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Synopsis of My Book About Relationship Mistakes That Men Make
Many times I questioned myself, asking why I repeated the same mistakes, never committing to marriage even though I always enjoyed being in a relationship.
A dream of mine had always been to be in a permanent relationship, create a family, and enjoy years of building memories that we can look back on in old age with the feeling of satisfaction.
However, I never let that happen. Later in life I looked back on it and wondered, "What Was I Thinking?" That's how I came up with the title for my book.
My mission with writing it was to share the lessons I've learned from my mistakes, in hopes to helps others.
I had the manuscript reviewed by a prominent psychologist to assure the accuracy of my opinions. He caught something that needed to be corrected, and in the process I learned something new. I consider it a never-ending process to continually improve.
Each chapter has a special focus on giving specific tips and advice that should help one understand various issues men have. I applied the knowledge I have developed with the wisdom and age, and I present the material with an honest explanation of the mistakes I've made prior to achieving that wisdom.
Summary of Each Chapter
Chapter One: Knowing It - A Short Story
I set the stage in the first chapter with a short story of an experience I had meeting a wonderful woman. In the years we were together I found myself really knowing that she was the one. However, I failed to acknowledge that because I thought I was finding too many problems with her. Later in the book I discuss how I realized the problems were only in my own mind.
Chapter Two: Vision
What is the most important thing in a relationship? Vision!
My second chapter deals with this concept I discovered later in life, the ability to visualize one's future with an existing relationship. It helps appreciate what you've got.
Chapter Three: Being Available
How do you make your relationship better? You've got to be emotionally available.
A therapist made me aware of the correct way to be emotionally available. After fully understanding this I had dedicated a full chapter to the concept of knowing when we are right and when we are wrong.
Chapter Four: Verification
What are the qualities of a good relationship?
I know some people who stay in an abusive relationship and refuse to listen to the advice of friends. Being committed may be one thing, but sometimes one needs to know if they are in a truly bad relationship.
I learned that I needed to verify the qualities of a good relationship after wasting years of not doing so. In chapter four I talk about when to stay, and when one needs to leave.
Chapter Five: The Spectrum of Reality
How do you build a strong relationship? By being in the moment at all times.
I tend to have a creative way of looking at things and enjoyed writing chapter five about what I called "The Spectrum of Reality." It's my way of guiding my reader to recognize where they are failing to see the reality of a relationship.
Chapter Six: Life's Rude Awakening
This is a concept I came up with. I actually had trouble expressing this idea and a psychologist who helped proofread my manuscript had told me I was wrong. Once you hear what I said you might also think "Glenn doesn't know what he's talking about!"
Here's my concept... "The best relationship is with someone you don't have a personal interest in as a lifetime partner."
Well, I'm glad I had my manuscript reviewed by actual psychologist. Thanks to his constructive criticism, I rewrote chapter six and got his approval.
There really is a meaningful explanation for why a relationship can be great if you have no interest in the other person. I explain it in detail in chapter six.
Chapter Seven: Communicating Thoughts and Feelings
The book wouldn't be complete if I didn't include a chapter on communicating. In this chapter I introduced my method of keeping a journal of thoughts and feelings to communicate with my inner self.
I found it helpful to write about my thoughts and feelings in a journal to review later—sometimes years later. It was almost like the "me from the past" communicating with the "me of the future."
Hey, if your friends don't guide you, maybe your prior self will. It's like the reverse of your future self coming back to tell you everything you did wrong.
Chapter Eight: Dealing with Disappointments
We'll always have disappointments in life from time to time and we need to deal with them in a constructive way. However, we also need to appreciate who we are and not let people abuse our kind nature.
People should treat us with respect and we shouldn't accept anything less!
Chapter Nine: Relationship Realism
Chapter nine is about being realistic—a concept of mine I call "relationship realism."
Once I said to a friend, "Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect." I amazed myself when I said that. I don't know where it came from. It just popped out of my head. Sometimes we guide other people better than we guide ourselves. I wish I had considered that when it mattered.
Chapter Ten: Micro Reality, Ultimate Goal
Pursuing our goals is an important topic if one is to be successful with any endeavor in life. I always found an easy way to avoid procrastination by following small easy-to-handle micro-steps.
I call my concept "Micro Reality." It's my own version of successfully reaching our goals one step at a time. Sometimes we just need to make those steps a little smaller in order to climb them with ease. It works!
Chapter Eleven: Deal Breakers
My focus throughout the book was on recognizing how our attitude causes some of us to fail to commit.
I still have to admit that there are two sides to the story. There are some real situations where we might actually be right.
When I struggled with my habit of finding fault, I ended up spending a lot of time in bad relationships because I thought it was just me being me again.
It took a lot of insight to become aware that some things are deal breakers.
Chapter Twelve: Creative Thoughts of Inspiration
With my creative side I often came up with interesting concepts that people have said are quite meaningful. I also like to give these concepts creative names.
Some inspirational concepts I include in chapter twelve are Easy Rejection Syndrome, Heavenly Love, Power Planning, and The Stream Of Life. You'll have to read the book to find out what they're all about.
Chapter Thirteen: A Bachelor's Poems
When I feel emotional about someone I tend to become poetic. I had saved most of the poems I wrote about relationships over the years.
I decided that a good conclusion for a book offering a new start in life is to include a few of my poems that are related to the subject—and that's how it begins.
© 2012 Glenn Stok