ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Gay Myth Exposed Locker Rooms Are Not Always Hot

Updated on February 19, 2007

Locker rooms are humid not hot

I was the one who had his gym teacher promise him an "A" if he stayed away all seventh grade year (true story). I would clean up the auditorium three days a week when the rest of my class was running around the track or learning the nuances of tetherball. I loved not having to go to PE (physical education), I would go through the bits of costumes left over in the auditorium and I would perform for myself in what I was sure rehearsal for my future Broadway performances. When I went into high school there was no avoiding gym class but to me it was just a set of different lockers to be thrown into during the day. These lockers were accompanied with the smell of Mennen Speed Stick and sweaty shorts left in lockers unwashed until they could run the track by themselves. (As I write this I'm acutely aware that someone somewhere might find what I just wrote, "hot" but let me assure you it was not hot, well, it was hot like hell is no doubt going to be for me.) So when I joined the gym it took me months just to be able to walk into the locker room. I was sure from gay porn that the locker room was one big macho romp filled with sights and sounds from a mysterious planet I had never been a part of before, a club I could never belong to, so you can imagine my disappointment when I went in there the first time. Another gay myth exposed, locker rooms aren't always hot - Don't Get Me Started!

(

Now I want to go on record as saying that I'm sure if you live in LA or somewhere that people do little else but workout I'm sure that the locker room for a gay man is similar to a great buffet here in Vegas for someone who loves to eat. But here in Vegas, in the gym that I go to that is filled with mostly out of shape people it's like a bad buffet. My gym does have young people but normally I'm there during the senior hour. All the women who have outlived their husbands are on the treadmills while Morty and Albert try unsuccessfully to maintain their bodies from being in the army fifty years ago. God love them for staying active but when I went into the locker room recently I was so disgusted that I think I may have a new emotional scar to keep me out of locker rooms for at least a little while.

I walk in and there is a man probably in his late sixties who is shorter than me, weighing in over 200 pounds and he's naked just walking around as if there's nothing wrong with just strutting around naked in a semi-public place. As I'm trying to not have this image burned into my retinas, here comes another one but he's hocking, coughing and eventually spits in a sink. Where were these people raised and didn't it include a towel? It was apparently disgusting old man day in the gym and no one had warned me. There were no Chippendale dancers soaping themselves up like all the porn movies promise. No there were just some out of shape men who obviously didn't care anymore about how they looked or who saw how they looked. The smell of bleach was so strong it stung my eyes (although the smell of too much cheap cologne being put on didn't help either).

Now I'm glad that there are people out there without body image problems and I guess good for them for being carefree enough to just let it all hang out but please remember that you're not the only one in the world, you're not in a nudist colony and there's a reason they are called, "personal habits" because some things no one else needs to see.

I would never even venture into the showers at the gym because being raised Jewish, you know that germs are like anti-Semitics, they're everywhere. There has got to be so much bacteria in a gym locker room that I'm sure if you got Dateline or 20/20 to go in with a black light you'd never go in again. This is also why I never take a blanket or pillow in a plane and the minute I get to a hotel room that comforter is coming off the bed immediately. Lest you think I'm a germaphobic I'm not but some things are, let's face it, just gross.

But my point is that while all of the straight and gay world would have everyone believing that locker rooms are the hottest places on earth, I'm here to tell you that my experience is that they are anything but hot. Humid, yes but hot, no. I know, I know some of my pals and gay members everywhere are outraged by these comments. They want the legend that is the locker room to live on forever and who knows, maybe locker rooms are like they are in the movies somewhere. I have plenty of friends who claim to have had sex in every place in the world and the locker room is one that comes up time and time again. So good for all of you, I guess. I just think that I have way to much emotional baggage when it comes to locker rooms so they'll never be the fantasy that they are for other people. I can't even imagine fantasizing about a locker room without a guest appearance by five foot sweaty Morty at over 200 pounds hocking a lugee in the sink. As far as I'm concerned it's just another gay myth exposed, locker rooms aren't always hot - Don't Get Me Started!



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      haha 7 years ago

      lol yea sorry you're a drama rooms are a sexy place..and yea in my gym there is this old guy who is always naked but whatever just don't look at him if you're not into it...btw my high school locker room was completely smelled so bad and i only went in there once when i had to use the was old and disgusting...the one in my gym is nice and sexy

    • brimancandy profile image

      Brian 8 years ago from Northern Michigan

      Oh my god you are such a drama queen! I have read three of your posts now, and I find all of them amusing. However, your rants are a bit nelly. I picture you standing outside the locker room door spraying everyone with fabreeze and handing out pamphlets on what's naughty.

      You may find this surprising, but I have been to plenty of gym locker rooms, and almost every time I have been in one

      someone was cruising me. This happened to me more in straight gym lockers than gay ones. not in highschool, because I hated PE, and rarely attended. But, my athletic club was very cruisy. Usually 40 something married guys

      only male on male outlet. very few older men.

      You certainly have your catch phrase down!

      Don't get me started! LOL!

      mean no harm. Your hubs are very entertaining.