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Discipline your child without shouting or spanking

Updated on November 19, 2008

Is parenting

  • a pleasure or pain?

  • an art or science?
  • creative or passive activity?

There is no joy comparable to parenthood! There is on greater joy than having loving,independant,free-thinking,well adjusted,and self-disciplined children.

here are some techniques to discipline be prepared to be complimented on the excellent upbringing of your children.

Conducive atmosphere at home

1.Basic needs of the child should be met

The environmental factors at home should be such that they promote proper physical and mental growth of the child.This includes food,clothing,shelter,rest and relaxation.should be protected against debilitating diseases and physical injuries.

2.Child's home should be a happy place

3.children need space

to play,work,create and enjoy.

4.Children need time for free play.

5.Parents are role models

6.Proper selection of play things

In this age of video games,computersand electronic toys,what happened to good old board games like monopoly,scrabble,chess,chinese checkers,building blocks,modelling kits ,puzzles and so on.

7.Be impartial to all the children

8.Exposure to a wider environment

joint or extended family set-up provides an excellent environment for bringing up children.

9.Play with your child

10.Find something to praise

11.Establish an atmosphere of trust

12.Give them relevant information and advice for their age as needed

13.Children need privacy

14.Turn negative beliefs into positive ones

15Help them choose peer groups carefully

16.Look out for major personality changes

What not to do

  • Laughing at inappropriate behaviour
  • subjecting to solitary confinement
  • Too many taskmasters
  • Insulting a child before his/her peers
  • Excessive dependance on hired help
  • Threats that are not backed up
  • Labelling a chid as 'problem' or'lazy' etc
  • starvation technique
  • Inconsistency in behaviour
  • Instant gratification of all demands
  • Using sarcasm
  • Goading with guilt or fear
  • Continuous nagging
  • Difference in opinion in front of child


Avoiding conflicts



  1. Ignoring temper tantrums
  2. Using distractions
  3. Using imagination
  4. Substitution
  5. Animating objects
  6. Ignoring small mistakes
  7. Pretence playacting
  8. Use humour to diffuse the situation
  9. hold the child in your hands


Effective dealing with the child

Improving communication with the child

  • Patience pays
  • Have a heart to heart talk
  • Give reasons for restrictions
  • Use a firm tone
  • Give specific commands
  • talk in a calm manner
  • Listen to the child
  • Family meetings help

Telling the child the outcome of his behaviour

  1. Immediate reward reinforces good behaviour
  2. Immediate reprimand-the person who first witness inappropriate behaviour should deal with it. iIf we delay the child might think that the parent is weak and ineffective,and unable to function independantly.
  3. Set time limits -It is a good idea to set clear time limits for work,play,enterainment and going out.children feel safe and comfortable when they do things in time.
  4. Making up -A child has to learn to make up for anything that has been lost,damaged,or taken away.She has to learn to make amends for impolite,rude or careless behaviour.she should know the consequences of her actions.
  5. Take away a privilege -When children repeatedly conduct themselves in an undesirable manner, some previleges can be taken away.Do not relent until he shows adequate improvement.
  6. Giving time out -If a child is behaving in an exceptionally destructive or aggressive way,like hitting asibling or a parent,shouting,screaming or whining,he should be asked to sit in a corner without taking part in any conversation,games or activity.The child must realise his mistake.
  7. Confiscate items causing problems -If achild uses an instrument in adestructive manner,the item should be hidden for a day or two.Explain to your child the reason for taking away the article.Explain how it hurts the other person or damages the article.Tell the time for which you will keep it.Be firm.When the child uses the article properly,praise him.
  8. Give options -Sometimes the chid does not go according to the parent's wishes because he just wants to assert his way to avoid conflict is by offering choices.Let the children do their own thinking and decision making.They gain a healthy sense of power and self esteem.
  9. Fair's fair -In this method, the child is given an oppurtunity todecide the consequence of his or her own inappropriate behaviour.The children accepts responsibility for his behaviour.He is given time to think about his actions and then decide the punishment on his own and rectify the damage done.
  10. Delayed reward of greater attractiveness -Promise of greater rewards can be used effectively with adolescents.
  11. Write a contract -Written word carries authority.It is always easier to remember things if all the points are written down.Choose a habit which causes you maximum anxiety or leads to maximum conflict with the child:

- write down in clear terms what you want the child to do.

- who will check this habit?

- time and date from which the contract will be effective

- go over the terms with the child ,and make him understand those fully

- reward for appropriate behaviour.

- negative consequences, if the child does not show the desired improvement.

- changes can be made by discussion and mutual consent

12.Good conduct chart - This is an easy and enjoyable way to help the child.Prepare a chart on a drawing sheet. The left hand column carries the desired objectives of the target behaviour pattern. Next to it are seven little columns for every day of the week.This chart can be hung in the child's room,door,or wall.If the child accomplishes a task, a golden star is made on the chart.After a week, the total number of gold stars are counted. Sit with the child and decide about the fair rewards for good behaviuor.Establish clear cut incentives with the child.

No of gold stars Incentives obtained

25- 30 Buying a favourite book,cassette,fancy pencil box,etc.

30- 35 Going to watch achildren's movie,beach,amusement park,

bowling alley or family picnic.

Scores below 25 do not count.As the child's behaviour improves, afresh list of goods can be chosen.

The child will try to better his score all the time but do not expect miracles.It takes time .Later, the target behaviour becomes part of normal behaviour.Later ,wean the child away from this.


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