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Mixed Emotions, And Embracing God.

Updated on June 2, 2014

I realize that I talk about my heart event a little too often, but I need to talk about the experience more.

I was never in pain. In fact I could not believe the doctors. They kept telling me that I was having heart problems, and having a heart attack. They kept telling me that my heart rate was very high , and that my heart was beating awkwardly because of messages that were not being processed correctly. They said part of my heart, the part that sends messages to another part of my heart was not getting messages like it should, and that my heart was flopping around like a fish. I went threw three procedures, and the only thing they could do was to give me medication.

The only thing I could not do was to breathe. Eventually I knew I was dying when I rested my head on the kitchen table , and told Joann that it would be best for me to go back to the hospital.

At this stage I had to be rolled into the emergency ward on a hospital bed. I expected to die. Respiratory doctors , and cardiologist had me sedated. I saw the paddles , and it's counterparts.

Suddenly I saw darkness, and cloudy thick black smoke, like rolling smoke from something like black smoke in a house fire. I thought about a house fire where I dashed into it to check for anyone who might need help. Fortunately the house was vacant.

I really, and seriously believed God was coming to take my life because it was time for me to die because God had saved my life too many times in dangerous situations .

In my mind I asked God to let me live . I saw depressing images of myself lying face down in a coffin like I was a victim of some unfortunate violent situation.

When I did wake up, a male nurse told me that they thought they were going to lose me.

I was so careless with my life as a police officer. I walked to face armed men that carried rifles, or pistols. I took a lot of chances in order to save other officers, and the public.

Some cops thought I lived too dangerously by walking right in the middle of armed individuals that had revolvers. I walked into the barrel muzzle of a 44 magnum rifle. The shooter wanted to die from police gunfire so he shot up a bar room. My partner, and I did not have the heart to take his life, so we risked our lives to walk into the sights of the troubled man.

I talked with him. The shooter put his gun down. My police partner, and I took the shooter to a coffee shop. He had coffee with us. We did have to bring him in to be booked for blasting up a bar room, and for scaring the daylights out of people.

In my heart he did not look dangerous. I never shot a man in my life. To tell you the honest truth, maybe that was why I tried my best to protect everyone. God Bless.


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    • stars439 profile image

      stars439 3 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

      Dear Mr.s DeBorrah : Thank you so much for visiting. It is always a joy to see you. Wishing you, and you're loved ones well, and a pleasant summer. God Bless You, and you're family.

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 3 years ago

      Stars, This is a Beautiful testimony. In your time during such a serious health crisis the Lord kept You! No doubt you for sure know that He is right there with you even in the midst of extreme difficulty. I am glad that He sent others to HELP, watch over & assist Joann & Becky as well. May He continue to Bless & Keep all of you! I Pray that you all are able to enjoy some of the beautiful summer weather! Take Care!

    • stars439 profile image

      stars439 3 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

      Dear Jackie and Denise : Thank you very much for writing. You are both wonderful in every way. Denise, I am so sorry for you're Earthly loss of you're three precious family loved ones even though they walk in Heaven with our lord , and the angels.

      My unwavering respects go to both of you , for you're courage to always stand up for what is good, and right , the way our lord desires , and you are blessed to have his forever never ending love in his heart for you.

      God Bless You.

    • profile image

      Denizee 3 years ago

      Thank you for sharing such an emotional story - You are a brave person who still has a purpose to life - and God will guide you to it. I have been praying unceasingly daily over the past 7 years of my life - I lost 3 close family members in one year - my Mother, next a tragedy I wish upon no parent - my 29 year old son who had achieved become the Chief of Fire/Rescue/EMS services in a small town next to me at the age of 27 - and 4 weeks later my sister. I was treated over the years for a benign heart condition called MVP - yet in 2009 - I felt ill and through another team of cardiologists they found I was born with a congenital heart defect that can not be fixed surgically - at all - in this day and age and after working in the medical field I had to agree - and then agree to try to apply for SSD - In 7 mo. I was approved - which I don't care for - I miss being out doing the work as an Administrative Medical consultant - but - I have made it this far - and with faith, hope and my youngest son still near - I believe I will -I am so glad you went to the hospital when you did - May you be blessed with continued good health - and a lot more writing Hubs -

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      Lee you are a wonderful man and I know you are what the people of Heaven are made of. God hates a coward the scriptures say and you are certainly far from that. God must love you very much, He protected you then and He will now. He gave us His son and I know you have Him as your savior which is all you need.

      This life is all we know and it seems so important but we know it is just a stepping stone to forever and no more pain or sorrows and where your daughter will walk right by your side and you and your wife will labor or sorrow no more for her. We will all be whole. God apparently is not through with you on earth. May He bless you all.

      We miss you.