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A House Can't Be a Home With an Unorganized Wife as Its Manager

Updated on August 5, 2015

Are You Living in a House or a Home

I have never known a #woman whose home was like a pigpen who was fulfilled as a wife. Some women hate #homemaking and what a burden it becomes when added to a full time employment. A #house cannot be a home with an #unorganized woman as its manager. You need to be a well-balanced wife with your priority in order to make a house a #home. With this attitude it is extreme difficult for such wives to be #domestic wonders. Whether you are perfectly #organized, hopelessly messy, or somewhere in between can easily be seen in the way your #house looks.

Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary defines a house as a #building made for people to live in, while a home is defined as the place where one lives, especially with one’s #family.

Though, I agree that running a home is not an easy job, especially when you #work. You might find yourself asking why am I the one who is in charge of #laundry, scrubbing floors, the dinner, making #beds, polishing silver, dusting the tops of #furniture, folding #clothes, the #grocery shopping, wiping runny noses, and the kids’ activities? This is not the same for every wife of course. Every couple’s situation is different, which means the division of house chores may be different. Every individual comes into marriage with his/her own preconceived ideas about the duties of a husband and a #wife. There is no right or wrong way to figure who does what. The most important thing is for a #couple to have a mutual understanding of each person’s role as they try to work through the #responsibility of their #household together. Decide what each of you can do to support your marriage and the proper running of your household. Work together, to divide the load as you think #equitable. Both of you have to compromise to give your home a befitting look.

Performing the daily #functions of operating a home can be boring to some #wives. As the weeks turn into years, the #joy of cleaning, #cooking, and doing #laundry for a new husband or baby is lost as a feeling of duty sets in. If left unchecked, this #attitude can soon develop into a sense of #worthlessness for the wife. Homemaking #responsibilities are mainly yours; the sooner they are done the better. Women libbers especially feel that #housekeeping is beneath their #intelligence, even demeaning. Such women overly dependent on convenience #foods and other short cuts which deprive their families of necessary nutrition and care that are essential to health and happiness in the home.

Ralph Lauren said, “When friends enter a home they sense itspersonality and character, the family style of living –these elements make a #house come alive with a sense of identity, a sense of energy, enthusiasm, and #warmth, declaring, this is who we are; this is how we live.”

Eno visited her friend Nsikan and decided to help her clean up her house when she noticed how messy it was. The sight that greeted her was unbelievable. The #kitchen was overflowing with dirty #dishes, the table was cluttered with odds and ends, the #oven was filled with multitude of #pots and pans, and the bags of #garbage lined the walls. Cleaning the kitchen took two hours. Moving to the living room, when she removed the sofa #cushions, she found empty #cigarette packages, overflowing ash trays. The place looked as if it has not been cleaned once that year. There was a pile of dirty #diapers behind the sofa. Polishing the furniture, brushing and #vacuuming took another one hour. If you have a tendency toward this kind of slothfulness, you must bear it in mind that, a home is an expression and extension of your #lifestyle.

Eno in her own home has time for everything. She gets up in the morning, makes the #beds at once, prepares #breakfast, and cleans up the #kitchen. Next she drives the kids to school. Then she checks her schedule to see what’s on the agenda for the day and get to #work. Her #housework is generally finished by noon, leaving the afternoon for any projects she might have lined up.

If your husband is the sole #breadwinner in the #family, you have to take on the major part of managing the home front. Nsikan only cleans her home once in a while when her spirit moves her. She washes clothes when her husband and #children are out of clothes. She is a procrastinator and can’t get going. Most times her home is very messy. She has no system at all for doing her housework, and consequently always feels overburdened. Because of her lack of organization, she’s a nervous wreck.

But as contemporary #women, you have many distortions that can interrupt your daily lives: the telephone, email, the #television, internet, the latest novel or #fashion magazine, a nearby #shopping mall, unexpected guests, others. It is so easy to put scrubbing the #bathroom floor off until tomorrow when a friend calls and wants to meet you for lunch or your choice supermarket is having a sale on children’s wears. Husbands and children like to bring their friends to a home, not a house. And people can tell few minutes after they walk through the door which it is. A house will never be fulfilling to a wife, but a home will be. A home will be a lovely place no matter how grand or how modest it is.

Your #husband will be more effective in his job if he is supported by a well maintained home. Part of your role, is understanding the struggles, your husband may face in a typical day and recognizing that he may be coming home tired and weary. If both of you are employed, you will have to work harder to find a healthy balance between you. Look for solutions to make your life together less #stressful. If possible, pay someone else to do a chore, so that your time and energy can go into activities that you need to do yourself. Keep your home in such a way you want #people to regard you. You should be glittering outside but your home is like a dumping ground.

Being open to help from others can be equally important to your #productivity in your home. Your #mother may be ready to help out with the #children or the housework when her schedule permits. Friends can also be available to serve your family by #babysitting, helping with preparation for a special #dinner, or showing up unexpectedly to mow the yard. Allowing others the joy of giving is not always easy, but it certainly makes a difference to have some help, especially during the hectic times.

Detecting and overcoming #laziness and unnecessary distractions are not the only areas in which wives needed change of attitude about their role as #homemaker. Lack of #vision in the home has caused some, #wives to be discontent and restless and has forced them to battle feelings of uselessness.

Children are going to spill things and have disagreement. Don’t get uptight when these things happen. Many women fight feelings of #depression and frustration when it comes to homemaking. The responsibilities of #cooking, cleaning,# laundry, ironing, shopping, and many other factors of keeping an efficient home can be overwhelming.

A woman’s self-concept revolves to a great extent around her home and family. When our home is orderly, you feel good. You love the smell of disinfected #bathrooms and polished #furniture, yet sometimes you don’t get them on schedule. When the reason is justified, you simply get to it when you can.

Even a naturally messy person can learn to maintain a neat and tidy #environment by following these three steps.

  • Remember that adage, “A place for everything, and everything in a place. When you know where a certain item belongs, it’s easier to return it to its rightful place. Don’t leave your #bedroom in the morning until the bed is made. Give your bedrooms a quick going-over every morning and a thorough cleaning at least once a week.
  • Designate a time to arrange your living room. Set a specific time each week for dealing with outstanding piles and help yourself by being clutter conscious throughout the week. Give your children jobs to do. They can be a big help, even when small.
  • Create a personal game plan for #cleaning the house. You may choose to clean half the house one day and the other half another day. Or maybe you would rather wash regularly, perhaps Mondays and Fridays before and after the weekend, and the #kitchen and the living room on a third. An important aspect of managing the home front is organization.
  • Preparing food for your #family to eat can be fun and exciting, or it can be dull and boring. It depends on the woman involved. Be inventive. Try new things.

With renewed vision, a fresh #commitment to organizing your lives more efficiently, and some free time to pursue personal interests, you’ll be better prepared to tackle the #responsibilities of #homemaking with a willing #attitude.

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    • davenmidtown profile image

      David Stillwell 2 years ago from Sacramento, California

      Why must it be the job of women clean and manage the house? Did she make all of the mess? Did you marry her just for her housekeeping skills? What happens when she has a job... a real job? Is she supposed to work all day and then come home and work some more? Women who choose to become wives are not beasts of burden. Clean up your own mess and stop being a little boy.

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 2 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      I understand you reside in Nigeria with your wife and six children. I personally do not think your views are in keeping with the views of the majority of persons reading your article.

      Did you marry a woman who you loved? Did you marry a servant? Is marriage not a partnership? Do your six children expect your wife to clean up after them?

      Be prepared for a flood of negative comments in this Hub.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      I am happy to read your comments. If you read the article fully, you will understand that if the man is out working to earn enough to pay the bills he will not be home to clean his mess."If your husband is the sole breadwinner in the family, you have to take on the major part of managing the home front." This is from the article. Do you agree to this statement? "If both of you are employed, you will have to work harder to find a healthy balance between you. Look for solutions to make your life together less stressful. If possible, pay someone else to do a chore, so that your time and energy can go into activities that you need to do yourself." This is also from the article. Do you agree with this statement?

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 2 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Chuksm,

      You wrote "If the man is out working to earn enough to pay the bills he will not be home to clean his mess."

      How many hours per day does the man work? How many days per week does he work? How long is his commute to and from work?

      You also wrote ."If your husband is the sole breadwinner in the family, you have to take on the major part of managing the home front."

      Why?

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Daisy,

      The normal working time is eight hours a day and forty hours a week for those that keep to normal schedule. Time for commuting depends on the area the office is situated and the traffic situation. We are aware that some workers have to do 'overtime' to earn more money. Many professionals don't keep to this normal time frame, especially those that have their own businesses. So after a day hard job, it will be unrealistic for a wife who have been at home all day to expect the man returning from work to engage in house cleaning. This is another excerpt from the hub. "Every couple’s situation is different, which means the division of house chores may be different. Every individual comes into marriage with his/her own preconceived ideas about the duties of a husband and a wife. There is no right or wrong way to figure who does what. The most important thing is for a couple to have a mutual understanding of each person’s role as they try to work through the responsibility of their household together. Decide what each of you can do to support your marriage and the proper running of your household. Work together, to divide the load as you think equitable. Both of you have to compromise to give your home a befitting look."

    • easefeeds profile image

      Ease Feeds 2 years ago from Cyperspace

      Sigh. I'm just not sure why you felt the need to preach to women about what they should do. There is plenty of preaching you could do to some men about accepting their share of responsibility too.

    • davenmidtown profile image

      David Stillwell 2 years ago from Sacramento, California

      The philosophies you write about here died in 1960 America with the idea that a wife was a possession and should not be allowed to work, go to school, or god-forbid vote. Listen to what people are saying. There is no room in the modern world for this kind of regression.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      If you are a Stay-at-home wife, you will have to clean up your home while your husband is working to provide for the family. There is nothing retrogressive about it. Living together needs mutual compromise. I didn't say that the wife will work her hands to bones while the man reads newspapers. Read earlier replies. If both work, how to handle domestic chores will have to be agreed on. But if you feel that your husband will go out to earn money for family survival and still come home to handle house cleaning while his wife have been home all days is not being realistic. And this can be proved by the rate of divorce in our contemporary society, which has cause other societal problems like many children growing up with a single parent. You will agree with me it will be better if they grow up with both parents in the home. Read this hub:https://hubpages.com/relationships/How-Children-Ar... and http://chuksm.hubpages.com/hub/Family-How-the-Rela...

    • davenmidtown profile image

      David Stillwell 2 years ago from Sacramento, California

      It really depends on the parents... no family should put up with abuse, etc. So no... I don't agree with you. If you and your wife make a conscious decision that is based on equality, then yes she should stay at home and clean... However, that should not be the expectation nor the standard. And even still... the man should come home and clean up after himself regardless of whether or not he worked all day.

    • profile image

      Jimmy Buffett 2 years ago

      I wrote a song JUST for you:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3i6OrOZwtmA

      Have a nice life.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Thanks Jimmy Buffett. You are entitled to your view. However, it was interesting hearing your song. It is never possible for everybody to agree on an issue. I wish you a happy married life if you'll be able to stay in one if you are so abusive. You may be one of those who feel that changing as many partners as possible is fashionable.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Davenmidtown,

      If you are married and your husband is able to do what you advocate , I'll say a big congratulations. Returning from work to engage in house cleaning; except both of you have been out in the office all day. Some ideas are Utopian. They don't work in reality. They may work temporarily but are not sustainable. These ideas are the causes of increasing divorces and separations. Melanie Chitwood says, "Women are the heart of the home, and our attitudes set the emotional temperature in our families. A wife's positive attitude can permeate our home like the sweet aroma of freshly picked flowers, and negative attitude can pollute her home like stinky garbage."

    • davenmidtown profile image

      David Stillwell 2 years ago from Sacramento, California

      You need to come to America where those utopian ideals work just fine. Like I said earlier, if you and your wife agree that these are the roles that you wish out of life... so be it... but to foster such idiocracy off as legitimate is narcissistic to say the least. Your traditional role model has lost favor in developed countries. You speak of things that happened here in American in 1940, 1950, etc. I understand exactly what you are saying about a woman being fulfilled by being nothing more than a housewife... Here in America women are earning more college degrees than are men. We have women leaders who make as much money as their husbands do. The world you are trying to own has faded thanks to progress. It has allowed a great many positive things to occur with its death. It is not her home to stink up or permeate with the scent of her attitude. A home is a shared domain.... as such, clean the toilet once in a while, give your children a bath, and offer to cook dinner several times per week. It does not kill a man to participate in the things that he has helped to create ... such as childcare, household chores, and being a genuine and loving partner.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      davenmidtown

      Your model is not working in America because I know that the rate of divorces and separations is astronomically high. What is the percentage of couples in American that remained married till one of them died? I don't want to mention names but you are aware that many of you have married repeatedly. There was an American woman that married the same man twice and they still got divorced and she went on to marry more men. Will you say that this type of marriage worked? Marriage is not supposed to be an experiment or a trial issue. It is supposed to be 'Till death do us part' issue unlike what prevails in America today. Permanence is not a valued culture today, but that is what God who established marriage approved. It is supposed to be a once-and-for-all union. For acquiring college degrees, it is a common phenomenon in many developing countries now including Nigeria. Africa has two female Presidents which Hillary Clinton is still trying to achieve in America. Ellen Johnson Sir-Leaf is the president of Liberia and Joyce Banda is the president of Malawi. Our women are intelligent and at the same time hard working.

    • davenmidtown profile image

      David Stillwell 2 years ago from Sacramento, California

      You have lost the point. The topic was that women are not predestined to be housewives simply because of their gender. Tell me, do Joyce Branda and Ellen Johnson Sir-Leaf clean their own homes after running a nation?

      Hillary Clinton may not yet be president...but she is one of the most powerful people in the world... not just powerful as compared to women...but to men as well.

      You prescribe your belief as though it should be a law. People who believe in this way deprive themselves and their unfortunate wives of the true potential of what humans can become.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      I have never said that every wife should be a stay-at-home wife. If you go back to earlier comments, I mention what should happen when both couple works. Here is what an American woman wrote in her book, What Makes a Woman Feel Loved, "The Scriptures clearly teach that God created Eve from Adam's rib so that she could be Adam's helpmate (Genesis 2:22). Today's society, however, slams the door on that truth. While it's great that women have made important and long overdue strides toward social, political, and economic equality, some women have, unfortunately, pushed for equality to the point of ignoring the distinctive differences God created in men and women so they would complement one another. Some have even gone so far as to say, 'Who needs men?' in response, many men have become passive, quiet and unsure about their role in relation to women." Consider the impact the model you promote have on our society. What role it has played in the harsh realities of families breaking up and teenagers rebelling ( like teenager carrying gun to school in US to kill fellow pupils and teachers) or being lost to drugs.

    • profile image

      Confused 2 years ago

      I'm confused. If a married couple come to a mutual agreement about this, what's so bad about suggesting that expecting her to hold up her end the deal?

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Confused,

      Thanks for your comment. 'Mutual agreement' is the key phrase.

    • profile image

      Wow 2 years ago

      I feel sorry for your wife - from the way you write, she is nothing more to you than a glorified slave.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      You have made a serious mistake. We have division of labor and everyone does his/her roles with seriousness, that is why we have remained married for 28 years and had six children and four are already college graduates.

    • Tiffany Latte profile image

      Tiffany Latte 2 years ago from USA

      Well, he certainly got everyone's attention. Perhaps, that was the intent of this blog; since he clearly is not, a woman. However, it is smart marketing. Well Done!

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Tiffany Latte,

      Thanks for your comment. It might seem to be a marketing strategy to you, but it is far from it. I have just told an unpleasant truth. Read through all the comments and my replies. The marriage model in America is not working otherwise you shouldn't have the astronomical rate of divorces there. People that have married more than once are more than those that remained married to one wife or husband for life. Prove me wrong, if you can. "You don't change a winning team," is a universal adage, so why change your spouse if the marriage is blissful?

    • Tiffany Latte profile image

      Tiffany Latte 2 years ago from USA

      I would imagine the women in your part of the world are afraid to make a decision. American women prefer the choice. However broken anyone outside of the U.S. may find our system it works for us. Anyway, what is your problem with America, and why do you care. American women avoid slavery.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Tiffany Latte,

      It works for you because it favors the women. Many celebrities have become bankrupt in America because of paying alimony or child support while the women live soft on such money even when they are in another relationship. So for the women all is well. But I see it as selfishness. Recently, a woman is been made to pay for accusing a man of raping her falsely. Name withheld. All this happen because the women are out to make money from exploiting the system. Is that fair? Couples should work together to make marriage work not on selfish levels but for the benefit of the society. Children of broken home are most times rebellious. Partners should not be changed at the rate of changing underwear. Think about it and be more compassionate.

    • profile image

      Interesting 2 years ago

      Interesting that you hate America and our way of life so much, but you are more than willing to take advantage of an American company and put your archaic ideals on an American site to earn American cash. Why don't you write for a Nigerian site if you hate America so much?

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Interesting,

      What I don't like is the way some Americans take marriage so trivially. There is no doubt that America is the greatest country in the universal so it should also set good example in marriage. People should take their marriage seriously and stop believing so much in divorce. There are some couples that have lived together till death so it has shown that it is possible. People should not go into marriage with the mindset, "Let me try this partner if he/she is not what I want I dump him/her and go for another one." All I am preaching is that people should make more effort to stay married and bring up their children together. I don't hate Americans, far from it, 70% of my friends in Facebook are Americans. Money is good but that is not the purpose of writing. Communicating with others is the reason. This page is over two years, I only connected it to Adsense this year. I have some hubs that have recorded over 2000 readers.

    • Tiffany Latte profile image

      Tiffany Latte 2 years ago from USA

      God Bless America!

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Yes! God Bless America. And Bless the whole world.

    • Tiffany Latte profile image

      Tiffany Latte 2 years ago from USA

      You were not talking about the Whole World. You were talking about America. However, the world thanks you.

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      Tiffany Latte,

      We are very good friends. I want all of us to be good friends and enjoy happy marriage.

    • profile image

      obodolucky 2 years ago

      I am shocked indeed by many negative comments here, the world has actually taken nightmare pills in the pretense of civilization! That's why the world is so chaotic as we have it today. No more values...

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 2 years ago from Benin

      You are right. Some women who believe that men should do the most of the domestic chores were angry. However, every individual has a right to his or her beliefs as it concerns relationships. The problem is that most of them have had many break-ups because of unrealistic expectations. This also is the cause of high rate of divorce we are witnessing around the globe. Men and women must know their limits if their relationship must work.

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