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A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Insults

Updated on May 4, 2011

Let's face it, I know I'm heavier than I've ever been, everyone who knows me knows I'm heavier than I've ever been but thank God the people I know have the good taste to just talk about it behind my back. I'm not a go out and party kind of gay, in fact I haven't been a go out and party kind of gay since the late 80's but last weekend I was asked to go out with some chums and decided to go. To say I'm out of the loop is one of the largest understatements ever but I guess with all the MySpace and Facebook out there I should have known that an evening out in this day and age is all about the pictures. (It's like going out with Japanese tourists for Chrissakes!) And what I discovered was that a picture is worth a thousand insults - Don't Get Me Started!

I did what I could in a last minutey kind of way by not overdoing it in the eating department for the four days prior. The day of the "going out" I even carefully chose what I would and wouldn't eat. Why I'm sure I don't know as there was no way I was going to lose the twenty pounds I needed to by the evening. But at the very least I could eat in a way that wouldn't make me feel as bloated as I looked. So when I put on my little Garanimals outfit I convinced myself that I looked pretty good. The jeans had been worn just enough times so that they were a little loose but not so loose that it looked as though I bought them six sizes larger just to say, "Gee, these pants are falling off me. I need to get some new pants." So all in all, from the waist up I was more than a little presentable.

I knew that everyone would be wearing their "club blackwear" so I decided to use my "dare to be different attitude" and do the whole Harry Potter seen through colorful glasses fashion statement. The jeans, a dark blue - the shirt, lavender with French cuffs - the sweater vest, blue - the tie, red and blue classic stripe. When I got it all together I allowed the shirt tail to show just a touch from below the sweater and I was quite pleased with myself. (See picture)

So imagine my surprise when today I was forwarded pictures from the event and discovered that my waist looks so large that I look pregnant. Somewhere along the way during the evening apparently the lavender shirt was no longer "peeking out" from the bottom of the sweater to help break up the fattitude. I don't know if because it had gotten cold here it had curled up to stay warm or if it was just a matter of my gargantuan stomach eating up all the fabric of the shirt. Whatever happened, it was (as my family would put it) "not good" and I am mortified. (See picture 2)

I come from a long line of pot bellied man. My grandfather had one, my father has one, my brother has one so why I thought I would be the only one to NOT have one I'm sure I don't know. If truth be told, I've always had one no matter how thin or fat I was at any given point in my life. But now it's simply gotten out of control. Oooh, control top underwear...maybe that's what I need to do. I've seen it in the International Male catalog's underwear catalog called, "Undergear." I mean, I have to do something until I can "AB Lounger" my way out of this situation don't I? The one thing I do know is that no more pictures below the sternum! (I've always had a lovely sternum - does anyone use the word, "sternum" anymore?)

I've started back at the gym and I'm going to do whatever it takes to get rid of my forty-something forty pounds overweight but if you're like me and you haven't really looked at your abdomen in awhile I encourage you to put that digital camera of yours on self-timer and just go for it. Take a full length picture of yourself because no matter how much you convince yourself that you look "good enough" until you truly see yourself the way the camera sees you, you may never know...what I didn't know. A picture is worth a thousand insults - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • manthy profile image

      Mark 6 years ago from Alabama,USA

      Awesome hub - I gave you a link from a popular hub of mine.

      Under - a picture is worth - I would appreciate it if you could give me a link back sometime, I will continue to keep linking to your hubs if you will return the favor.

      Keep up the good work

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 9 years ago from Las Vegas

      Melissa, great advice...all except the no guilt part...I'm a Jew, without guilt I have nothing!!

    • Melissa G profile image

      Melissa G 9 years ago from Tempe, AZ

      Hahahaha, great hub and great photos--especially the second one. :) If you'd like to lose weight, I recommend the book "The Only Diet There Is." Basically, it talks about a diet from negative thinking about food. A few years ago, I was a really picky vegan who ate the most boring meals imaginable--oatmeal with almonds for breakfast, PB&J sandwiches on sprouted grain bread for lunch, and some type of soy-based fake meat item with salad for dinner. I also had my fair share of vegan chocolate chip cookies sprinkled in (thanks a lot, Trader Joe's!), and I always seemed to be carrying around an extra 15-20 pounds, then I read that book, abandoned the vegan thing, and started eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and somehow managed to lose weight! Exercising helps also, of course, but don't be too hard on yourself along the way. I developed a very strict yoga routine for myself during my vegan phase, and I was so hard on myself that 4 years later, I still can't bring myself to resume my yoga practice! I'm working on it though, slowly but surely. So, the best unsolicited advice I can give is to treat yourself lovingly, have patience, seek balance, and enjoy all your meals to the fullest. No guilt --> no gut.