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Funny gardening forum conversation

Updated on June 7, 2015

Its all about my Veggie Patch


HeeLLPP me catch Bush Wacking animals PLEASE

That was the intro used in a Gardening help forum.

Although I was frustrated with critters using my veggie patch as a

fast food outlet, I knew my cry for help was going to turn into a hilarious

and outrageous collection of messages the minute my fingers touched the keyboard.

As the forum gathered momentum on how to combat snails, slaters, earwigs, and other creepy crawlies, I included making signs for animals to follow and give directions to other tasty treats. In the end I even made an electric fence to keep out unwanted vermin.

Below is a blow by blow account of the dialogue as it happened.

Sit back and open your mind for some fun and be entertained by the commentary.

If by any chance you do not find or this funny, go straight to My Electric Fence and

My Watering System for Vegetable gardens in hot and dry climates.

The photo is of me & Fred, and has nothing to do with Veggie Patch.

Photo is dedicated to my mate Fred, who slowly past away of natural causes.

.

Cos Lettuce
Cos Lettuce

HeeLLPP me catch Bush Wacking animals PLEASE

My Input Sunday, 06 Dec 2009 11:05 PM

If not catch, kill them DEAD.

I have been out today looking for them; I spent a couple of hours last night.

But the sneaky buggers still get into veggie patch and eat the leaves of my

Peppers ( Capsicum) plants.

Help. I have shoot gun, but it makes to much noise.

I want something ORGANIC to slowly kill them, with lots of pain. LOL

Thanks in advance

There was a link to original forum thread, but because of google & filter problems, as OP of that thread. I deleted it.

Here are reply threads as they came in

Reply dtfonehome

Gee, I'm glad you're not MY neighbor.

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Reply legsinau

All animals have a right to live. You should leave them alone.

You are cruel.

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My Input

Sorry about that Legs and dttelhome, but invested a lot in veggie plants and those critters are getting a free meal.

Not fair. I know its sound as if I'm cruel, but I'm not really.

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Reply legsinau

Wait till one BB sees this thread, you will be in serious trouble LOL

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Reply mirribears-andcraftsupplies

Put some netting over the vegies ?

Have you a license for the shoot gun ?

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Reply dtfonehome

what sort of critters are we talking about?......snails?...rabbits?..........rats?.............what

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My input

No snails, no rabbits. They must be small things like grubs of some kind.

I heard Lady Bugs are good at getting rid of pests. Found one Ladybug in patch, but I think I need 100's more.

Don't tell BB !

Beer is for snails. What's good against wiggly things ?

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Reply nara120

Try salt maybe, just the tiniest sprinkle around each plant.

Also, head out there when it's dark with a torch and a bucket.

Either early in the morning or late at night and especially after any rain.

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Reply dtfonehome

Isn't there something called Ferris dust, derris dust, something like that you can spread around....

...........try talcum powder, if nothing else, the garden will smell nice and sweet.

.................................................................................................................................................................................................

My input

Salt ??????? Might not be good for the plants long term.

But I like the bucket idea.

Unfortunately the plants are to close together for the bucket, so I'll squish them with the torch instead. LOL

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Reply nara120

ROFL, you're supposed to use the torch to catch the little critters and put them in the bucket, not over the plants! lol

Are there any little trails?

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My input

No trails. I even used a magnifying glass.

I think they have very small feet.

...............................................................................................................................................................................................

Please read next module after .............this short ad break. And it does get funnier

...............................................................................................................................................................................................

Scientific Fact

Did you know that Dung Beatles

use the stars to navigate !!!!

Heard it on the Radio

Things you need but forget to buy

eneloop AAA 1800 cycle, Ni-MH Pre-Charged Rechargeable Batteries, 4 Pack (discontinued by manufacturer)
eneloop AAA 1800 cycle, Ni-MH Pre-Charged Rechargeable Batteries, 4 Pack (discontinued by manufacturer)

Your remote needs battery's. The old one you can use to zap creepie crawlies

 

Reply tmbjewels

Earwigs and slaters... get a small butter container ( or the like) and put some smallish holes under the lip then put some vege oil in the bottom and then put the lid on...They get in through the holes, get the oil on them and can't climb out so they drown,,,You may not get any the first night but be patient and they will be drawn to the smell of the oil...

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My input

Yeap. Found earwigs yesterday.

No idea what a slater is but. Must look that one up.

Off to the supermarket to buy a 5 litre tin of veggie Oil.

( Now I know why they call it vegetable Oil )

But I don't get it, if I put holes into my plastic container, the oil going to leak out.

Not to worry, I'll deal with that later.

.............................................................................................................................................................................................

My input

Hey Jewels !

Help. Just got back from shop !!! Confused !

Olive Oil, First Press, 2nd Press, Virgin, Conola Oil, peanut oil, Sunflower Oil. Going crazy.

Oils ain't oils ! Which one ?

..............................................................................................................................................................................................

Reply marian-48

I have a large Magnolia tree in the backyard, about a week ago I noticed every leaf was chewed down to the stalk, It virtually happened overnight. I have searched for grubs but nothing can be found. It's a real mystery as first time in 30 years this has happened. Marian

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My input

Sorry about your Magnolia Tree Marion.

But if I can vanquish my bugs, I'll come over and camp near your tree with my bucket and torch........I'll get em !

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Reply fluttabuy

sorry gus... but this is a funny (haha) thread....hope ya get the lil blighters tho

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My Input

Well thank you very much FLUTTER.

Hope your having a good laugh at my expense.

I'm going to catch em all, and send them to you. Then I can have LOL

Boy am I lucky BB has gone out for the day.

Looked up Slater.

Yep I seen one of them ARMOURED type things. I hope they like to swim heheheeheee

...............................................................................................................................................................................................

Please read on after the next short break. Relax and recoup from laughing. I hope

............................................................................................................................................................................................

For those that just don't get it.

Skip the messages and jump to

My Patented Watering System

And My Electric Fence to keep Crawlies out

My self published paperback. Road Trip " From Australia to Germany " with DVD

This was a once in a lifetime Road Trip.

My book is about an epic journey that began in Melbourne.

Traveling 4000 km's on dirt roads and tracks to the the RED CENTER ( Ayers Rock )

and on to Perth in Western Australia.

Then by freighter too Ceylon and India via Indonesia and Singapore, and on to India.

Then we traveled again by road through places such as Pakistan,

Afghanistan, Iran, Turkey and Austria all the way to Germany and Holland.

Both English and German versions of Book are below. Both come with DVD

But you can also get my Digital Kindle book, but it does not come with DVD

Monterey LG6500 Sluggo Slug & Snail Killer 2.5 Pound
Monterey LG6500 Sluggo Slug & Snail Killer 2.5 Pound

Organic is good. Better than a shot gun.Not so much noise

 
Fiskars X7 Hatchet 14 Inch
Fiskars X7 Hatchet 14 Inch

I recommend this hatchet for the more aggressive critters

 

Should we wage war on pests ?

Live and let live

Live and let live

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    No comments yet.

    Nuke them ?

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      • seahorse60 3 years ago

        I don't like to kill anything but it's annoying when they eat your food before you get a chance to!

      • Giovanna Sanguinetti 3 years ago from London UK

        We have no choice! Once I had so many snails in my garden that I had to pick them up one by one and put them in plastic bags - I don't want to remember what I did next! But I had no choice - there literally were thousands of snails all over the garden, eating their way through everything. I sympathize with you.

      New Photo Gallery

      Click thumbnail to view full-size
      My Photo.Close upish of leaves with where critters have had lunchMy Photo.One row of COS lettuceMy PhotoTriffids plant. I did not plant it. It just came and took over the whole back yard.Creepy Crawlie Snail no more.
      My Photo.Close upish of leaves with where critters have had lunch
      My Photo.Close upish of leaves with where critters have had lunch
      My Photo.One row of COS lettuce
      My Photo.One row of COS lettuce
      My PhotoTriffids plant. I did not plant it. It just came and took over the whole back yard.
      My PhotoTriffids plant. I did not plant it. It just came and took over the whole back yard.
      Creepy Crawlie Snail no more.
      Creepy Crawlie Snail no more.

      Veggie Patch Essentials

      Here you find all the things you need to protect your green investment

      Fiskars 3 Piece Softouch Garden Tool Set (7067)
      Fiskars 3 Piece Softouch Garden Tool Set (7067)

      Tools to dig holes so you can cups with beer in them

       
      NY Coffee Cup (100 paper cups with lids) by SOLO
      NY Coffee Cup (100 paper cups with lids) by SOLO

      Cups to bury in veggie patch, or use when you a party.

       
      United Solutions PA0147 Blue 3 Gallon (12 Quart) Plastic Utility Pail with Handle and Pouring Spout - Pack of Three (3)
      United Solutions PA0147 Blue 3 Gallon (12 Quart) Plastic Utility Pail with Handle and Pouring Spout - Pack of Three (3)

      A bucket to put your snails in. Don't try and squash them with it. That's what the torch is for.

       

      Part Two and the threads continue

      Reply dtfonehome

      hahahahaha - omg, you should have put the Quicksales logo on it, we might get some new business here...................

      ..............................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply calostemma

      Alladin, I think you put the holes halfway up the sides of the container , then fill with oil to the holes.

      Lured by the smell "it' crawls up the side and through the hole

      ............................................................................................................................................................................................

      My input

      Thanks Calostemma,

      makes sense. I bought chewing gum to plug the holes.

      I'll put some chewy into the oil as well, they might have a sweet tooth.

      ..............................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply dtfonehome

      Holes in the lid.....................in the lid, so the slippery lil' suckers can get in but can't

      get out..................(are you blonde?)

      ...............................................................................................................................................................................................

      My Input

      Blond ?, not anymore. Pulled out most of my hair.

      ...............................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply dezirable-books

      Oh, my sides are hurting from laughing after reading this.

      I have holes exactly the same in my capsicum leaves and haven't found anything on them yet either.

      Also, I have noticed sparrows eating my silver beet. They also pick off the carrots as they come through the ground, so I haven't got any carrots this year after 2 sowing attempts.

      PS Don't forget to wear your camouflage gear and helmet when you are out hunting so they don't see you first, hehe

      .............................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply groovystuffgalore

      Hiya

      It is more likely to be earwigs than slaters....

      Slaters (we used to call them butchy boys) usually eat dead plant material, so are less likely to be the culprits in your garden. Earwigs, on the other hand, will eat anything!!

      Suggestions for removal... Earwigs like moist, cool places, so try wetting a rolled up newspaper, and leaving it near the plants overnight. In the morning, take the newspaper somewhere away from the plants, and open it up and shake it well.... if you don't find any earwigs, then you need to look for a different culprit!!! Another suggestion is the veggie oil, already mentioned....

      If you have an earwig problem; you need to make sure you don't have "soggy mulch" as they absolutely love it.

      Another thing... earwigs are attracted to light, so perhaps the bucket and torch might come in handy as well!!

      ..............................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply just-do-it

      Grasshoppers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      ................................................................................................................................................................................................

      My input

      Grasshoppers ! Nope. I haven't seen any of those for years.

      I like the newspaper idea.

      I'll put a sign inside that as well, since they like reading.

      Shake it. No way !!!!!!!. Burn the buggers, paper and all.

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      Reply groovystuffgalore

      LOL... burn the paper if you want, but you need to know that you are actually catching the culprits..... I suggest the first few times, you check to see if there are any little beggars in the paper. If not, you know that earwigs are not the problem. I read somewhere that you could spray soapy water on the leaves of plants to deter slugs etc from eating them....

      Love the sign!!

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      Reply Tupperfromme2u

      Home brewed pest spray that i find to be VERY effective on all our vegies. 2-3 garlic bulbs (u can also use dried garlic granuals), 2 Tablespoons of hot chilli powder, 1 Tablespoon of vegetable oil, 3 squirts of liquid detergent and 7 cups of water.

      Put all the ingredients into blender and vitamize well, then strain through muslin, coffee filter or something similar.

      Pour what u need into a spray bottle. We have been using this the last 12 months and have found it to be as effective as chemical sprays. Now all iv gotta do is sort the hares out so they leave my sweet corn alone. lol!

      ............................................................................................................................................................................................

      My input.

      I like the home made pest killer stuff, but I'm confused about straining through a muslim ?

      Better look that one up.

      I'm going to use Chinese Garlic, it has so much bleach in it, that should kill them alone.

      Sorry, I miss read previous message. I read Muslim.

      Muslin is a type of finely-woven cotton fabric, introduced to Europe from the Middle East. From Wikipedia

      en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muslin

      ...................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply Legs

      Love the sign Aladdin, That ought to do it. LOL

      ....................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply dtfonehome

      Hey AC, try this....

      (just checked...............nope.......ya don't live next door...........so fire away)

      ........................................................................................................................................................................................

      My Input

      To make 100% sure the bugs go into my container, I have done the following.

      1) I've put some leaves from Capsicum plants, some lettuce and Tomato plant leaves into blender

      together with a dash of beer. Added the Veggie oil and blended the whole lot together. Smells nice.

      I hope the free loaders like it as well.

      2) I did not have butter containers, so I used plastic cups.

      Dug 4 holes & put the cups in

      I did that so they don't have a long climb up the side.

      3) I put up more sign's pointing in the right direction. That should do it.

      ......................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply Third-girl

      Thank you all for a very informative and hilarious time.

      AC - why not try a blow torch - might work..... but take care during the fire season.

      ...........................................................................................................................................................................................

      My Input

      Unfortunately I have to find the little buggers to use blow torch.

      I think 5 or 6 little oily swimming pools with tasty snack bar will do the trick.

      ............................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply dezirable-books

      Well, I'm never going to laugh at another thread again :(

      I just went out and checked my lettuce seedlings which had been poking through the ground for about a week and they are all munched off at the bases, just leaving the bare stems. Not a slug trail in sight either and I think the slug would have taken the whole tiny plant? grrrrrrrrrr

      I need to know if that lethal cocktail worked because I think I'm going to be using the blender today, lol

      ..........................................................................................................................................................................................

      Did you know that Slaters are a

      part of the LOBSTER family.

      Wiki Research

      I also want to point out that NO critters were harmed in the making of this Lens

      Here is my Watering System designed to water roots.

      Bottle Watering System
      Bottle Watering System

      It can get very hot in Australia as we all know.

      So I don't like watering the top of the soil in the whole veggie garden.

      Its a waste of water. So I devised a ROOT water system that has tried and tested for a few years.

      When I plant something like Tomatoes, I also put in very sturdy plastic pipes. These pipes have holes

      drilled into them along the end for about one foot. So when the pipes are in the ground the water goes

      direct to roots of the plant.

      To make the whole system self watering, I placed drink bottles on top and filled them with water.

      That filled up the pipe, and when the soil became dry, it soak up the water from Pipe and bottle.

      You can see from a distance when you need to fill a bottle up.

      Please send me royalty's if you use this system. Or better still, just LIKE my lens

      Thank you

      My Electric Fence

      My Electric Fence
      My Electric Fence

      My input

      Before showing you lovely COS lettuce, I should have explained about the creepie crawlies.

      The sign I put in the veggie patch for the bugs to follow worked !!!!

      ( A picture of my billboard is further up in this post )

      At least that what thought. During the day I never found any bugs.

      But the sign did not work at nighttime. Maybe it was to dark for the bugs to read.

      At 1 am in morning I went out bashed snails, earwigs and other critters to death.

      After the 4th night, with bags under my eyes, I decided to stop them getting into my veggie

      patch in the first place. I needed my sleep.

      So I devised an electric fence for snails.

      Car battery, 18 meters wire, an electric on off switch and some clothes pegs.

      ..............................................................................................................................................................................................

      My input

      This worked really well. When the snails sneaks across the first wire he is fine.

      BUT, when they touch the 2nd wire !!! Toasted. It worked so well, I collected the snails

      each morning until I had a bucket full. Then I went to the local FRENCH restaurant and offfered them

      for sale as "Escargot" but the cook said he wanted them live. So much for that idea.

      CAUTION! Be very careful if you are going to decide to use the snail from your own back yard or front yard. Try to ascertain if anyone has used snail bait for eradication of snails. SNAIL POISON! Your neighbors could use snail poison and these can migrate to your yard and contaminate your new found protein source. REMEMBER! Some snails may contain enough poison that may not be lethal to the snail--but there may be enough residual poison that if you consumed enough of the contaminated types it may KILL YOU!!

      ................................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply nonswimmingturtle

      Aladdin you sound like you have had a busy day getting yourself ready for tonight, I hope it works, I look forward to reading tomorrows update. I know it is serious, nothing worse putting in all that hard work planting things and have someone/something beating you to the food......but thanks for the laugh, it has been highly entertaining

      PS and I hope they can read your signs

      ...................................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply take-your-fancy

      Don't know how I managed to miss this thread - but it's hilarious !!

      OMG an electric fence for snails - and it worked ROFL ....oh there's some pretty funny stuff here, sorry to have a giggle at your expense....but...I can't help it !!!!!!!! ROFL x lots!!!

      what a great read...and outcome !!

      .................................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply aussiebares

      Love this thread haven't had suh a good giggle in a long time....hehehehe.....I'm glad you got the problem sorted and youe vegies look fantastic....Keep up the great work.....lol

      Cheers

      Julie

      ..................................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply Third-girl

      Well done AC! I was reading this post a few days ago, and wondered how things were growing - and having another giggle. One of the best posts yet in OZtion I reckon.

      I'm a bit concerned though - would this use of the car battery ruin the warranty? Would you be able to get an extended warranty that covered a few more hectares?

      Also, does the electric fence discriminate against the good critters? How are the worms going? I'd hate to think that they might be unintentionally having an electric eel look-alike contest.

      ...............................................................................................................................................................................................

      Reply Third-girl

      Brilliant AC, just brilliant. Good photos, too.

      Maybe you need to electrify your sign, with brilliant flashing lights, for night-time, so the creepy crawlies can see it.

      >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

      That's it folks. The messages keep going on and on, but was getting of topic. So I'll stop now, and hope you enjoyed

      this lens as much as I did making it.

      Thank you for stopping by, and Cheers from DOWNUNDER

      Love animals, here's certificate to prove it

      Love animals
      Love animals

      I love animals, here is certificate to prove it.

      Plus no animals were hurt in making this lens.

      Well, there was that dumb pigeon.

      But doesn't count !

      He just landed on the two wires, did a funny dance and flew off. No harm

      I hope your were ROFL. If not, I hope I got a smile

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          Giovanna Sanguinetti 3 years ago from London UK

          So very funny - the comments are priceless and so are your responses. As I said earlier snails are my problem This is the organic way of getting rid of them. They don't like smelling other dead snails, so what you do is catch a few, skewer them on a stick, leave them in the sun to dry. Once dried turn them into a powder and sprinkle round your veggies. Job done! Yuk - how revolting is all that! Brilliant lens. lol

        • Aladdins Cave profile image
          Author

          Aladdins Cave 3 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

          @Adventuretravels: Thank You very much adventuretravelshop. Its great to get good feedback. Or any feedback for that matter. I'm so glad I got a smile and a like from you.Cheers from DOWNUNDER

        • profile image

          anonymous 3 years ago

          Wonderful lens, I like it. :)

        • Aladdins Cave profile image
          Author

          Aladdins Cave 3 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

          @anonymous: Thank you very much for having a laugh, I hope, and for liking my lens.

        • profile image

          stormy1990 3 years ago

          Yay! You're ranking #1 for (funny gardening forum conversation) without quotes! Congrats! BTW, I replied to your email!

        • Aladdins Cave profile image
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          Aladdins Cave 3 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

          @stormy1990: Hi smilebs, sorry its taken so long to reply, I don't get notified on this lens. I need to check settings. Thank you for liking it. Glad you had a laugh. Cheers Gus

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          Aladdins Cave 3 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

          @stormy1990: Hi Stormy, who do you do it ? Write so well ! You have a gift my friend. Thank you for email. Great help. Cheers Gus

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          Aladdins Cave 3 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

          @stormy1990: Hi Stormy, thanks heaps from DOWNUNDER.

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          seahorse60 3 years ago

          Thanks for a good laugh!

        • Aladdins Cave profile image
          Author

          Aladdins Cave 3 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

          @seahorse60: Hi Seahorse, thanks for liking and leaving a message. I'm glad you got a laugh out of this lens. Some people don't get it, but I think that's because they don't read the whole thing. Cheers from DOWNUNDER

        • favored profile image

          Fay Favored 3 years ago from USA

          Your electric fence is a bit frightening :) Wouldn't want to step on that thing. The watering system is pretty cool though. Always up to something aren't you Gus? I was here before, but I see it didn't take. Tweeting works, that's how I knew to stop back. Blessings!

        • Aladdins Cave profile image
          Author

          Aladdins Cave 3 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

          @favored: Hello from DOWNUNDER. Thanks for stopping in & leaving a comment. Love to get feedback. I do Tweet all my lens every 10 days when I update them. I did tweet them daily, but I think people get sick of seeing same thing over and over. God Bless

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