A Behind-the-Scenes Look at My Book on Relationships: What Was I Thinking?
Many times I questioned myself, asking why I kept making the same repeated mistakes, never committing to marriage even though I always enjoyed being in a relationship.
A dream of mine had always been to be in a permanent relationship, create a family, and enjoy years of building memories that we can look back on in old age with the feeling of satisfaction.
However, I never let that happen. Later in life I looked back on it and wondered "What Was I Thinking?" That's how I came up with the title for my book.
My mission was to share the lessons I've learned from my mistakes, based on my own experiences.
Background of the Writing Process
I wrote each chapter with a focus on giving tips and advice that should help one understand various issues men have. I had the manuscript reviewed by a prominent psychologist to assure the accuracy of my opinions.
He caught me on something in one chapter that needed to be corrected. In the process I learned something new. I love learning new things. I consider it a never-ending process for all of life.
As I wrote the book, I also paid close attention to the logical flow in an effort to clearly get all the points across that I was making. I studied logic in college and that came in handy, especially for another book I had published that was technology related.
Speaking of logic flow, I caught a mistake as I was proofreading. I had discussed something that once happened and later gave some background that would have made it more meaningful. I was glad I did a lot of proofreading because I was able to switch two chapters around to correct that logic flow before going to final publication.
Below is a summary of each chapter as a behind-the-scenes review.
Summary of Each Chapter
- Chapter One: Knowing It - A Short Story
I set the stage in the first chapter with a short story of an experience I had meeting a wonderful woman. In the years we were together I found myself really knowing that she was the one. However, I failed to respond to that feeling because I thought I was finding too many problems with her. Later in the book I discuss how the problems were only in my head.
- Chapter Two: Vision
My second chapter deals with a concept I discovered later in life, the concept of visualizing one's future, and thereby being able to plot a constructive path towards a vision of our future.
- Chapter Three: Being Available
A therapist made me aware of the correct way to be emotionally available. After fully understanding this I had dedicated a full chapter to the concept of knowing when we're right and knowing when we're wrong.
- Chapter Four: Verification
I learned that I needed to verify the genuineness of a relationship after wasting years of not doing so. In chapter four I talk about when to stay, and when one needs to leave.
I bet you know someone who stays in an abusive relationship and refuses to listen to his or her friends. I know two people like that. It's frustrating when you try to help them and they just dig themselves deeper and deeper into more trouble. Being committed may be one thing, but there are times when one needs to know that they need to leave.
- Chapter Five: The Spectrum of Reality
I tend to have a creative way of looking at things and enjoyed writing chapter five about what I called "The Spectrum of Reality." It's my way of guiding my reader to recognize where they are failing to see the reality of a relationship.
- Chapter Six: Life's Rude Awakening
Chapter six deals with a concept I came up with. I actually had trouble with this concept because a psychologist who helped proofread my manuscript had told me I was wrong. Once you hear what I said you might also think "Glenn doesn't know what he's talking about!"
Here it is... I've discovered that the best relationship is with someone you don't have a personal interest in as a lifetime partner.
Well, I'm glad I had my manuscript reviewed by actual psychologist. Thanks to the constructive criticism, I rewrote chapter six and got his approval. There really is a meaningful explanation for why a relationship can be so great if you have no interest in the other person. I explain it in detail in chapter six.
- Chapter Seven: Communicating Thoughts and Feelings
The book wouldn't be complete if I didn't include a chapter on communicating. In that chapter I introduced my method of keeping a journal of thoughts and feelings to communicate with my inner self.
I found it helpful to write thoughts and feelings in a journal to review later, sometimes years later.
It was almost like the "me from the past" communicating with the "me of the future." Hey, if your friends don't guide you, maybe your "prior self" will. It's like the reverse of your "future self" coming back to tell you everything you did wrong.
I found it very enlightening and just had to discuss it in detail in the book.
- Chapter Eight: Dealing with Disappointments
Chapter eight is my review of disappointments. We'll always have disappointments in life from time to time and we need to deal with them in a constructive way, but we also need to appreciate who we are and not let people abuse our kind nature.
People should treat us with respect and we shouldn't accept anything less!!! How many people do you know who allow others to treat them poorly? I discuss how to deal with that in chapter eight.
- Chapter Nine: Relationship Realism
Chapter nine is about reality again, but on a different level – a concept of mine I call "relationship realism."
Once I said to a friend, "Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect." I amazed myself when I said it. I don't know where it came from. It just popped out of my head. Sometimes we guide other people better than we guide ourselves. I wish I had considered that when it mattered.
- Chapter Ten: Micro Reality, Ultimate Goal
Pursuing our goals is an important topic if one is to be successful with any endeavor in life. I always found an easy way to avoid procrastination by following easy-to-handle micro-steps.
I call my concept "Micro Reality." It's my own version of successfully reaching our goals one step at a time. Sometimes we just need to make those steps a little smaller in order to climb them with ease. It works!
- Chapter Eleven: Deal Breakers
My focus throughout the book was on recognizing how our attitude causes some of us to fail to commit.
I still have to admit that there are two sides to the story. There are some real situations where we might actually be right.
I had my share of relationships, both good and bad. I was stupid to not recognize or appreciate the good ones, and I make that clear in the book. I also decided to include deal breakers because I felt it important to show that there are actual reasons to consider the other view.
- Chapter Twelve: Creative Thoughts of Inspiration
With my creative side I often come up with interesting concepts that people have said are quite meaningful. I also like to give these concepts creative names.
Some concepts I include in chapter twelve are Easy Rejection Syndrome, Heavenly Love, Power Planning, and The Stream Of Life. You'll have to read then book to see what they are all about. I assure you, they are all inspirational – so people tell me.
- Chapter Thirteen: A Bachelor's Poems
When I get emotional about someone I tend to become poetic. I had saved most of the poems I wrote about relationships over the years. I decided a good conclusion for the book was to include a few of my poems that related well to the subject, and that's how it begins.
Find a Copy for a Friend or for Yourself
An inspirational book for those who never commit to marriage but who want to break the pattern.
My book can be purchased through most bookstores. You can even request your local library to order a copy for you to borrow.
It's also available on Amazon in paperback and for immediate download to your Kindle.
© 2012 Glenn Stok