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Another Reason We Need Gay Marriage – The Anniversagay

Updated on September 3, 2008

Recently two male/male couple friends of mine were joined in holy matrimony in Los Angeles. They're what I lovingly call my LA Gays. Although both couples opted for a courthouse wedding for now and will do the whole reception-get-us-a-spode-Christmas-china-gravy-boat at a later date, the point is that they are now married, they have a date to which they can look back and say, "This is our anniversary." On the other hand, my guy and I celebrated 20 years of togetherness this past weekend and although we're pretty sure that we have the date right, we really can't be sure. Another reason we need gay marriage - the anniversagay - Don't Get Me Started!

If you want to know all the details about our first date we can give them to you (and amazingly enough we both have the same recollections - not always the case) however we really can't remember the exact date. It was either August 30th or the 31st and we celebrate our first date because precisely what I'm talking about, we don't really have any other date to go by as we don't have an engagement/wedding or any other date but the first date. And I think (still not sure) that's a problem.

I'm not saying that we were in love on our first date (although I think that it's quite possible we were in love on our first date because we were friends for months prior to the start of our dating) but the fact remains that I wouldn't know what other date to use. I didn't keep a journal with copious entries about the first time we held hands, the first time we kissed or the first time that we "did the deed" (as we used to say back in the day) so what date should I use? And would anyone really want to use the date they first had carnal knowledge of their partner as their anniversary date? I mean, what do you get for that by year 20? And does that anniversary have things like the straightees have for their wedding anniversaries? You know, like paper for year one and by year 20 you're up to the traditional gift of China or the modern gift, which is platinum?* What are the carnal knowledge anniversary gifts? Year one is lube and by year twenty it's a platinum cock ring?

So you see, although many people out there consider us gays subhuman or something akin to monkeys when it comes to mating, we gays need a date to celebrate too. So for those of you who don't want to save our souls from the eternal damnation of hell and don't want to retell us the story of Sodom and Gomorrah over and over again please help me (and then I'll tell all of the other gays, because you know we all know one another) what date should we be using, huh?

I know I should be smart enough to figure this out on my own but we can all see how well I've done with the whole thing thus far. I used the first date and now I can't remember the date that the first date was on so let's face it, I don't think that's the way to go but at this point it's all I've got so that's what I'm sticking to because it's all I know and I always say, "Do what you know."

In talking to a straight guy friend of mine, he says that we should use the date when we started "getting serious" but who the hell can pin point that one? And do you think that's something you remember? Can you really pinpoint the day you realized you were "serious" about this person? I mean, I try my best to NOT be serious as often as possible so it's unlikely I would be able to use my own personal serious meter for this one.

Any way you slice it, if you're like me, you just don't know what date to use and while I refuse to be pressured into creating my life on some antiquated rules that were let's face it, not created for us gays - yes I'm talking "marriage" here. (Sorry boys and gals, I still don't think we need the wedding with matching tuxes - I'm more for something that is more "us" although I don't know what that is - as I've said before, all I'm looking for is the tax break and a way to get into the hospital room if God forbid, anything should happen). The point is that maybe one of you out there have a better idea for the anniversary date. So help a gay out, will ya? Cause at this point it seems to me that we gays have no choice but to get married, if only to get an anniversary date (and the Spode gravy boat). Another reason we need gay marriage - the anniversagay - Don't Get Me Started!

*Allow me for a moment to go off on a tangent about the whole "traditional" and "modern" gifts thing. I don't know how many people actually give "traditional" gifts anymore but isn't that the point? So why do we need the "modern" gifts? If you're traditional enough to give gifts according to the traditional gift giving guide then you should be giving just that so why in God's name (or anyone's else) do we need a "traditional" and now a "modern" gift? I don't get that either.

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    • qlcoach profile image

      Gary Eby 9 years ago from Cave Junction, Oregon

      There is much that is wrong with America and much that it is right. One thing is for certain, it is long overdue to change the things which cause institutional discrimination, racism, prejudice and bias. Thank you for sharing this excellent hub. Please see how I try to help others make changes in new ways too. Sincerely: Gary Eby, author and therapist.

    • Stacie Naczelnik profile image

      Stacie Naczelnik 9 years ago from Seattle

      I like your "first date" anniversary. If not knowing the exact date bothers you, just pick one and make it the day to celebrate. If that doesn't settle for you, do you remember when you moved in together? Moving in together could be a move similar to marriage, and celebrated. My husband and I didn't move in together when we got married, but we aren't exactly traditional: we knew each other three months before eloping in Reno.