ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to be rich, part 1: Building a house!

Updated on July 2, 2010

How to be rich: a Series

This is the first installment in a series of informative articles that will teach you how to live as a rich person. Although plenty of people will tell you how to become rich, never before has there been a definitive source on how to be rich.

How will you live your life as an unimaginably wealthy person? Will you squander it, never knowing the joy of making others grovel for any tiny scrap of approval? Never tasting the sweet nectar of purchasing a squadron of army fighter jets and terrorizing your rival Ivy League school? Keep reading and you'll learn how to avoid these terrible fates.

Part 1: Building a house

This installment focuses on the finer points of building a home. Remember that the information provided here is merely a starting point. Feel free to take the suggestions and build on them, pun intended.

The Bathroom

When you build a house, most people suggest that you start with the foundation. That’s just stupid. That’s like drawing someone’s portrait and starting with their brain. When building a home, it is best to begin with the bathroom. Let’s be honest, that’s where you’re going to spend most of your time, anyway. 

The most important part of your bathroom is the toilet. Your toilet should reflect your personality as well as your social standing. If you are cool, super-rich, and have lots of friends, then your toilet should have 22 inch rims, a jet engine, and shoot fire. It should be able to communicate on a wireless network, use only filtered spring water, and turn your poop into gold.

Your bathroom should contain photos of you doing awesome things, like climbing Mount Everest naked while midwifing a sick giraffe. For your auditory pleasure, a twelve-piece orchaestra is the perfect complement to a hard-earned #2. Do not forget to feed the orchaestra, or they will die.

The Bedroom

Although you may spend most of your time in the bathroom, occasionally you will want to sleep. That’s where you bedroom comes in! Bedrooms are great for sleep, but they tend to have one problem: no waterslides. I’m serious. Many people still do not have waterslides in their bedrooms. Considered by some to be a “luxury,” I simply can’t fall asleep unless I know I’ve skidded down a curvy, slippery chute into the comfort of my kitten-skin blanket.

Like your bathroom, your bedroom should also contain pictures of you doing awesome things, like having your toenails groomed by current world leaders, or grave-robbing Albert Einstein’s head and putting it on a horse’s body.

Lot of Pointless Decorative Rooms

When putting your house together, the most important thing is that everyone who sees it knows how rich you are. If you are a trillionaire, do you want your friends to think you’re a billionaire? The most effective way to show people how rich you are is by filling your house with lots and lots of pointless, redundant decorative rooms.

Really Cool Themed Rooms

Equally important to having lots and lots of pointless decorative rooms is to have really cool themed rooms. The point here is to be original. Every Joe Schmoe millionaire has a bowling alley, a basketball court, and an expensive home theater room. But how will you show that you’re better than those people?

I have a few recommendations. How about an anti-gravity room? Or a dangerous, uncaged, wild animal room? How about a pool filled with expensive cheese? How about an expensive cheese filled with a pool? The possibilities are endless. Just remember: if you’re friends aren’t impressed, you can always buy new friends. After, all you’re rich!


Stay tuned for the next installment in this ongoing series. In it, I will explore some of the many non-monetary uses for hundred dollar bills. Have a great day, and remember, it's great to be rich!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)