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Gay Marriage - How Nice For The California Gays, How Nice For Everyone

Updated on June 6, 2008

Well, for most gays and human beings today saw a victory with the California court's strike down of the gay marriage ban. It's exciting and yet there's a part of me that can't help but me a bit cynical. I hate that I'm feeling a bit like Bette Davis (sans the cigarette) in All About Eve. Gay marriage, how nice for the gays, how nice for everyone - Don't Get Me Started!

Of course I want us gays to get the rights we deserve but as I've stated more than once, I'm a gay who never really thought too much about marriage. Here I've been with the same man for almost twenty years (August anniversary) in a completely monogamous relationship. Can you show me the heterosexual couples (besides my parents) who can say that for themselves? And the sad part is that I never really considered marriage an option because it seemed like some completely ridiculous fantasy for the gays of my generation. Yet despite the fact I'm more committed to this man than most heterosexual couples...oh please don't give us the tax breaks, make us fight daily for health benefits and the right to visit one another in the hospital and then tell us how subhuman we are and unworthy of the sanctimonious matrimony the religious right wave in our faces like the stupid southerners with their Confederate flag. Angry? You bet but it goes beyond angry it goes to my very heart.

Do I know what love is? I do. Do I know what being committed to one person is? I do. Do I take my relationship seriously? I do. Do I feel our love is sacred? I do. Yet in my state and many others I can't say, "I do" legally. I don't know if you haven't been in this position you can understand just how degrading that feels. To be told no when you feel so much possibility and yes in your heart.

Am I glad the California gays won the right (for now) to get married, you bet. Am I moving to California because of it? No. And does the fact that my state says I'm not legal make me feel less for the man I share my life with on a daily basis? No. In a way I feel like Golde in Fiddler on the Roof (yes, it's always an old movie or musical reference - paraphrased to suit my needs) "For twenty years now, I've lived with him, fought with him, starved with him. Twenty years now my bed is his, if that's not love what is? So I love him, I know it's true. Though California gays get to say I do. It doesn't change a thing but even so, if they can say I do it's nice to know." Gay marriage, how nice for the gays, how nice for everyone - Don't Get Me Started!

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Please, sign the Million For Marriage petition below, and be a part of this historic civil rights battle. Gay, straight, married, single...we need everyone who believes in marriage equality to stand up NOW-before it's too late!

Our new goal: 1.1 million signatures.


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      forrest 9 years ago

      gay is wrong says so in the bible do not lie with another man . if you dont like it take it up with GOD.sorry bear your thorn in the flesh like a man...

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      Perry Hoffman 9 years ago

      As a queer and a Jew/Buddhist I have been in a 20 year relationship. It ended amiably. I met the man of my dreams almost three years age and we are VERY much in love and YES I do know what love is. As a Californian, I am also quite pleased and proud! Woohoo. I do get your drift, I just thought you'd like to know that there are others like you. Oh my parents stayed together for 48 years. Death has it's drawbacks! :-) Peace and love!!! Perry