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My Heart And I

Updated on September 20, 2015

September 19, 2015.

This wayward heart in my chest goes nuts, and fools with me. This hub may be strange, but rings of truth. I may decide to delete it later because it reflects too much of my vulnerabilities. In other words I am a cry baby.

I am reminded that I am screwed up vulnerable, and could drop dead at any time. My doctors told me that I have good reasons , for my acute anxiety because my heart beats all over the place. This has been one of those reminder days where my heart tells me that it is in charge of me.

Like a free agent, this part of myself does as it pleases, like today, as I breathe with miserable agonizing difficulty as I wheeze my way to oblivion like a staggered drugged up beast from the volcanic bowels, and dreary dungeons of hell.

It is like daylight, and dark, my existence. I am not fighting , for anything, not my life, as God is probably aware, and in charge of when my time must come to join the masses of once lived bones. The thousands of years that quietly still the nights with sleeping cadavers of trillions of once lived organisms.

Oh I wonder what it will be like when the transition arrives. There are a few opinions based on speculations. I feel better now because my rescue inhaler has kicked in my breathing abilities again. I felt like crying, and dying like a sniveling coward only two minutes ago. Now I feel like jumping on my riding lawn mower to do wheelies, or pop it's clutch.

Two hundred puffs in one inhaling device are my tickets to existence from Pro Air. Soon it will be time , for my Spiriva , my daily maintenance inhaler as well. The elephant is off my chest , for now. I love elephants so if one crushes the malarkey out of me someday I will be happy that I got killed by friendly fire. Personally I would like to have a elephant , and a piece of Africa , for it to raise a family. Becky would giggle over feeding one some ears of corn.

My life is a little different, but I still like to work. I love Joann, and Becky. I like to write. I like myself in general. There is nothing wrong with liking you're self. Why do you have to feel guilty about loving you're self. Simply getting the record straight. I would rather talk about myself than of Donald Trump, or of great movie stars. Don't get me wrong. I like movie stars, and politicians , but no one can be compared to the greatness of you.

God said that we are like Gods. We were made by God. We are unique , and gifted as human beings. Always be proud of you're self, and if anyone ever calls you a self centered narcistic person, then tell that individual to kiss the sky blue moon .

Some people do not care if you live, or die as long as they feel good. I never asked anyone to cry over me. I saved lives as either a police officer, or a security officer when I was young, and I was never afraid of danger. I am pleased with my past, and feel ready , for eternity. I do hope there is a Heaven so that I can at least email my deceased friends just in case there is no vacancy , for me in Heaven..


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    • stars439 profile image

      stars439 2 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

      Dear Mr.s Deborrah : Thank you for writing. You speak with such clarity, and what I find so wonderful, and beautiful about you is you're love , for other human beings in such , and unselfish way. I have always known you as , and Angel of God because you are truly a person who cares about others. Thank you so much, for being my friend , and for being a part of my heart, and life that I cherish. I thank God for many wonderful gifts, and your kindness, and compassion is mankind's blessing, and mine. I am never alone with you in my heart. GBY.

    • stars439 profile image

      stars439 2 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

      Dear Bluebird : Thank you for writing. I think we all express ourselves when we are faced with trials , or tribulations. When we are all unfortunately faced with situations that test our endurances we are all at our best. God Bless You.

    • stars439 profile image

      stars439 2 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

      Dear Blossom : Thank you , for writing, and hope you are doing well dear heart. I will try consuming less sugar because I love sweets. Thank you , for the idea.

      It seems it has been a while since I have really communicated with all my friends. GBY

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 2 years ago

      Stars, Your writing encourages others to learn how to appreciate life no matter what is going on. Every breath that we take is precious and we should not ever take it for granted. "Confession is good for the soul!" It is your life and your choice to freely share your thoughts. Just continue to be the "Best You!" The Lord knows your heart and that is what matters most. "Man looks on the outside and God Looks at the heart!" You can rest assure since you have accepted Jesus Christ in your Heart as Lord & Savior that at the appointed time our Lord has a place for you in Heaven to live out Eternity!

      In the meantime just continue to take care and Enjoy on this side of Heaven as much as you can. May our Heavenly Father continue to Bless & Strengthen You & Keep You ALL in HIS love & Care! May He also continue to give you Joy for your journey knowing that He is always a prayer away!

      Lord Bless All of You!

    • bluebird profile image

      bluebird 2 years ago

      I like when you write like this, wish I could. It amazes me about the human mind and all it is and capable of doing and thinking. And connected with the heart, of loving and caring.

      I wish you all the best in this life. God only knows our own individual difficulties, what we're up against. And He alone really knows our own human potential. We all truly do have a lot to look forward to - the Bible is true and gives us the vision into an incredible future in the family of God. Blessings always to you and yours!

    • BlossomSB profile image

      Bronwen Scott-Branagan 2 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      Hello Stars, it's good to hear from you. I was just thinking - do you find that your heart beats unevenly when you have eaten something with lots of sugar. That's what some of my friends are finding, and even those with a 'sweet tooth' are telling me that if they can be strong-minded enough to skip the sugar and eat home-made meals they feel so much better. Just thought it might help.