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Damn You Post Office And The Increase You Rode In On

Updated on May 15, 2007

Damn You Post Office, I Just Bought Super Hero Stamps! - Don't Get Me Started!

I get it okay, I get it that everything eventually goes up in price. I remember when my grandmother (Mom's mom) lived with us and she would go to the grocery store. It seemed all she ever wanted to discuss when she got home was how much the price of cabbage or cucumbers (no, it wasn't always about "c" words) had gone up in price and how outraged she was about the situation. At the time, I was like, "What's the big deal?" You see, that was way before I learned about rage, disgust, indignation, shock and appall. (Yes, it was a simpler time for me.) So I was not surprised by the recent postal rate increase however, I can not even begin to believe all the new rules that are going along with the rate hike. Damn you post office, I just bought super hero stamps! - Don't Get Me Started!

At first I just assumed that it was another increase so I got over it rather quickly and simply but then my mother went to mail some of our MikWright cards (if you don't know about these AND haven't bought them by now you must have been sick or in Europe...but here you them immediately... ) Apparently part of the whole new system is that it costs more to send something if it doesn't bend in half. This is something I don't get at all. So now you're going to tell us that it's going to cost extra if we don't want our mail mutilated? If our mail can't be flexible and qualify to join the cast of a Cirque de Soleil show so we should all suffer and pay more? Look, I know these are tough times but guess what post office, you're going to think yourself right out of existence here with these kinds of ideas...who do you have working for you? The schmuck who invented New Coke?

Almost immediately I emailed my pal at MikWright to let him know about all this earth shattering news regarding the postage situation. His response was that of course he knew all about it and here's how it explained it... The formula for the new postage rates equals something like e=mc2. If a letter ... first ounce .41 plus .17 for each ounce up to 3.3 ounces. anything over that is .80 first ounce plus the .17 per. if a "letter" is bigger than 6 1/8 inches x 11 then it is auto .80+ because it's considered a "flat" piece. Well guess what? I was never good at word problems. I don't know what time the bus from Albany will get to Newark if it's traveling at a speed of 40 miles per hour, has fourteen overweight people, two models and dog and the driver is an ex-convict and the carpool lane is out of the question. No, now I'm more confused than I ever was about the entire situation. And I don't know about you but no matter what else happens to me in life I don't want to be considered a flat piece. Anything but that, right? (Quickly, everyone, you have permission to clutch your pearls!)

Does the post office/government not get it that we are some of the least educated people in the world due to the lack of funding for education in the USA? I blame them for the lack of education I got in public schools that makes it impossible for me to figure this whole thing out. Shouldn't they be trying to make it easier to understand? You know like computers, DVD players, Tivo and fast food worker training? "Click on the stamp to mail" that's about what I can handle at this point in my life. I don't know; the whole thing is causing undo stress on me so I may have to talk to a lawyer about the situation. (Okay just kidding but you know it had been about three paragraphs where I hadn't said anything stereotypically Jewish and I have to get my quota in or risk being thrown out)

And perhaps I've just hit on would seem to me that right after the post office finally got a decent Hanukkah stamp, a Hattie McDaniel (Mammy from Gone With The Wind) stamp, Judy Garland stamp and Ella Fitzgerald stamp that suddenly these stamps simply weren't "good enough" for the post office. Hmmm...well, that just about covers my life - getting rid of the Jews, blacks and gay icons on stamps. And what about that new Jamestown triangle stamp? (No boys, not a lick of pink on it, not one of the triangles that Hitler put on us and now we put on ourselves.) Am I wrong that Jamestown was the start of the stealing land from the Native Americans to form a more, well, you know, as whitey, white, white folk would say, "a more perfect union?"

The point is while all life around me is getting more and more complicated, I want mailing to be a simple experience dammit. I want to be able to mail my cards with me in drag at seven years old without having to wonder if I can still bend (I spent years as a dancer and yes, can still do a split - okay, it's only on the left side but it made me more attractive, didn't it?). I'm one of those people who still mails cards and letters so why not cater to me and those like me and just stop, wait a minute Mr. Postman. (You didn't really think I'd get through the blog without a musical reference, did you?)

Oh I'll go along with it and somehow figure out the whole equation that has become the "mailing experience" but it doesn't mean I won't be bitter about it. It doesn't mean that I won't curse the person who brought this upon me and well, oh, just damn you post office, I just bought super hero stamps! - Don't Get Me Started!

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      bob_shiltz 8 years ago

      Just because you aren't good at word problems doesn't mean most public high school graduates aren't either. If you can't figure out how to mail a letter on your own, go to the local post office and have them do it for you. You'll still pay the same amount of postage, but you'll sacrifice your time for the "ease" of having somebody else solve the word problem.

    • Sunnybeach7 profile image

      Sunnybeach7 10 years ago

      What?! I didn't know about all these new special "rules". Resorting to only email looks better every day.

    • Guru-C profile image

      Cory Zacharia 10 years ago

      Phillatelically f'klempt!

      I laugh so much :-)