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Torn Between Two Lives

Updated on May 12, 2011

I don’t know where I belong

I’m torn from branch to bough

The place I yearn to call home

Which one? I do not know

My heart is caught between two

Kansas ranch

Or the home I once knew

Oh, each day I’m pulled to and fro

Where do I belong?

Where should I go?

My life,

as I know it today

Holds me back and away

From the life I knew years ago

Is waiting

But, how do I know

When to stay or

When to go?

Where my heart thrives

Which one of these ?

A life of toil or a life of ease

And so many little ones

Depend on my presence and care

And, while I’m laboring there,

My other home calls me…so

I wonder, is now the time to go…?

But leaving is so hard to do

If only I believed and I knew

That my beloved would be okay

I’d return to the coast

Right away

And safely choose to stay

For a while.

 

I wake in the middle of night

Feeling tense and filled with fright

And concern that should I finally leave

My beloved ‘kids’ would surely grieve

For, I have never stayed away long

The need to nurture within

So strong

What would they do without me there?

Who else could possibly care

Enough?

Imagination wanders to my used to be

I walk through the door, in fantasy

Believing my troubles have lessened so

That I give permission …for me, do go!

Back to those roots that served so well

That I call home

That I can tell

Is where I belong, where memories lie

Go, go now! Do not deny

This wish, this desire to be free

Don’t be caged

Hear this plea!

Go home

Go home

Please.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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    • Sunny Barb profile image

      Barbara Lease Walker 

      7 years ago from Central Florida

      I always love, love, love anything you write! Even if our friend JY3502 thinks you sound confused. Ha ha. Are you confused? Just kidding. I am kind of in a similar situation..betwixt and between. How nice if we could be in two places at once. Maybe we can. Oh, I think Seeker7 may be speaking of the book by Norman Vincent Peale, "You Can If You Think You Can." Good stuff! ... Of course you must take your babies with you! It looks like you have made your decision. I hope you feel better and have some resolution. Just know that wherever you go, you always have a friend here in Central Florida....uh, unless I decide to move elsewhere. :)

    • Lucky Cats profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Sharyn, I totally understand not being able to read all the great work by everyone all the time! I feel the same way; so much wonderful effort by so many great writers. Do not worry...(as I do!!) feeling that I'm so behind and missing so much and that my fav. hubbers will miss comments and visits...can't be everywhere all the time just glad to see you when you can stop by!!

    • Lucky Cats profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Beautiful wisdom, Seeker7. I am going to copy that phrase and place it on my desktop because, like you, I believe it to be true! I'm going to visit your site, now...to get acquainted with your writing. Thank you for sharing and commenting here. Kathy

    • Seeker7 profile image

      Helen Murphy Howell 

      7 years ago from Fife, Scotland

      Hi luckycats, beautiful poem, it really paints a vivid picture of your thoughts. Don't worry about you or your kitties. You'll find that place, because you are open to the idea. One book I read had a saying in it that has helped me a lot - 'you can if you think you can'. Just keep that in mind and all will be well.

    • Sharyn's Slant profile image

      Sharon Smith 

      7 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

      Hi Kathy,

      I, like Mar, am SO behind in my reading :) I'm still following . . . just slowly. Wishing you the best always with all these decisions to be made in your life!

      Sharyn

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      7 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Lucky Cats,

      I am quite behind on my reading. However, I am thrilled to read the comments that have followed. I was praying that you would follow your heart/ find a way to move and take your babies with you. You are an inspiration and this poem is moving.

      Voted UP, AWESOME & BEAUTIFUL.

    • profile image

      Alaster Packer 

      7 years ago

      Lucky Cats, I read this yesterday but had to get some feelings sorted on your situation. Chatkath and Sally are correct. I believe the right choice came to you because your open to the guidance that is innate within you. Your loved and loving friends will be fine. Keep writing if possible during this, it will be good for you and you have many friends here. Yours Kath

    • Lucky Cats profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Thanks for the vote of confidence Truckstop Sally! Truly appreciate it..and I believe you are right.

      CK...Kath...I'm returning to Napa, Calif....isn't that wild!?! I've got an idea...you don't have to leave your kitties; I can't see you doing that. Most of mine will stay on the 10 acres in the country here at the sanctuary until I can find the right place for ALL of us. Otherwise, my friend Al is going to stay here while I begin to work on the place in Napa so that we can move most of the animals..this is very difficult and painful but, I just have to believe that it will all work out. Otherwise, I'll live that double life of confusion in perpetuity because I can't leave my kitties. Where are you right now? This is very odd and strange that we're going through similar situations. I have had such a hard time the last year or so here...wanting to return home but being held here by my sense of responsibility and love. Oh boy!

    • Chatkath profile image

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      This is strange Kathy, I am going through a very similar dilemma right now, I am homesick for home - The Bay Area - but it is so expensive, I will have to work all the time just to pay rent and most of all I will miss my kitties!!!! What to do...Hmmm I must think about this, for you, I would also have trouble leaving that beautiful house but I think that you are working it out the best you can in your writing. An answer, the right answer will come to you!

    • Truckstop Sally profile image

      Truckstop Sally 

      7 years ago

      Your heart will guide you! And be happy with your choice! And . . . you can always change your mind later - a woman's peragative!

    • Lucky Cats profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Bobbi, JY, AA, Always I am so happy that you continue to visit my hubs. I know this one appears to be an exercise in indecision...and it IS! Right now I'm trying to make this very decision while so much is at stake in doing so. Very difficult. Thank you so much, Always Exploring..for allowing me to know there are others who have gone through this..it lessens the impact. Thank you all so much. Kathy

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      7 years ago from Southern Illinois

      OMG,I can relate to this. I had to make this decision...I chose home. I was living in Houston, working in nursing and making more money..But i was unhappy..I decided money was not that important. Whatever you decide, i wish you the very best.

      Cheers

    • JY3502 profile image

      John Young 

      7 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      Lucky, you sound confused...LOL No, it's a really good poem!

    • A.A. Zavala profile image

      Augustine A Zavala 

      7 years ago from Texas

      Voted up. Decisions, decisions. So difficult to make. Yet, I have hope whatever you decide will be best for all involved. Must fortune and blessings to you.

    • BobbiRant profile image

      BobbiRant 

      7 years ago from New York

      A sweet poem pondering many things. I think many often wonder where they fit in, or lie. Nice hub.

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