How To Be A Hit In The Office
At one time or the other, at school, church, dances, picnics, even in the office where we work, we all have desired to be "the man," "the woman," "Mr. (or Ms.) Popularity," and we just as well own up to the fact that we are all, as human beings, vain.
Vanity can be a tool of goodness. Or it can be a curse of obsession. You can choose the pathway that you want your own vanity to take you. Me? When I was in the workforce, secretly longed to be a "hit" with my colleagues and bosses, but never had the nerve to implement any of my original ideas on how being a "hit" could be so easy. Guess I was living in fear of losing my job. That in itself, is a great deterant against going "Maverick" and doing things against company policy.
But this is 2011, not 2000. Things, overall, have changed in the social and work climate of our office workplaces and that is a plus for you when you use the FREE and EASY "Be a Hit Tips" I am offering you now. That's right. Even the most shy and wallflower personality can, with the help of my tips and a little nerve on your part, can be a big hit with your coworkers.
Before I share my FREE and EASY tips, what does being a hit mean for you? Well, unless you thrive on going home after 5 p.m. Monday through Friday to a dingy, dark apartment where you live alone with no social life to speak of, then this is NOT the story for you to read. But if you want to be greeted with high-fives, low-fives, winks from pretty girls who work in your office and this is almost a daily occurance, then read on my friend. Help has arrived for you.
EVERYONE LOVES A CLOWN - and that's what makes my first tip work so well. It's built-in for humans to laugh. Use this to your advantage as you put this first tip into action. When a quiet moment happens in your office--when employees are busy with reports, filing, meetings, simply pick up your phone at your desk and in a authoritive tone of voice, PAGE YOURSELF two or three times. Then hang up. Instantly, you will hear gales of laughter emitting from cubicles a good ten feet away. Your coworkers will look at each other and burst into laughter. When they find out that you did this, they will nudge you in the ribs and call you, "Mr. Laughter," and suddenly you have a title of popularity. Girls will want to date you. Men will envy you. Try this as soon as you get into work in the morning.
TRY TO SING AND MESS UP INTENTIONALLY - what a great ice-breaker for a wallflower. Your coworkers will react one of two ways, 1. Pity you for not knowing the words to the hit song by Barry Manilow, "Mandy," (where you say 'dandy'), or 2. Laugh at you for being so ignorant. Either way, you win. Pity brings people who love to correct you to sing correcly and that opens the door for you to ask about karoke and if the "music expert" would like to go with you to a karoke club nearby. Getting laughed at can provide the same results--just keep acting ignorant until you feel like you're "in" and then do songs correctly. And if the person who accepts your karoke offer is a guy, that can work too. You can pick up chicks at the karoke club while "Music Man," belts out "Angie" by Mick Jagger while you swoon a pretty girl off her feet. It would be better if your karoke date were a girl. You would be more confident and be talked about more in the office. Like I said, either way, you win.
IN MEETINGS, BE INCORRECT - that can instantly bring on the boss' anger or correction. Again, people will feel sorry for your error-making and want to "talk to you in private" about possible trouble at home. Shoot for the office female guru in this case. Women make great listeners as you make-up one fantasy after the other about how your wife verbally abuses you often, but you don't believe in defending yourself. The listening woman will cry on the spot and if she's attractive, and you keep up the abused act, the night may be great for you. Oh, go on and say that your wife has already left you months ago, but you still love her. This will spread around the office like wildfire among the girl employees. Soon, your ship will be docking in the "Harbor of Big Hit," and you can live the life you have dreamed of.
SPLURGE FOR LUNCH - just with a few women who never speak to you. Just walk up humbly to them and say, "Say, Millie, you, Jane, and Margie, deserve a FREE lunch at Oh! Chalie's today. And it's on me!" Millie's mouth will spring open. Shock will set in. On the day you do this, dress extra sporty--wear your best suit that you reserve for funerals and weddings and when Millie, Jane and Margie see how fun you are at Oh Charlie's, wy' I wouldn't doubt that one of them can be your date this Friday night. EXTRA TIP: prepare for this day by socking back a few bucks in case these ladies eat like horses.
HAVE FLOWERS SENT TO YOURSELF - this, my friend, is THE ICING on the cake. Yes, it will cost you about $55.00 for a dozen red roses, but YOU are worth every petal, buddy. And include a sexy card that reads, "Thanks, (YOUR NAME HERE), for a hot night last night. I can hardly move today and I want to see you tonight!" Love, (MADE UP GIRL'S NAME). When the roses arrive, act up a storm and accuse your male coworkers of playing a joke on you. Did you know that the girls in your office will suddenly be secretly checking you out and wondering what you did with the girl who wrote the card. One may ask you about the night you had with the girl on the card, but you shake your head, be evasive and say, "Oh, uh, we, uh, went to dinnner at (NAME OF EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT), went to, uh, the ocean for a walk, and then to my apartment to, uh, look at some artwork I have collected." The girl will NOT believe you. But will hint heavily that you can call on her sometime. But don't ask her out right then. Give it a week then make your move. This girl will jump at the chance to be with you, but be warned: YOU MUST BE ABLE TO PERFORM FOR HER MOST OF THE NIGHT, so get in some cardio exercise, sit-ups, push-ups, walking and treadmill work plus some good vitamins. I think you get the message.
USE MADE-UP HEARBREAK - to your social advantage. Choose a date on the calendar and circle it with huge, black markings. When you see a pretty girl coworker coming toward your desk, turn immediately and stare at your calendar--letting out lamented sighs. The girl, out of curosity, may ask what is wrong with you and you wipe away a fake tear, and tell her that this was supposed to be your wedding annniverary. That was until your unfaithful wife ran off with a traveling preacher and broke your heart. Odds are, the nurturing nature of this female will kick in and she may ask you to grab a cup of coffee or alcoholic drink after work to just talk. Be patient. Only talk and do not assume that she wants to date you. That will come. And always look your best when you meet her. Say, "I really don't know if I can trust any woman again," and look down. Her female chemicals will start kicking in and suddenly she will hint to you that YOU can trust her for she is your friend. Be friends for a while. Then move in for the date. See? This is easy, wallflowers.
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and Peace . . .!