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Zombie Catpocalypse and the Fern of Doom

Updated on November 14, 2015
Eyes glazed, Rupert was mesmerized by the fern of doom.
Eyes glazed, Rupert was mesmerized by the fern of doom.

The Marmalade Creature Shambled Along on Hind Feet, Paws Ready to Grasp and Rend

Has the zombie catpocalypse begun? Is this cuddly yet blank-eyed ginger thirsting for gooey, gooey brains? Or is something else at play here? Read on if you'd like to find out what turned this fluffy marmalade kitty into a single-minded killing machine.

all photos by Kylyssa Shay unless otherwise noted

The Fern of Doom, photo by Kylyssa Shay
The Fern of Doom, photo by Kylyssa Shay

The Fern of Doom

It was a quiet day in October when the thing, the vector, arrived in my apartment. It appeared innocent enough, disguised as a gift from my roommate's mother. As you can see, its leaves were full and lush, a testament to her green thumb.

We knew it was as good as dead from the beginning, despite its healthy appearance. My roommate and I had both made many attempts at keeping such ferns alive, to no avail.

Despite our certainty that the fern was a member of the leafy undead, we gave in to optimism and put it in a protected place. It sat in the tub in the bathroom, behind a closed door while we purchased a ceiling hook and tried to determine the best place to hang it.

Vanessa the Fierce being fiercely adorable
Vanessa the Fierce being fiercely adorable

Hanging the Fern of Doom

Its siren song called to the creatures of the household, even through the closed door. Every time we needed to use the restroom, two furry bodies pressed against our legs, pushing to gain entry. Tiny Vanessa shoved her soft white paws beneath the door and sat for hours with her face pressed against it. This strengthened our resolve to find a safe hanging place for the fern of doom.

It took a bit of discussion and strategic planning but we finally arrived at a location that would not be directly beneath a heat vent, encourage the use of humans as ladders, or deprive the plant of sunlight.

As we hung the fern, the cats watched with blood-lust (sap-lust?) and curiosity, eyebrow whiskers trembling.

Rupert was watching the Fern of Doom day in and day out.
Rupert was watching the Fern of Doom day in and day out.

Try as he might, Rupert could not quite reach the dangling fern to bring about its destruction. He sat awake days and nights, sitting on the coffee table and staring at his green nemesis. His sister contented herself by doing fierce battle with and then consuming whatever leaves happened to fall from above although sometimes she'd gaze up longingly and wave a paw in its direction.

The fern was not innocent in all of this. It sent its sneeze-inducing spores of doom throughout our home and I popped pills to combat my watering eyes and runny nose. But Rupert was on the job. I've never seen a cat with a better work ethic.

Rupert was on the job. I've never seen a cat with a better work ethic.

Zombie Catpocalypse or Fern of Doom Induced Madness?

Zombie-eyed Rupert shambling beneath the Fern of Doom
Zombie-eyed Rupert shambling beneath the Fern of Doom

A week or so into the fern occupation I caught this terrifying image on film. Well, on a digital camera. As you can see by his blank expression, Rupert was consumed by his desire to destroy the fern.

Ultimately, the fern of doom died all on its own, due to apartment dryness unmitigated by thrice daily spritzings of its leaves. In the end, I brought its nearly skeletal carcass down to distract the kitties from flowers I was making into a funeral arrangement in the dining room. They feasted well and I vacuumed dead leaves up for several weeks thereafter.

The Hook from the Fern of Doom Has Been Put to Good Use

Ginger cat photo mobile
Ginger cat photo mobile | Source

As you can see, the hook has been put to use displaying something far more adorable and less likely to produce small fuzzy cat zombies. A part of me wonders if Rupert didn't plan this all along.

Relaxed and happy Rupert being excessively cute
Relaxed and happy Rupert being excessively cute

Now that the fern of doom has died and been disposed of, Rupert is relaxed and happy. He spends his days napping and his nights napping and charging after imaginary foes in endless and greatly varied battle simulations. If another anything of Doom finds its way into our home, he will be ready.

Vanessa the Fierce, napping on a little sofa
Vanessa the Fierce, napping on a little sofa

Vanessa the Fierce also survived the zombie catpocalypse and the fern of doom. She is pictured here getting a well deserved rest after weeks keeping watch over the home-invading houseplant.

She spends her days dreaming of murder and her nights plotting murder and practicing the fine art of knocking stuff down. Although a lovely specimen of the cat mafia, Vanessa takes the time to enjoy creative pursuits such as the playing of the taplinkta song on the bedroom blinds and knocking stuff down to knock other stuff down.

Has Your Home Been Invaded by a Fern of Doom or Other Cat Zombie Producing Houseplants?

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    • sweetstickyrainbo profile image

      sweetstickyrainbo 5 years ago

      I always suspected that cats were evil. Doesn't Keenu Reeves use cats to enter hell?

    • randomthings lm profile image

      randomthings lm 5 years ago

      too funny. LOVE the first picture of the black and white cat...good angle, good shot! Cute story.

    • suzy-t profile image

      suzy-t 5 years ago

      Great lens... So sorry to hear about the fern but I'm glad Rupert is happy!... Animals are so funny sometimes... Blessed...

    • profile image

      rebecca-robinson-3785 5 years ago

      LOVE IT!

    • AcornOakForest profile image

      Monica Lobenstein 5 years ago from Western Wisconsin

      My cat found no peace until she killed the peace lily in our house sending the mud of the freshly watered plant spraying over everything in the house. This was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh today!

    • scrapquilter profile image

      Myreda Johnson 5 years ago from Ohio USA

      Fun lens that made me laugh. Great job!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Haha! 10/10 for originality!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      LOL... so cute! I don't have any plants in the house due to my cats and their desire to poo in plant pots, ha ha...

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Cats have senses that we just don't have and Rupert may have been on to something with all that determination to fight out of his plant of doom induced zombie like state and claim another of his 9 lives...on a cloud. The change is remarkable for sure and I'm wondering if his head spun all the way around while entranced. Perhaps The Vanessa wasn't quite so affected but she was sensing that plant had to go too. You have two great watch cats for any plant that makes a wrong move! Delightfully done....and you did make me smile!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Love your lens!

    • LisaDH profile image

      LisaDH 5 years ago

      I guess you'll never have to worry about dangerous houseplants with your protector around. Love that last photo of Rupert!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      This cracked me up, great job!

    • RichLeighHD profile image

      RichLeighHD 5 years ago

      Brilliant lens! Loved it. :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Funny pics.

    • profile image

      JoshK47 5 years ago

      What a wonderfully hilarious lens - loved it! Blessed by a SquidAngel!

    • LouJon profile image

      LouJon 5 years ago

      Great lens, cats can be the funniest things sometimes :)

    • profile image

      AlienwareCoupons 5 years ago

      Ahh, so cute pictures. I love cat!

    • profile image

      BeadCatz 5 years ago

      Great lens. I love cats and your lens made my day.

    • Snowsprite profile image

      Fay 5 years ago from Cornwall, UK

      Great lens and yes it did make me smile. Cats are amazing in all their antics. Loved the original title too. Look forward to more antics.

    • captainj88 profile image

      Leah J. Hileman 5 years ago from East Berlin, PA, USA

      I deliberately keep plants out of the house so the cats don't get into them. They've munched on or knocked over my seedlings three years in a row in my window boxes. This lens made me laugh out loud, thanks :)

    • profile image

      fullofshoes 5 years ago

      Hilarious account of the invasion. Haven't had a houseplant incident but when still a kitten, our lovely Beep suffered a short term case of "flying cat syndrome". You can only imagine. Fun lens, made me laugh... a lot. ~blessed!~

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      I really enjoyed this story of the cat zombie and the fern of doom - too cute.

    • profile image

      pawpaw911 5 years ago

      Love the title, and the cats.

    • Sara Krentz profile image

      Sara Krentz 5 years ago from USA

      This was delightful to read - I can't stop giggling! Rupert & Vanessa are beautiful. Blessings to you and the kitties : )

    • newbizmau profile image

      Maurice Glaude 5 years ago from Mobile, AL

      This was cute.

    • cocomoonbeams profile image

      cocomoonbeams 5 years ago

      Very creative and funny! Makes me miss my cats.

    • Scarlettohairy profile image

      Peggy Hazelwood 5 years ago from Desert Southwest, U.S.A.

      Alas, you have some fierce and protective kitty cats! Loved this tale of the two tails who guarded you against the fern of doom.

    • robertzimmerman2 profile image

      Robert Zimmerman 5 years ago from SE Florida, USA

      Nope, we are "safe" so far.

    • Zodiacimmortal profile image

      Kim 5 years ago from Yonkers, NY

      I enjoyed your lens. and LOVE Vanessa's kitty couch! I bet my Sully would like that. (see here meowography lens) I've added this to her lens (for next update)

    • victoriuh profile image

      victoriuh 5 years ago

      Very funny and creative! Blessed.

    • squidstorm profile image

      squidstorm 5 years ago

      Awesome lens, funny :D

    • profile image

      clayva 5 years ago

      Very cute lens, playful and yes, it made me smile. I have a large fern plant that our cat simply would not leave alone. I finally had to put it atop a bar stool and away from anywhere he could climb just to save the plant! Funny stuff our pets do.

    • LiteraryMind profile image

      Ellen Gregory 5 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      Got rid of my cactus after I got a cat. Didn't want him spiking himself and no way he was going to stay away. He ate my palm tree. I learned to decorate with something other than plants. Very funny lens -- I can relate.

    • kburns421 lm profile image

      kburns421 lm 5 years ago

      This is too funny! Love it.

    • profile image

      Tarra99 5 years ago cute...yes the lens made me smile :o)

    • writerkath profile image

      writerkath 5 years ago

      I'm Cat-Zombie-less at the moment, but this lens made me smile, and also miss my Kitty terribly. I LOVE that cat bed in the photo above! Awesome lens!!

    • Lady Lorelei profile image

      Lorelei Cohen 5 years ago from Canada

      Ha but I love your kitty mobile much better than your fern of doom. Your kitties are pretty darn cute too and you definitely made me smile with this lens.