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Cuckoo For Caucuses

Updated on January 21, 2008

Cuckoo For Caucuses - Don't Get Me Started!

<knock, knock, knock> I awoke from my semi-slumber on the couch with the movie "My Favorite Wife" half over on the DVD I was watching. I stumbled to the door with my hair all kinds of fucked up, sweats that had cat hair on them and a shirt that read, "Everyone loves a Jewish boy." I got to the door and opened it. There stood an older woman and a guy in his early twenties. The woman spoke, "Scott?" When I responded that I was indeed Scott they immediately went into their pitch for Hillary, why I needed to be at the upcoming caucus and wanting to know if I voted today who I'd be casting my vote for, for president. It was all too much for my current state but it was only the start of how crazy things would get here in Las Vegas for the upcoming presidential caucuses. Cuckoo for caucuses - Don't Get Me Started!

There are certain times when I revel in my being an idiot. I don't know what a caucus is exactly but I know the first time I heard the word recently, all that I could think of was the line from the song, "Adelaide's Lament" from the musical, Guys and Dolls - "You can spray her wherever you figure the streptococci lurk. You can give her a shot for whatever she's got but it just won't work." I know it's a stretch but that's just how my mind works - "caucus" "streptococci" - all the same to me. But as it became closer to caucus time, I began to learn more about it. I sort of get that it's an opportunity for people from one political camp or candidate to get you in a comfortable setting and try to convince you they're they ones for the job. (Yet another thing that I'm sure is costing our country billions while people are losing their homes and have no health care - another blog for another day.)

But there's a real part of me that was put off by the whole coming to my door, knowing my name and trying to strong arm me into going to a meeting. It was too, I don't know Mormon or Jehovah's Witness to me to be coming to my door. I don't like it when other people push their views (especially religious or politically) on me and I certainly don't want it on my stoop. And honestly, just what could I bring to a meeting like that? Cookies? (Because I'm a Jew and you never go anywhere empty handed) Okay I'm kidding, I mean what would I tell the candidates that wouldn't get me arrested? They seem to want to know very little about me. They don't mind knowing us gays but they don't want us to have any rights. Yeah, I'm sure they want to get me, the loudest of mouths in that room. I can hear myself now. "Excuse me but who does your hair? Are they gay? And do you think it's a good idea to make them live like a second class citizen because of who they sleep with?" No, they don't want me there getting all riled up or worse, speaking my mind.

From what I've been hearing, the caucuses mean basically nothing as they are just a way for the Republican and Democratic parties to see where they stand so that if they need to start talking to more one eyed, Irish, black people they'll know that's what they need to do in order to get elected. It really doesn't educate or help us voters (whose votes won't count anyway unless we're part of the Electoral College - and by the way, does anyone know how I get to be a part of that cause I think I would so be voted the entertainment office of the fraternity that is the Electoral College).

I don't mean to sound negative, I'm sure it's a good thing that they have their caucuses but at the end of it all, I'm not Christian or straight enough for these candidates to really care about taking care of me. I'm sure they'll say they care in their politico-double-talk but no matter who gets elected, let's face it, if they could deport me, they would.

So as the news was filled with caucus news and everyone and their political dog came to Las Vegas I have to wonder if I missed being a real part of history or just ten minutes of a really good old movie I've seen a thousand and one times. Cuckoo for caucuses - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • Guru-C profile image

      Cory Zacharia 10 years ago


    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 10 years ago from Las Vegas

      Whatever you do, don't go by me...I'm not sure if I've told you about caucuses or how to make a pineapple upside down cake! :)

    • Guru-C profile image

      Cory Zacharia 10 years ago

      Dear Scott: This is the closest I've gotten to understanding what the caucuses are. I've been trying to explain them to my Venezuelan husband and so far, I've had them all mixed up with primaries. You're the best! xoxoxo Cory