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Gay Spies What The Brits Know That We Americans Don’t

Updated on August 21, 2008

Yesterday I read an article about the fact that the British Secret Service (MI5) was actually doing everything they could to recruit gays into service. I don't know if it'll make James Bond nervous or excited but you have to ask yourself, gay spies what the Brits know that we Americans don't - Don't Get Me Started!

The Brits are so hell bent on getting the gays that they've even enlisted the assistance of gay advocates to "get the word" out that much like the old "B" movie entitled "Mars Needs Women" apparently "MI5 Needs Gays." Now for those of you out there wondering just why a spy organization would want gays in particular there's a very simple answer. You see they seem to know what us gays have known for a long time, gays are really good at "fitting in" and also at not being noticed. I know that seems a bit shocking to some of you, after all aren't all the images we see of gays portraying just the opposite? Feather boas on a parade float with glitter false eye lashes aside I think they've tapped into something a little deeper that tells us more about us gays than we want you to know.

First of all, while times have changed for many gays to be "straight acting" is coveted almost more than having a large penis. There, I've said it. (You'll notice I said "almost") Just look at any online dating site or Craigslist (should you not want to be discovered looking at such things) and you'll see immediately that the gays pride themselves on being "straight acting" and what they want is another "straight actor" for their dating and/or humping pleasure. Because some gays not only aspire to it but have made a career at "passing" for straight (much like light skin African Americans used to "pass" for white back in the day) they have it down better than anyone (I didn't say, "they go down" - which they most likely do, I just said they have "it down" better than anyone). So imagine what an asset having someone who has perfected the art of "passing" as a spy. If those clever gays can play it straight just imagine how they'll do when they have to play a scientist with a limp and only one good eye!?!

Next up, we gays are really good listeners. Just think about our gal pals (commonly and inappropriately known as "fag hags") and how we listen to their problems and make them feel all better. I would think that you would need to be a good listener to be a good spy I mean at some point you will need to remember the codes to the bomb, right?

Finally, unlike Mr. Bond we can't be swayed by a beautiful woman. There's no chance of us making out with a woman while she pulls a knife out of her garter belt. Believe me when I tell you that us gays go in for the tight clinches and we check/pull things out early on to ensure we're not dealing with someone who just bought "shape enhancing" underwear. That's right if you're doing your job right as a gay man, it's not a gun in their pocket, they're just happy to see you!

All in all, I think the Brits (and several other spy agencies across the world who have apparently been collecting gays like some Italian women collect Capodimonte pieces of china) are onto something. As shocking as it may be to the "moral majority" (are they either?) here in the States, we gays are good for more than just doing your wife's hair, throwing throw pillows and making you laugh. And maybe just maybe it's time for the 007 franchise to look at bringing in a new agent...say, Agent 69? He's smart, smartly dressed and always gets his man! Gay spies what the Brits know that we Americans don't - Don't Get Me Started!

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