ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Hand Sanitizer The New Harvey Wallbanger?

Updated on July 24, 2007

Hand Sanitizer Martini Anyone? - Don't Get Me Started!

Okay, so a newsletter I write for (Sierra Gay Mens' Network News & Blog in their August edition is featuring a story about how "kids" are getting drunk on the hand sanitizer (I don't know why but my family has always but "the" in front of everything - the drugs, the show business, the whatever). I was shocked and appalled (yes, both at the same time - it looks like one eyebrow raised, the mouth slightly open and in some cases a clutching of the imaginary pearls around your neck). I mean, I still don't get the whole huffing of spray paint thing and now the kids are replacing Pina Coladas by going for the Purell? What will these crazy kids come up with next? I don't know about you but I did a lot of crazy things in my youth but I was never a glue eater or sniffer (okay maybe an occasional sniff of the model airplane glue but I always had to go to my brother to get it as I never graduated from the Snap-tite model series) and I seriously doubt I would be "drinking" (or chewing thanks to the texture of the stuff) hand sanitizer. Hand sanitizer martini anyone? - Don't Get Me Started!

According to the story, kids are really getting sick on this stuff because the concentration of alcohol is so high that they are getting alcohol poisoning as well as sloppy drunk. And the thing is that the parents are thinking that their kids have concussions or something because who would suspect their kid of being Foster Brooks? No, Johnny must have hit his head on something. Not until they get them to the hospital are they finding out their toddlers are Lindsay Lohaneriffic. The other thing about this new craze is that some of the hand sanitizers have rubbing alcohol in them, which means that besides getting drunk, you're ingesting a poisonous substance. And it isn't just the kids that are drinking the hand sanitizer apparently drunks are finding it's cheaper than ripple or Boone's Farm. I remember the stories of drunks straining rubbing alcohol through a piece of white bread during The Depression. (And for those of you who are just catty bitches out there, NO I was not around for The Depression but I read, thank you very much and although I tend to be overdramatic I would never go so far as to call my "blue" days The Great Depression!)

The main thing about all of this (and the reason for this blog) is to let you know of yet another thing you can't (or um...well, shouldn't) put in your mouth. I'm sure you can all come up with a list on your own (not only of things that you shouldn't put in your mouth but also people, places and things that have actually been in your mouth that you're not all that proud of, yes?) so you don't need my help there.

I've never liked the hand sanitizer craze even in its intended use. Some people are so hooked on it they're worse than the Chap Stick and nose spray addicts. Have you ever been around an H.S.A. (Hand Sanitizer Addict)? I have and I have to say that it isn't pretty. They are constantly pulling (you'll excuse the expression) their little pink bottle out and rubbing it all over their hands like they're a villain in a cartoon that just invented a new way to take over the world or something. Due to all the alcohol their hands are usually all dried out, red and chapped and to me, there's no reason (as long as there's moisturizer in this world) for anyone to be walking around all chapped (disclaimer - unless of course it's a medical condition). Quick check your elbows! Speaking of chapped can someone explain to me why people who have the most dried out and chapped feet in the world feel the need to share them with the world by wearing flip flops or sandals? Surely you must know how bad your feet look so do you think that any of us want to look at them? Time to loofah and Lubriderm - repeat as needed.

But back to the matter at hand (get it?). There are no laws to not sell the hand sanitizer to kids (or drunks) so apparently some are having quite the time of it. However, let's face it; these are people who are acting out in The Great Desperation. I can't imagine with all the tasty drinks out there that people would give up their beloved Dirty Martinis for even the nicest scented hand sanitizers. I mean can you imagine the "Sweet Citrus Screwdriver" (be careful gays that was an awful lot of "S's") or the "Lavender and Chamomile Kamikaze" for those more quiet reflective times. Call me old fashioned but to me, there are some things that just shouldn't be used for other purposes than they were intended. It reminds me of a gal pal of mine who was having a passionate time with herself and out of desperation grabbed a perfume bottle with an ornate top. Long story short, she ended up in the emergency room trying to explain why she had the top to her Chloe up her...well, you get the idea. So kids, take my advice...leave well enough alone. Leave the Chloe bottle on the perfume, things out of your mouth that have no business being there and the hand sanitizer on your hands. Hand sanitizer martini anyone? - Don't Get Me Started!

Read more Scott @


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 10 years ago from Las Vegas

      I know, right?!?

    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 10 years ago

      WTF?!? That's insane! Who thinks of these things!? Just let them drink beer, already, it's a hell of a lot safer!