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A New Floor Mop Has Me Wringing My Hands

Updated on February 17, 2020
Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank wrote humorous bits for her college newspaper many years ago. Her funny observations have continued in print and online.


I am strongly opposed to learning more about housekeeping. I really think I know more about cleaning than I really want to, but if a product offers the possibility of making cleaning easier, I get drawn in.

Last week I bought an allegedly "self-wringing" mop, which came with an owner's manual and twelve pages of step-by-step instructions.

It's only a mop. How complicated could it be? But this one seems to have lots of moving parts like a handle that twists and one that slides and locks and and stretches and squeezes.

The first page of the manual announces in bold letters "Mop is ready to use". If this is true why would it have twelve pages of numbered steps with complicated diagrams including directional arrows that tell you which way to twist and slide?

I'm not sure if I bought a mop or a dance lesson.

Unlike most direction booklets, it did NOT include complete translations in 37 of the world's major languages. This was a disappointment, because cleaning product information always sounds better in French or Norwegian.

Maybe a robot is the answer. At least it entertains the kittens.

It did, of course, have safety warnings (slightly embellished here, for clarity) like:

1. Remove and discard protective cardboard sleeve and protective plastic covering before use. (I'm already nervous about using a product which needs that much protection.)

2. This is not a toy it should not be used by children under age seven or by housekeepers over 95.

3. Do not use as a fashion accessory, unless you are over 95.

4. Do not use for applying hot tar to roofs.

5. Do not use inside of moving vehicles exceeding a speed of 25 MPH.

6. Do not attempt to plug wet mop into electrical outlets, or insert into a hot toaster oven.

These are all understandable yet unnecessary warnings which are put there to make you wonder if the warning writer has ever been tarred and inserted into a hot toaster oven.

After studying the directions once more, I considered returning the item unused. It was beginning to seem too technologically advanced for me. But that would be taking the easy way out. After all it's not rocket surgery. However, I'm pretty sure the government has intercontinental ballistic missiles which are less complicated than this mop.

It took some courage to actually try it out because of the additional tangling warning. There are certain things you want to avoid at all costs, including getting your mop in an inextricable snarl which could void the "limited lifetime warranty".

This is another concept I'm not sure about. Does this mean they will only warranty it if you have a limited lifetime? I, for one, refuse to limit my lifetime just to get a stupid warranty. After all, the thing cost less than 20 bucks, and I plan to take all the lifetime I can get, even if it does void my warranty.

After re-reading the directions several more times I mastered the "self wringing" action. (Which, by the way , is not really "self-wringing" because you actually have to DO stuff like: slide, immerse, retract, twist, grip, push down, grip, twist and another dance step - to make it "self-wring".

(If it were actually "self-wringing", you would just stand back and watch.) Anyhow, after mastering that, one can go on to the part about removing/replacing the mophead assembly to replace/attach a refill. The attaching directions read something like this:

"Place the round black mophead engagement element into the uppermost end of the handle while holding appliance perpendicular to the floor. Doing this will elevate the major grip towards the upper terminus of the handle and presumably elevate this mop to "appliance" status.

Firmly impel the black plastic C-shaped clip in reverse toward the handle until it snaps into place. Use the interstice that goes through both the handle and mophead engagement element. Pull the end of the main mophead assembly attachment which has the ligature enclosure, steadfastly in the opposite direction of the wide end of the large persistent twister assisting gripper until snug."

Don't you think this would be just as clear in Norwegian?

You never see this kind of explanatory elaboration on a broom. And whatever happened to yarn tied to a stick? It all tends to disprove the idea that technology is making our lives simpler and easier. It's enough to make you want to throw in the towel, and just use IT to mop the floor.


(NOTE: The directions given here are be used solely for entertainment purposes or dance instruction.)

This one works a lot better!

O-Cedar EasyWring Microfiber Spin Mop, Bucket Floor Cleaning System
O-Cedar EasyWring Microfiber Spin Mop, Bucket Floor Cleaning System
I finally gave up on the other mop. At first I thought this one looked a little too flimsy, but was really surprised at how well it works. Because of the microfiber mop head, it effectively picks up the dirt and crumbs. Wringing is unnecessary since the spinner, activated by a foot pedal does the work. I will never go back to the other kind.


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    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      9 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thanks for commenting and sharing, Brett. Much appreciated.

    • Brett.Tesol profile image

      Brett C 

      9 years ago from Asia

      Great hub, very funny ... "I'm not sure if I bought a mop or a dance lesson." ha ha ha

      I would never have thought to write about this, but it works so well!

      Socially sharing, up and funny.

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      10 years ago from California Gold Country

      It may not be quite the miracle it seems to be on TV, but I like the shark better than anything else I have used. Thanks for reminding me. (Put one in an Amazon capsule.)

      I do not have the deluxe one, but I'm pretty happy with it. I'm sure there are reviews on HP.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 

      10 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I have been looking at those wondering if they are any good or not. I like the fact that they do not use chemicals. I will have to check them out further. Thanks.

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      10 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thank you JamaGenee-- simple is usually the best for almost anything.

      Just Ask Susan-- also sticking with the tried and true is also a good idea.

      However, about a year ago I did buy one of those steam cleaners, and I must say it works better and easier than any mop I have ever used. Because it steams, I have the feeling (though I'm not sure) that it sanitizes. Also, the pads are washable and it uses plain water-- no chemical cleaners, so you don't have to buy supplies for it. I think it is my floor cleaner now.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 

      10 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I cannot stop laughing. I think learning how to drive a car is easier than trying to use your new mop. The warnings would have made me really wonder what kind of product this was. I think I will stick to my Bee Mop, easy to use, plunge in water and pull on handle to squeeze excess water.

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 

      10 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      Haha! I must be smarter than you. After scrubbing floors on my knees with a hand towel for my entire life - well, except for a short period when I was a young newlywed in the throes of bliss from having my own home to clean - I finally bought a mop. Didn't fall for any that claimed to be self-anything. Or any that came with an instruction manual. Nosiree. Mopping is labor-intensive, no way around it, so I bought the simplest, cheapest one on the rack. Left the self-wringing ones for this year's crop of young brides still in the throes of bliss from having their own home to clean. ;D

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      13 years ago from California Gold Country

      Thanks all, glad you enjoyed it. Laughing at frustration-- especialy your own , has benefits.

    • DonnaCSmith profile image

      Donna Campbell Smith 

      13 years ago from Central North Carolina

      LOL! My moma loved her "rag mop." It had a gizmo at the end of the handle that you stuck an old towel through and locked it in place. She moped the floor, then took off the towel and tossed it into the washing machine to be cleaned and reused next time. I need to find one of those things.

    • robie2 profile image

      Roberta Kyle 

      13 years ago from Central New Jersey

      Well I'm LMAO too as I have more than a passing acquaintanceship with mops of all kinds--self and non self wringing, sponge, dust, and even swifters. I hate them all and have the dust kitties under my bed to prove it. You have my deepest sympathy and a big thumbs up for a terrific hub:-)

    • Rochelle Frank profile imageAUTHOR

      Rochelle Frank 

      13 years ago from California Gold Country

      Wellll,, yes, I do think I said I "enhanced "the directions a bit", just to give the sense of what it seemed like when I first read it..

      I hope I saved those instructions.. because I truly believe it DID use terms like "ligature" and "interstice"-- I mean... could I make that up?

      I hate it when I have to get out my dictionary to use household cleaning products. I've forgotten where I left my Norwegian dictionary.

      Thanks for the ROTFLMAO. (That's Norwegian, isn't it?)

    • jimcrowthers profile image


      13 years ago from Port Charlotte

      LOL! No way did the instructions read like that! No way. If you have a digital camera, I'd be very interested in seeing these instructions (or at least knowing what the brand is/was). I really think you're, as you say, embellishing. Who was their target audience in creating these instructions? Who uses (or even knows what it means) terms like "terminus", "interstice", and "ligature"? "Engagement element"? Although, I caught you using the word "elucidative".


      Great post as usual.

    • Uninvited Writer profile image

      Susan Keeping 

      13 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

      Very funny hub :) I threw out my last mop, it was useless from day one. I bought a Swiffer wet jet and haven't looked back :)


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