ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Five Things That Will Keep You From Joining a Coven

Updated on May 2, 2007

From my own experience, and from comments I've heard various coven leaders make online, there are far more seekers wanting to become members of good covens than there are available spaces in those covens. And by "good covens" I mean: there is a tradition being handed down, as opposed to "I read this book and then I started a coven"; the members actively pursue spiritual and personal growth; there is a great deal of emphasis on adult behavior and personal responsibility; and the coven is not being used primarily as a warehouse for potential sex partners.

Competition can be pretty fierce for membership in such a coven. Want to increase your odds? Never, ever do the following:

1. Send a fawning, badly spelled, or egomaniacal email.

High Priestesses, or whoever checks the coven's email account, can get a lot of requests for information or membership in a week. Plus, the email checker probably has a full-time job, a family, and is very busy with coven activities and responsibilities. Much as they'd like, they simply cannot respond at length to every one. Here are three first emails that will never be taken seriously. Send them, and you won't even be invited to meet with coven representatives to "check each other out":

"I feel called to work with you and your group. I just know the Goddess has sent me to you."

Oh puh-leeze. Get real. This is a first email! You don't even know these people! And besides, this kind of talk makes you sound just too spacey to be taken seriously. You also sound desperate.

"cn I join ur coven?"

As I mentioned in another article, many covens require, as part of the training process, that their members read books - hard, dry, technical books. If you can't even take the time to spell out all the words in your email, it will be assumed that you do not have the mental discipline or reading comprehension to successfully tackle the coven reading list, and your application will be rejected. I don't care how "acceptable" Netspeak is or isn't, this is NOT the time to use it! Also, try to be a little more polite in your wording, especially on the first email.

"I'm a second degree Demon Master, and a member of the Order of the Phoenix, I'm an adept at Mindspeak, and I've been studying Wicca since I was thirteen, and I'm seventeen now, and would like to know what you think you can do for me."

There is so much wrong with this approach I almost don't know where to begin. First of all, no good coven is going to take anyone under the age of eighteen. Period. And most would prefer to wait until you're at least twenty-one. Twenty-five would be better! Also, references to religious or magical orders and magic abilities that only exist in books of fiction are going to guarantee that your email will become the victim of the ever-dreaded delete key. Finally, you are the seeker and the coven (or specific members of one) decides who will and will not join, not the other way around!

2. Always show up to meetings and rituals late.

This sends the message, "the coven, its members, and the work it does is not very high on my list of priorities." Other ways to send this message include showing up drunk or stoned, or making last-minute lame excuses to not show up at all: "My best friend, who is not even Pagan, just got dumped and I need to take her out drinking." Coven leaders tend to frown on this sort of stuff. They also frown on leaving as soon as the ritual is over because "my friends are all getting together and I said I'd party with them."

3. Lie.

I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: A Witch is only as good as his or her word. How will a High Priest or Priestess believe that you will keep your tradition's oaths if you continually break your word to them, to your fellow seekers, to your family? The answer is: they won't. And when the time comes to decide who in the seeker's group will be invited to join, the liar won't even be on the list.

4. Know that your UPG is relevant for everyone, and say so. Often.

UPG stands for "Unsubstantiated (or Unconfirmed) Personal Gnosis." This is when the Divine decides to talk to you directly, either during a guided meditation or an elder in the coven "draws down" a God or Goddess to speak. The key word here is personal. What the Gods say to you is for you. Not your fellow seekers, not your fellow coveners, and not your High Priestess. "The Goddess told me to tell you..." is hubris. Plain and simple.

If past incidents of UPG have you convinced you have a "grand destiny" and therefore everything that comes out of your mouth is DivineSpeak, then by all means share it constantly with the group, because you won't be able to for very long. The lesser beings in the coven who must settle for their own "ordinary destiny" are very unlikely to be enlightened by your pronouncements and will kick you out in a fit of envy.

5. Neglect personal workings that involve soap and hot water.

If you're worried about the planet, there are ways to shower and conserve water at the same time. Cruelty-free, environmentally friendly soap, shampoo, toothpaste and laundry detergent are readily available at any health food store. Buy them. Use them liberally. And if you don't already know this, allow me to be the one to enlighten you: that bottle of patchouli oil you just poured all over yourself in no way covers up the fact that you haven't showered for a week and your clothes have never seen the inside of a washing machine.

Unless everyone in the coven has chronic, untreated nasal allergies, they aren't going to want to sit next to you if you stink. Shallow? Probably! True? Yup!

It doesn't matter how hungry you are for knowledge, or how desperately you want to be a member of the group, the coven is under no obligation to accept you. Let me repeat that: no obligation whatsoever. So it's in your best interests to avoid the above five pitfalls. Trust me.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Valerie Voigt 

      8 years ago

      Wow! What a great article! Probably 9 out of 10 seekers who contact me have one of these problems. May I print it out and put copies of it on the handout table at PantheaCon?

    • profile image

      Patricia 

      10 years ago

      I think that the way you were treated would make anyone want to stay solitary, however, not all covens are so misleading and carnal, if you will. Most true covens are really dedicated not only to the craft but also to themselves and their beliefs.

    • profile image

      Red Moon 

      10 years ago

      Well spoken.

    • Brandy Owens profile image

      Brandy Owens 

      10 years ago from Wherever life takes me

      Very true, very well written. :) Great hub.

    • profile image

      lee Michael maager 

      10 years ago

      I have Jion Atlantean Coven and You Cannot Make me Leave that Coven ,so I'am stying with Covens WorldWide

    • ART WITH ASHES profile image

      ART WITH ASHES 

      10 years ago

      WELL DONE. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR INSIGHT. LET US HOPE THAT THOSE WHO NEED TO READ IT, DO. BRIGHT BLESSINGS.

    • juliapgreen profile imageAUTHOR

      juliapgreen 

      11 years ago

      Thank you! Glad you liked it :)

    • profile image

      Meph 

      11 years ago

      Bravo. (golf claps) Very well done and annoyingly accurate.

      I'd love to ramp up my clairvoyance and send this out to every 'seeker' before they send us an email.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)