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Groomer Has It

Updated on May 27, 2008

Okay, so I was more than a little delighted when American Idol, America's Next Top Model and the rest of my crappy-shouldn't-really-be-watching shows had come to an end. No more did I have to be faced with a Tivo full of shows to be watched each week. Whew. Well, unfortunately I didn't count on Animal Planet's "Groomer Has It" - Dear God, just when I think I'm out they pull me back in! Argh!! I didn't want to really watch it, I didn't want to like it (after all, I don't even have a dog) but alas I'm in. Groomer Has It - Don't Get Me Started!

Hosted by Jai (one of the Queer Eye For The Straight Guy guys) in more argyle than the law allows the show follows the classic format of all the cooking and reality competition shows we've all seen. As Jai makes horrible dog puns throughout out the show the groomers are seen "in the doghouse" where they live and then they come out to do their challenges. The final prize is $50,000 which is not really that much when you consider these people had to give up their lives to be on the show. But I guess being told that they are "best in show" is a prize in of itself. Who the hell knows? And listening to Jai tell the losers to go back with their tails between their legs just pushed me over the edge.

Now, I have had little experience with dogs, we had one when we were little. His name was Apollo Skylab (yes, my brother was heavily into the space program) Apollo was a cockapoo so he had this curly fur that was all black. The first time we took him to the groomer and went to pick him we were sure (and I still think this could be the case) that they gave us the wrong dog. I don't know if it was that the grooming scared him so much or what but what we got back was a completely sheared dog that was gray. Oh, and had a red bow on each ear. The dog was completely unrecognizable. We didn't love Apollo any less but he certainly wasn't our little black cutie we once had. Once my father saw the bill for the grooming, he decided that he would do it himself. You see, he was born and raised on a farm so to him it was not a big deal. Unfortunately, such was not the case for Apollo. He would hate it and as the clippers sounded he would look at us begging us to save him from the fate that was my dad grooming him. I don't think any of us heard any obscenities quite as much as when my father was grooming Apollo.

But back to the show. I had no idea what a bunch of freaky deaky people groomers are but let me tell you something, apparently they are. I watched the show, "Blow Out" on Bravo about the Beverly Hills salon, I watched the show, "Shear Genius" the hair stylist competition show on Bravo and let me just say that how Bravo didn't snatch this show up is beyond me. It has the same format, it has a host from Bravo and God knows it's gay enough.

I guess it's no better or worse than some other competition shows but come on, I just finished with so many of them. Why oh why, did this show come across my path? I curse you Animal Planet. I curse you reality competition shows. I curse you bad reality show writers of the puny kind. And yes, I'll be back next week - Groomer Has It - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • Chef Jeff profile image

      Chef Jeff 9 years ago from Universe, Milky Way, Outer Arm, Sol, Earth, Western Hemisphere, North America, Illinois, Chicago.

      OK, just another show to lure me away from my real purpose in life as Stewie Griffin all grown up! Victory shall be mine!

    • Stacie Naczelnik profile image

      Stacie Naczelnik 9 years ago from Seattle glad I don't have cable because these shows draw me in too.