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And People Make A Living Writing Horoscopes? – Don’t Get Me Started!

Updated on May 20, 2008

As long as I can remember horoscopes have been in my life. I remember my mother had the book "Sun Signs" by Linda Goodman. I don't remember ever reading the book myself but I know that whenever I was in a store with my mother I didn't ask for candy at the register but the small scrolls that you can buy that had your horoscope in it. Do you remember them or does the cheese stand alone on this one? At any rate, my mother (God love her) was into the horoscopes, psychics and I think she even went to a séance once in a supposed haunted house. It made her colorful, funny and just my mom. Well lately I started reading my horoscope online and I just have to say, I don't know if it's because I'm older or what but boy do these seem to be a whole lot of crap anymore. And people make a living writing horoscopes? - Don't Get Me Started!

Now I always tell everyone that I am a typical Scorpio. True, I think I do exhibit many of the qualities that are attributed to this sign - you know, sexy, charismatic, fiercely loyal and also when I'm done with you, I'm really done with you. I mean to the point where I won't even make eye contact with you. It's funny, I discovered this years ago. We've all had this experience, a friend who really isn't your friend but you tolerate so that you don't make waves or someone at work who manages to get out of doing all the work yet is there to step in and take the praise at the last moment. Well, what I discovered was that when I had been pushed beyond reason with someone like this I stopped making eye contact with them. I don't know if it has to do with the eyes being the "windows to the soul" as they say (and I didn't think the person deserved seeing my soul anymore or that I was just afraid they'd look into my eyes and see a soulless glare staring back at them) whatever the reason, I find when I'm through with someone I don't make eye contact.

When I was really little I didn't understand what the zodiac signs meant so in my mind somehow (probably my older brother told me to shut me up or scare the crap out of me) I thought that whatever zodiac sign you had, that was how you were going to die. I don't know where I got this and it's not over yet so you never know but I hardly think my brother will die from a fish (like Luca Brasi "Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes" from The Godfather) or that my father will be attacked by a lion (he's not Siegfried or Roy) or that my mother is fated to die from a killer crab attack. But then again, you never know.

But back to my main point (yes, I thought I had one when this began). I used to love to read my horoscope and get the scrolls or the small horoscope books at the grocery store but now when I read them not only do I not believe what I'm reading, there are many days I don't even know what the fuck they're trying to tell me. Here you go, here's an example of my horoscope for today... Now that the Sun is moving through your 8th House of Intimacy, it can enrich and activate your own basic issues. You are usually interested in discovering what is beneath the surface, what is behind the mystery and what is on the dark side of the Moon. Self-discovery is encouraged by self-inquiry. Use language to gain entry, but then use your feelings to get to the real stuff.

Just what in God's name is this supposed to mean? I don't get it and I don't want to get it. The sun is in the 8th house (when we all know from my musical theatre background it's the "moon" and it's in the "seventh house") and what's the deal with "basic" issues? I'm much more complex - I don't have basic issues, I had the DMV telling me I was a woman for three years for fuck sake! Who the hell has time for "basic" issues? I don't want to do any discovering underneath the surface because right now I have a tan on my body and a gloss on my hair to hide the gray just so I can cover up the surface. And as far as the moon goes, the only moon I know about is when Auntie Mame plays the "Moon Lady" in the musical Mame. There will be no self discovery because frankly I'm tired of inquiring about myself only to be put on hold or having to leave a message for myself. Finally, I don't possess a great knowledge of language (other than four letter words, obviously) so there's no way that's going to provide me with "entry" to the Matterhorn at Disneyland let alone to "the real stuff."

Alas, perhaps I'll keep reading the horoscopes but I just think that they used to be better written or something. They challenged you to see the mystery in life or at the very least, made you wonder whether or not you should be driving a car today. You know the important stuff. Can you imagine calling into work, "I know I'm supposed to work today but according to Linda Goodman's Love Signs not only am I not going to find love today, I'll be hit by a Mack truck if I drive today. Uh no, I won't be in."

Still I think I'm pretty Scorpio-like. So even if the sun is in a house it shouldn't be in, it doesn't take away from the fact that people who are born during the same time of the year exhibit some similar behaviors. Whew, well I feel better (that is until I discovered I share a birthday in common with Charles Manson). And people make a living writing horoscopes? - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 9 years ago from San Francisco

      Hee hee! This was a hilarious hub.

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 9 years ago

      Somelikeitscott and Stacie,

      I am just the opposite when it comes to being 'done' with people. I have only ever done that once in my life, and it was an agonizing decision to end the friendship. It came down to did I want to do all the investing in it, as it had come to be quite one-sided. And I thought, for once in my life, I'm not going to let someone else drag me down. I don't have the time or energy for it. In retrospect, it was a good decision.


    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 9 years ago

      Cheff Jeff,

      Yes, I have read horoscopes by different authors, and basically, that's where the skepticism comes in. Very unique idea with the train LOL,,,,,


    • Stacie Naczelnik profile image

      Stacie Naczelnik 9 years ago from Seattle

      I like to read them for fun, but sometimes they are fitting for me. I'm also a scorpio, and I'm right there with you on the eye contact and being "done" with people. It takes a lot to get me to that point, but once I'm there, it's forever.

    • Chef Jeff profile image

      Chef Jeff 9 years ago from Universe, Milky Way, Outer Arm, Sol, Earth, Western Hemisphere, North America, Illinois, Chicago.

      Did you ever compare horoscopes from different authors? I found one once that told me I was going to meet many new friends, and the other told me I would be alone to contemplate my life.

      So, I did both - I went to the train station and contemplated my life of making new friends - after each train left I was alone, but when a new train was expected I was surrounded by new people.

      I stopped reading horoscopes after that day! LOL!!!:)

    • trish1048 profile image

      trish1048 9 years ago


      A great hub!  You made me laugh :)

      My mom also was a lover of the horoscope, which I apparently inherited.  I remember growing up, while at my grandmother's house, her, my mom and aunt would get out this deck of cards (I'm thinking NOT tarot), but, whatever they were, it told your fortune.  It fascinated me, and I inherited the game after my mom passed.  Haven't done anything with it though LOL,

      I do read my horoscope occasionally, and quite honestly, this past week, it was 'right on' about my daily workday.  That kinda spooked me!

      So I'm not sure if I buy into it or not, but I still find it entertaining.  I also find that I have many of the qualities of my sign, Libra.  So, I guess there's some credence to what is being written about the planets, etc., and how it affects you.

      Thanks for a fun hub!