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An As Seen On TV Truther

Updated on April 22, 2016

The Eggstractor

In a former life (we all have one or two of those, don't we?), I was in charge of testing and demonstrating As Seen on TV products. To be honest, a bunch of those bad boys really worked but several others, well, not to be unkind, they were far less than perfect or even functional. Out of all the tests I did, the Eggstractor was the worst in actually doing what it was meant to do but some of the cheapest entertainment and belly laughs I ever had. Those watching laughed pretty darn hard as well.

Let me tell you about the experience. The Eggtractor is a plastic pedestal with an egg-sized hole in the middle and thin plastic plunger that fits over the egg. It claims to strip the shell off a hardboiled in one simple plunge. For those of us who love hardboiled eggs or pickled eggs, it would be the best As Seen On TV product ever made. That is if it worked. I boiled a dozen eggs so I could test it before demonstrating it before a crowd. I followed the instructions and placed the egg on the hole and pushed down on the plunger. Egg went everywhere. That wouldn't have been bad had some of the egg shell actually come off but instead it was small pieces of egg white that still clung to the shell like a frightened child to its mother.

The next time I removed half the egg shell to give the egg a smooth exit point. I figured if I could get my egg removal down to just half the egg that would save a lot of time on a dozen. I pushed the plunger again. The egg popped out of the bottom just the mother hen originally intended. Yes, half he shell was removed (the half I took off before the plunging) while the rest remained firmly gripping the incredible, edible egg.

We used a full dozen hard boiled eggs that day. One did come out with most of the shell off. Then again, I had removed most of the shell before putting it on the expensively cheap, white pedestal. Thus went the product testing of the Eggstractor. After those failed experiments, when someone went to purchase the product, I did warn them. I would say, “Go ahead and buy it but keep the box and the receipt. Also, what time tomorrow would you like to come in to return it.” I never said it didn't work. I only said that the buyer would be returning it the next day. A smart buyer read between the lines. The unsmart (aka dumb) buyer plunged and plunged but never got a beautiful, white, glistening, deshelled egg. The unsmart buyer returned the next day to return it with egg on their face. Literally.

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