Moving Once Again
Here I am, practically on the eve of another move. Tonight, it doesn’t matter to where, how far or what lies ahead. Tonight is my melancholy night of self-indulgence. I look back on my life into the patterns; I wonder why I’ve made the choices I have and swear to myself that this time it will be different. Although, from where I sit right now, it’s not looking all that unfamiliar.
Everything I own is again in boxes
And the older I get, the scarier it is
My memory isn’t what it used to be
Most of my trinkets are triggers
They remind me of where I’ve been
Who I am and who I was,
Perhaps also, hopes of who I’m trying to recover
The last few years have been hard ones
Not anything I could have foreseen
Not in the cards nor in the runes
No fortune teller warned me
No doctor could predict
Yet it was what it was, it is what it is
I’m climbing out, as eventually I always do.
I’m not one to stagnate, I always rebound
Something with my spirit I suppose
I’ve always had too much hope for my own good
Too much faith in something no one else can see
Given too much power to something no one else believes
But that’s just the way I am
I won’t make an apology for it
Although I can’t say it’s always worked,
Prayers and faith don’t always work no matter what they say
A lot of times it does get worse, not better
But that’s life.
Silence surrounds me now
I am so tired of moving
But I have yet to find a place I want to stay
Wait, that’s not entirely true.
Colorado was a place I wanted to stay.
I just wasn’t ready to give up everything to stay there alone with an uncertain future.
Now, everything in my world has turned on its end from what I used to define as “My Life”
“My Life” is now something I have to start building all over again
Brick by brick, piece by piece
But I’m not young anymore
And my view of the world has become somewhat jaded
And that scares me
I know I have a million possibilities open to me and I can do anything
I know I can start over anywhere
I know that all I have to do is reengage.
I am so tired.
Rocky Mountain High
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Scenery around the Colorado Rocky Mountain Region