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Gay Military Linguists Discharged

Updated on May 30, 2007

Gay Military Linguists Discharged! - Don't Get Me Started!

Well honestly, the title of this blog sounds a bit like a gay porn video but today on they have video of a military linguist who was thrown out just because he said that he wanted to serve his country as an openly gay soldier (He's Jewish too but no worries, he's not me, God knows). Apparently since the start of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" the military has lost about sixty of these much needed specialists as well as many more men and women in other areas of the service. The "family values" groups of course say that we would lose a lot more soldiers (you know; the straight "good" kind) who would refuse to serve next to an openly gay comrade if we let the gays be gays. Gay military linguists discharged! - Don't Get Me Started!

Now for some of you, I know you're still back on the word, "linguists" and I must admit it always takes me a second read to get over that word. I don't know, for me there other words that come to mind that involve portions of the word that send my mind reeling in another direction. You know; cunning little words that have to do with giving oral sex to women. On the whole, it just seems like a lesbian word to me, doesn't it to you? It's like I'm one of those people who see words as colors and shapes or what have you. Okay I'm not; I think it's just that I do word association because I was never good with my own language. Well, for those who need clarification, it isn't the act of female oral sex; a linguist is someone who speaks several languages.

You see, the thing is that we gays are good at a lot of things and I'm not sure if it's because we're able to add an "S" into words that don't even have one in the actual word itself ("Vanna, can I buy an "S"?) or what but apparently we're good with a second, third and sometimes fourth language too. We apparently make great linguists. (And linguini if you happen to be dating an Italian!) As for me, all I know is a little Hebrew and that has more to do with "hocking" sounds in the back of your throat than the "S" sound. (Boys, mind - gutter - out) But here's the deal, when the military is in great need of people to translate these languages I don't understand why the need for the service is less important than who is giving the service. (Just ask the supposed straight guys who frequent and believe the posts on Craig'slist, stating "straight" guys are looking for a blow job from a "dude" just to try it out for the first time) Come on kids, let's all grow up, shall we?

At any rate, with this ridiculous war you would think that the right wing would be trying to load the military up with us gays just to get rid of us. You know, get us on their soil so we don't attack their crotches here. Isn't that the big theory about terrorists and doesn't it also apply to the gays cause we're oh so similar? You know, we're attacking the straightees way of life here in the US just like the terrorist attacked on 9/11, taking the lives of innocent people. Damn us gays, with our insidious plans of world domination by trying to "pair up" in marriage like the Wonder Twins from The League of Justice so that we have the same powers as the straight world. ("Shape of a human being, form of an equal citizen, wonder twins activate!") They're stopping our big plans of becoming equal citizens by disallowing us to marry just as effectively as they are winning the war on terror. Isn't it time they just admit it? They need us. Whether it's to translate languages, carry a gun, or do a myriad of other things, they need us. Could this be the same reason men don't ask for directions? They'd have to admit that they can't do it all themselves? (Well ask the "little women" behind the men, who have known for years us gays, I mean guys can't do it on our own. Thus the reason gays have fag hags - sorry, ladies, I mean C.F.C.s (close female confidants) - too!)

With the loss of so many lives and now Cindy Sheehan no longer putting up a fight for the peace effort, who will stand up to the political posse that is our government to try to talk some sense into them? (You know we're in trouble when we have to rely on Ben Affleck and Alec Baldwin.) I know us gays scare people (I think it has some correlation to our love of dressing up and the whole Halloween holiday but I don't have any kind of clinical study to back my findings) but those who know and love us know that there's really nothing to be afraid of at all.

Let me translate it into gay stereotypical references for you. The Wizard of Oz (Think the 1939 movie version, put the book and musical Wicked aside for just a moment). The government is like the Cowardly Lion, clutching their own tail and wondering who pulled it. We gays are of course, Dorothy (the small and meek) who want adventure, to help the people we meet along the way and ultimately just want to go home. The military is the projected image of the Wizard of Oz but much like the Wizard, they have no power and we should pay no attention to the man behind that curtain. If only they could see us this way instead of painting us as one of the witches, wishing our red and white candy cane striped hose was under a house, maybe, just maybe we could defeat the Wicked Witches of the West, East and anywhere else. After all, wasn't it Dorothy who figured out that plain water would destroy the witch? Not the Wizard, not the Lion and certainly not the flying monkeys! Sure it may have been luck but what would have happened if she hadn't been there at all? Gay military linguists discharged! - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      I saw some idiot with a bumper sticker on his car the other day: "Heterosexuals have rights too".

      This was in front of my apartment building. If I see it again, I swear I'm going to take a sharpie to it and write "Yes, all of them".