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First The Golden Globes Now Talk Of The Oscars Being Cancelled. Will We Really Miss Anything?

Updated on January 23, 2008

I used to be an avid award show watcher. I loved to see the glitz, glamour and dream of a day when I might walk down the red carpet myself and eventually pick up some award for some ground breaking work I did in something. I'm sure this dream is not uncommon for a lot of us. But as the years have passed and I've watched as just about anyone who's done almost nothing can walk the carpet, the color red has seemed to shifted to a brick red color (you know, the color I never colored with in my 64 pack of Crayola's with the sharpener built into the back. So I have to ask, "First the Golden Globes now talk of the Oscars being cancelled. Will we really miss anything?" - Don't Get Me Started!

One thing that we all have to admit is that no matter how much they try to pitch it to us, the glamour of Hollywood has long since faded like a klieg light with a dead bulb. Sure you have designers begging to design for the top stars and everyone has a team of people working on them but at the end of it all, if you think that watching Kelly Rippa and her hanger on soapy husband walk down a red carpet is as exciting as say Vivian Leigh and Lawrence Olivier then you need your head examined. I'm not saying that there are not some great actors out there today but once the Hollywood system died it took some casualties, the award shows were one of them.

True, when the Oscars began it was all pretty much a publicity stunt anyway. The heads of the studios did the nominating and then amongst them decided who was getting the award. (From all accounts, apparently done strictly like a business proposition sort of like draft picks with the NBA.) I can hear Mr. Mayer saying to Jack Warner, "Okay Bette Davis can have the award but I want her for a picture so we'll give her the award and you'll loan her, yes?" And yet, the good news was that we didn't have to listen to horrible scripted presenter speeches nor did we have to watch the costume nominees be choreographed by Debbie Allen.

Ironic, isn't it that what makes the show worse nowadays (besides the aforementioned lack of glitz, glamour and true Hollywoodism) is the God awful writing? That's right. The ones who write those horrible things for the host or the presenters to say like, "Hey Denzel, did you see all these fabulous people on the red carpet tonight?" "Yes, Meryl. It was like looking at the drive in line at the Hollywood Starbucks!" <cue canned laughter and smattering of courtesy applause from audience> That's right, the writers (whom I feel certainly deserve the benefits they're fighting for of being compensated for their work now that it's playing in new mediums such as online, etc.) are responsible for the worst part of the show and are the reason these shows are being cancelled. It may not be like a black fly in your chardonnay but it's ironic to me nonetheless.

I don't care about the award shows anymore so it's strictly okay with me if they don't end up happening. What would be interesting would be to allow the presenters to not have a bunch of writers coming up with insipid dialogue. They could come out, present the nominees, give the award and let the recipient give a speech with some clips of the movies to jazz things up a bit. This might also make the show a reasonable length and allow for all the awards to be given in one night. I also hate that the producers and directors of these shows are so into their own artistic masturbation that even with fourteen hours on the air they still don't honor half of the people supposedly due to time constraints. (Yeah, time constraints they created)

So as award season sits like a girl at Planned Parenthood waiting to get the results of whether or not their life is going to change, I guess the real thing to be concerned about are the SWAG (Stuff We All Get) bags (the free stuff that celebrities get in gift bags at the awards shows, which now the Republican's are taxing them on). What will the celebrities do without free Iphones, trips to Cancun and sunglasses worth more than many people's houses that were foreclosed on in the last year? What will the hairdressers, makeup people and designers do? What will the "stars" of the moment do? Well, as classic Hollywood has never failed me before, it won't fail me now (and we have a writer to thank for it), "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Don't Get Me Started!

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