses we are normally caught up in at one time or another.

OK. Let’s listen in to some of the things we normally say by the way of an excuse.

We are all sinners

And so? What do we do again? Let’s just continue in our sins because after all WE are all sinners and sinning is our second nature. And if worse comes to worse, it will always do us well to remember that we are very lucky and blessed to have a very forgiving Father in Heaven who is always more than ready to forgive us all our follies and misdeeds ANYTIME we penitently ask.

At this stage, permit me to laugh out aloud in silence.

I have no choice

OK. And with that type of explanation, everything that happened happened because they just had to happen. There are no two ways about it. Case closed.

But let’s step back and look at it all once more. Did you say you had no choice? Are you sure There was nothing else more reasonable you could have done other than this?

There was nothing else you could have done when your superior in the army orders you to destroy everything within sight with your firepower? There was nothing else you could have done to allow this level of corruption to go on?

It really sounds somehow to me but then I am not in your shoes so I wouldn’t know what and why you acted the way you did after all I am not even here to judge you as I am not even qualified to do that. Or am I?

The Lord will provide

I am not saying that the Lord will not or never provide but what I am trying to say is that until He does, just so you know, you are solely responsible for the provision of whatever you want. That is the quote I learnt from one of my favorite books The Mafia Manager by Mr. V. So get that into your head and stop deluding yourself that it is all well because it is not.

It’s not my fault. What else do you want me to do?

Aah!!! Similar to the I-have-no-choice situation! Not again. You are trying to pass the blame again. If it is not your fault, then whose is it? Don’t bother to answer, I know it is not your fault, neither is it mine. See my friend, don’t you think it’s high time you start doing what you are paid or supposed to do ALL the time rather than hiding behind your desk telling me that it is not your fault.

What do you expect?

What do I expect? Of course, I expect you to do what is right i.e. what you are supposed to do and not just seating there behind your desk like you have been doing here for many years, telling me this nonsense and asking me what I expect. You just want to make stupid and irreparable mistakes look as if it is just another case of one of those things, huh? Ha!

I know you can understand

Of course. No problems. I know you know. I will definitely understand why you are doing this to me or handling the whole thing this. You don’t need to remind me that you are not the owner of the business you are trying to ruin with you I-don’t-care nonchalant attitude. You don’t need to remind me that it is nothing personal even as you hand over to me that well constructed sack letter you typed while sipping cold beer last night. But I hope you know that I know you will understand when my time comes to pay you back? Or won’t you?

It’s not what you think. I can explain…

Then you better start telling and explaining to me what it is fast! Because there is no way on earth that you can explain to me that I don’t know what I just saw. Are you trying to tell me now that I am so foolish almost like a dullard that I don’t know how to call a spade a spade when I see one?

Okay, since you know what I think it is, why don’t you tell me what it is that I think it is, for a start?

Give me a break

Hey! You can take as much break as you want. You are free. Take your time, take as much time as you want or will. But one thing you must know. As long as you are through with your recess, I will still be here waiting to hear you tell me the real reasons why you did what you did. There’s no escaping for you, today! It won’t work today. It won’t work again.

What’s your business?

My business? In the fact that you just want me to watch you destroy your live with booze and drugs? Or in the fact that you seem to have forgotten the value of human life with your reckless lifestyle? Tell me, is it in the fact that you seem not to be making any headway in life and I am willing and ready to make some practical suggestions to you? And you are here looking down at me in that condescending manner, asking me whether it is my business…

I just don’t get it.

It doesn’t concern me. It’s not my problem

This is the king of all excuses. Who doesn’t know that it doesn’t concern you? Come to think of it, nothing really concerns you except your daily meal, am I right?

But you will only know the real meaning of that false statement you offhandedly make almost all the time when on the day you ask me for help and I kindly and politely tell you that after all, IT DOESN’T CONCERN ME!

And when you try to force my hand, I will politely remind you that IT’S NOT MY PROBLEM…

Then your eyes will open.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Emmyboy profile image

      Emmyboy 6 years ago from Nigeria

      I hope that does not mean you've been caught in the trap too?

      But it's no longer a problem since you now know.

      Thanks for reading.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 6 years ago from The Caribbean

      Never thought of them as polite lies, but I will now. Thanks!

    • profile image

      reeltaulk 6 years ago

      It's no longer ridiculous it's actually becomes annoying if you entertain them lol @ some of your lines