From Alone to Roommates . Making It Work .
Tips for living harmoniously with 3 people
Based on true fact
I am a female in my mid 50's and currently room with three males , When my husband passed away , with him died his pension.
These guys are 23. 35. and 52 . Oh yea and my male cat Buddy who is 9 lol.
1) Ya need to be consistent with rules that work for everyone and sit down and talk about them when its necessary as it will avoid any power struggles that might occur between them.
A) The number one rule as I call it ... Is to play nice as much as possible. In other words , Don't sweat the small stuff , Living at my place is very laid back and calm , lots of joking around but if a situation is serious we also sit and talk about it !
B) Smoking, There is no smoking inside the home but there is a sun room in the back yard that is okay for smoking. Smoking of other substances has to be totally away from both the house and sun.
C) This is my place and what I say goes not what one of them thinks , therefore if there is a situation or an issue going on they are to come to me first and I will deal with it. In doing it that way it keeps calmness within the ranks so to speak.
2) Establishing everyone's responsibilities as in chores around the house cause if ya don't . you will end up with the maids hat .. And the next thing they will want your apron stings to baby them further ( smiles ) A) We sat and talked and one of them ended up preferring cleaning the bathroom while the other does garbage and other odds and ends . B) But weekly we do a major clean day and then all of us just jump in and together we get it all done
3) Insisting that everyone has their own tv and cable in their rooms helps makes it very easy for everyone to enjoy their own spaces. A) Don't get me wrong there is a TV in what I call the common room whereby everyone is welcome to watch . But it is a common room, so if you are not into chatting or whatever else might be going on then its best if you carry on over to your own space. B) I do encourage group chats tho. Interacting with each other is always good, Its how you get to know someone also.
4) We all exist on a need to know basis . if we don't think people need to know we don't share and thus no one feels as if their private lives needs to be reported . Frankly I don't care what goes on in their lives as long as they don't bring a cop to my door and the rent is on the table when it needs to be.
Don't Let This Happen To You ..
Demand That Everyone's Space Is to Be Respected
Because we are all adults and this is the 21st century, I do allow overnight guests but if its just some quiet time whereby you would like to spend time with that someone special or even some buddies and some bubblies I would prefer that there is warning ahead of time if possible so the rest of us can be made aware and will respect the space you are asking for .
I want to be told and I will relay the message to others . If they forget to let me know then they may encounter an accidental intrusion.
Encourage you roommates or boarders to come to you if they develop issues with one of the others so that you have the chance to trouble shoot or damage control the situation perhaps deviating what could become a situation no one really wants .
Generally they are receptive to me and it gets straightened out usually immediately.
Trying to stay on top of things can sometimes be a feat and yoU need to keep track kind of who is home and whom isn't . Getting lazy about closing doors and things could .Otherwise get you caught with your pants down. ( laughing)
Getting Caught With Your Pants Down lol
Obviously There Can,t Be Harmony 24 / 7 But
Most of the time there is simply harmony because we do just go about our own business, We cook for ourselves most of time but on occasion we will get together and cook things together. whereby like a potluck supper everyone contributes something. On the rare moments where we are all home we will sometimes sit and chat in a round discussion about anything and everything. But often you would find us spread out throughout the house each doing our own thing.
I have had other boarders that have not fit in. They were the kind that apparently thrived on causing waves just to see the reactions of people. I had one who tried to give me reasons why they were a better tenant then the one that had been with me 3 years before he moved in. Petty things of that nature gives me reason to ask you to move on, There is no lease here but there are rules that are written up that you must agree and sign .
How I Chose My Roommates
When I chose my roommates I looked for the following attributes to try to ensure a good fit. A) They would have to be working or in school , Someone who would not be underfoot 24/7. B) For myself I prefer males as most females are more drama queens and I really don't want that. I have found men are more likely to go on about their lives and drama is generally rarer in males. But that is just my opinion. C) I check references and interview them with the other roommate or mates present. I want all of us to feel ok about them and not just me as we all have to live under one roof. Also it represents a certain amount of security for me .
BUT BEWARE ... A NEW BROOM ALWAYS SWEEPS CLEAN AND WE HAVE BEEN HIT WITH A FEW UGLY STRAW ONES !!
The ugly straw ones I am referring to are the ones who try to manipulate situations or suggest that they are the better tenant for one reason or another. The ones I tend to stay away from are then ones whom are not working as those are around you 24/7 and personally that does not work for me. I am a pretty good person reader and if they seem to be acting like they are someone they are not at the initial interview. They will not be considered . Also those who will not provide a reference
Is It Possible to live in Harmony 3 men and a Lady
We Live like These Three on TV except we are four ,,, Just call me JACKIE lol
Lets Talk About Roommates
Storage of Food and Laundry schedules and etc.
Everyone has there own designated area in the cupboards to call their own as well as Fridge space. However at time like Christmas and other big meal times there is a bar fridge located in the attached sun room that can be used .
As for Laundry the same as showers , they are not scheduled but we ask each other if anyone needs before we take over the bathroom or laundry facilities.
Coats and boots and etc can be stored in closets at front door and each is allowed storage areas in the basement.
In Summary ..
One can never be 100% positive that you have made the right choice when bringing someone new into the house but if one doesn't take risks in their life the you will never know.
Currently we are all fairly happy here and you can feel the calmness in the air even when we are just sitting in a round robin.
As I said before for me its about security of males in the home making it feel safer for me and its about not being lonely unless i chose to go to my room to be alone.