An Insider Opinion Of Why Howard K Stern Is Not Entertainment Tonight
Someone Please Beat Up Stern and Steines
Anyone who watched the Anna Nicole show has hated Howard K. Stern for longer than he has been in the media for the last week. He was the poster child for celebrity hanger oners. Never providing more than a record number of "suck ups" per episode, he was always the part of Anna Nicole's entourage that just made you feel dirty. Well now he's all that's left and here's one insider's opinion of why Howard K. Stern is not entertainment tonight - Don't Get Me Started!
Shame, shame, shame is all that anyone can say to both The Insider and Entertainment Tonight. Last night they began their all encompassing coverage of one of the slimiest slime balls in recorded history. From the moment Mark Steines got on the private jet with Stern I was disgusted beyond belief. While Steines is doing his best Geraldo from Al Capone's vault (by the way, there's nothing here either), whispering and trying to act serious, Stern is pushing his face into the camera doing the worst acting job ever seen (except for Julia Roberts on Broadway, apparently). The look of the filming is like Blair Witch Project meets Real World. Stern contorts his face and yet it seems more like when a child that is crying for attention and keeps looking around to make sure that someone is watching them. No real boo hoos here just a lot of second rate acting. You know the kind, where you sort of shrug your shoulders up and down rapidly to give the illusion you're crying. Steines is acting like he's covering the Princess Diana death and is sitting there with Prince Charles which just goes to show that television can really make something out of nothing.
When they finally get off the jet and make their way to the home (that has supposedly been ransacked but you get the feeling Stern manufactured this too) there's more bad acting. This would be act two people (without the intermission to get another drink to make it all more palatable). Perhaps the best moments occur when Steines gets as close to the vault, sorry, I mean baby in the "safe house" where Danielynn is being kept. Steines uses his "spa voice" even though I'm not really sure why as it isn't as if he's outside of a Taliban meeting and he needs to sneak up on them. Although I can't lie, you sort of are wishing there was someone who would just rough up Stern and Steines a bit as they both continue to get more and more annoying as the show continues. (And I use the word, "show" because that's what this all was, a big show)
In the supporting cast we get some moments of Anna's mother trying to see the baby and listening to the baby cry through the intercom at the gate of the house but this woman is as disingenuous as Stern or Steines so you end up wondering what is the lesser of the evils for this child. (Big Idea: Give the baby to a gay couple, they'll raise her properly and since her mother was as close as you can come to being a woman and a drag queen it's a perfect fit!)
Back to Steines in the "war zone" as he acts like Anderson Cooper on assignment in Iraq but falls very short in looks, ability and taste. Meanwhile Mary Hart has the good sense to stay in the studio in her wrap dress just doing the intros to all the segments with her head slightly down I guess out of respect but really showing us that she has no roots due to a great color job (Kudos to Hart's colorist). Meanwhile Pat O'Brien is to Steines what Stern was to Anna, a hanger oner. O'Brien stands next to Steines in their taped segments between segments looking extremely awkward and just thankful to have any part of a story that isn't about his drunken ravings. O'Brien's jealousy over Steines having just interviewed Anna and Stern a few months ago and the fact that Stern obviously hand picked Steines for this "exclusive" interview is palpable. O'Brien has "wish it were me" written all over him like a "tagged" wall in the Bronx. O'Brien adds nothing to the whole deal but he got a trip to the Bahamas and obviously the make up person used the same color bronzer on both O'Brien and Steines so it's like watching the Oompah Loompahs of mock journalism.
When the shows finally get back to the studio they bring in people like John Travolta to try and clean up their image a bit. What do you think Travolta is going to say when they tell him they found a picture of him and Anna in the Bahamas home (funny that according to Stern all the photos were taken yet they have this photo and go to a close up of it).
That's it, I'm done. I don't care about Stern and I don't care about this whole mess anymore. If they really want to get an insider's view they would have found and interviewed Kimmy (Anna's assistant on the Anna Nicole Show) by now. Because when you watched the Anna Nicole Show you always got the feeling that the only one who really loved Anna was Kimmy (yes, in a lesbian, wow, that kind of makes me feel uncomfortable that she has a tattoo of Anna's face on her tit kind of way). Steines should be ashamed, O'Brien should be ashamed, Hart should be ashamed and Stern should be shot. And that's one insider's opinion of why Howard K. Stern is not entertainment tonight - Don't Get Me Started!
Read more of Scott's musings at www.somelikeitscott.com