ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Britney Spears Lookin' A Mess

Updated on April 21, 2011

Lookin' Good - If Your Broke

Good gravy. Woke up yesterday listening to my favorite radio in the a.m., "Chio in the Morning" on 96.5 Wired, a Philly station. They were blasting Britney Spears' performance on the MTV, VMA awards Sunday night. I gotta see this. Can't pull up anything video at work so I have to wait until I get home. Get home and I trundle on over to Darn, taken down for infringement rights, blah, blah, blah. So I truck on over to Can't find squat. I think about going over to but I figure I will be wading through all kinds of celebrity crap. So I just decide to surf her name and see what I can see.

I finally find it on a newsfeed and there she was, lookin' a mess. Wig all crooked. Fat, bloated. Back thighs covered in cellulite. Clumping around stage. And she looked just like what she is - a tired mommy of two kids. Honey, the minute you dropped that first kid? You were on the way out as America's lovable hottie. Okay, earlier on you wanted to change your image from America's innocent hottie that could make the hearts of every red blooded American male over the age of 12's heart beat faster (and a few pedophiles I suspect) in to America's not so innocent hottie. That worked. But now you have pumped out two crumb-snatchers and you have become everything no man wants anything to do with - a mommy.

One look at your fat ass, sagging boobs (actually they look bolted to your chest), thick waistline and bored, half-hearted attempts to look sexy and all you remind men of is their own fat assed, sagging boobed, flabby stomached bored wives who have some snot-nosed brat hanging on each boob. Women admired you because you were young and hot and they could imagine they were you and could look hot, too. Who wants to watch on TV or pay to see some fat, tired mommy? Nobody!!! Not even a fat, tired mommy.

Ditch the kids over to Kev. Go to rehab. Hire somebody to drag your fat a$$ outta bed and whip it into shape. Get some lipo for Christ' Sakes (you got the money). Do an Oprah and *hire* people to come into your house and to drag that big butt of yours out of bed and pull you down the stairs while the back of your head goes bump, bump, bump to your fabulous in-home, custom-built gym and throw your body over a stairmaster.

You are reverting to your roots (and it ain't good) and what you were destined to be (except you had talent)- a fat, pimply-assed redneck living in a trailer with a bunch of squalling kids. You are getting grandma's hips. Do something and do something now while you still have something to work with. You don't look half bad for a woman who's had a couple of kids - if you were broke. But you're lookin' a mess for someone with the money and resources to look hot and set the hearts trippin' of every red-blooded American male (and a few females) over the age of 12! Now get crackin'!

A Fan's Response To My Blog, "Britney Spears Lookin' A Mess"

Leave Cris Alone! (Sob)


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Bobby Robespeare profile image

      Bobby Robespeare 9 years ago

      Not every man agrees that the Britney we saw on the 2007 VMAs was an unappealing figure of her former svelt self. Bearing two children can have its salutary effects on a woman's body. And Britney, at 25 then, made me lick my chops over her new voluptuousness. The transition from girl to woman was complete -- appearance-wise. There's a really flattering comment men make when they speak of a gal's body as being "built for comfort". In these experienced eyes, I saw a tastier Britney who would make a marvelously compfy and yummy afternoon ride.