Toilet Time - Secret Men's Business Revealed
Toilet Time - What do men do in there?
At the risk of being expelled from the club of secret men's business, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Men like to read when they go to the toilet. Why? Well most men have a need to fidget and be restless and one of the worst things you can do when riding the porcelain bus is move around and be distracted.
So to counteract these natural instincts, men needed something to hold their attention and ensure that answering the call of nature in a number two fashion didn't result in some disastrous outcomes.
Looking back in history probably points to this conundrum being the reason why newspapers were invented, however newspapers are large, cumbersome and going back only a few years were the primary source of paper for cleaning up after your visit to the to the smallest room out the back of the house.
Something better had to be invented, and it took many great men many years to come up with a solution.
Here for the first time are the fruits of their labour. Enjoy. Oh and don't tell anyone where you heard about the secret men's business. Shhhh.
All photos - Amazon products
Uncle Johns Genius
Expanding your horizons
Uncle John's Bathroom Readers contain trivia and short stories that are perfect to keep you rooted to the spot for a few minutes whilst you read them. Perfect for your visits to the small house. Now in their 25th year the Uncle Johns series have sold over 4 million copies and as it is an annual there are now 25 editions.
The current edition is The Fully Loaded 25th Anniversary Bathroom Reader as we men patiently await the 2013 renewal. And in case you were wondering, the Uncle John of the title is an actual man, who probably spent quite some time sitting in solitude before coming up with his moment of genius. He may also still be single.
Toilet paper for the numbers man
Not a words man? Then what better way to pass the time and continue to be amused than Sudoku toilet paper? I can only see one drawback to this idea, but as long as you carefully put your current game to one side if you don't quite finish it in one visit, disaster will be averted.
This shouldn't be an issue for the good player, just make sure you have several pens available. And don't ever put them in your mouth!
Crosswords are also available.
Toilet Paper Games
Here's a handy tip. Hang a pen on a piece of string from your toilet roll holder!
What's your habit?
Are you a reader or a thinker?
The height of sophistication
Have you fallen in love with your Sudoku or Crossword paper? Then here is the perfect device to ensure that all the puzzles on your roll will be solved as you wont need to use the paper! (If you are thinking of using the paper after completing all the puzzles, make sure you use a waterproof ink...) Popular across Europe and the Middle East, the height of polite toilet society.
Want to be even more posh? Then try a hands free bidet attachment. I first encountered one of these in Japan and it redefined my bromance with the porcelain prince.
Toilet Sprays and Bidets
The Final Act
After the event and to ensure that no questions are asked or recriminations occur on your next visit, always do as my mum said and that’s leave where you have just been in a better way than before you arrived. A few simple tools and sprays and your bathroom will be just like a little piece of heaven in your own home. (Poetic license may have been used here!).
Creating Heaven on Earth
A Man's World
Introducing the woman in your life
I'm sure women all over the world may wonder what is a man’s fascination with sitting down in the toilet for long periods of time? I am guessing that this is due to a lack of understanding, as women must sit down everytime they visit the littlest room. Well they don’t have to anymore.
Know exactly what it’s like to be a man when it comes to number 1 time. This genius device will show womankind two things, the first being what a relaxing treat it is to sit down and two, why a man's aim can at times be questionable. Enjoy this small glimpse into our secret world.
Because I can and also because I think it is amazing that someone took the time to invent, make and sell these classics.
You know that this was invented by a man...probably after a few to many drinks. Yet there is something kind of hypnotic about it. Like a car accident you can't look away from.
Many people will ask why? I just answer, why not?