Having kids is the most wonderful, joyous and rewarding thing in the whole world. I was a 19 year old kid when I found out I was pregnant and at that earth shattering moment thought that my whole life was ending. I had just joined the military, just met a great guy. I mean my whole life was just going and then this bombshell. I of course decided to keep the baby and at three months of pregnancy and 4 months of knowing this great and wonderful man, we got married. No matter how things were going, or seemed to be going, I was scared out of my whits. I didn't know how the heck to be a mom, I didn't know if I could even be a mom, I didn't know anything.
And then...my life completley changed for the better 6 months later. I don't think anything can be said or done to get you ready for an experience like that. It's most definently an earth shattering moment where time really does stop and you thank your lucky stars for this person who is in your arms that you love more than this world, yet have seen for a mere 5 seconds. I don't think I give enough justice to explaining it either. I mean, it still brings tears to me eyes just thinking back to that moment. I was given a beautiful baby boy who gave me a reason to be a better person. The motherly instincts...yeah that pretty much just steps in at automatic mode. At that moment I vowed to do everything in my power to make sure my son had the greatest life I could give him.
Everything was great and brought smiles and laughter to me. The first smile, the first laugh, the first roll, the first time he sat, I mean everything was this mysterious addiction. I couldn't get enough of him. When he was around 18 months I got pregnant again. I absolultey loved being pregnant and this was no different. I was able to really enjoy pregnancy this time witthout feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders...without fear. I hoped this one was a girl, there's nothing like having the older son and younger daughter. Hey, you need someone there to be your daughter's bodygaurd and keep tabs on twenty four seven! Haha.
Before I got pregnant, I didn't really believe in abortion but felt it was the womens choice. Now...I still don't believe in abortion but now, that's just it, I don't believe in abortion. I look at my kids and ask myself what would life be like if I decided to get an abortion? I wouldn't have these 2 beautiful kids to wake up to every morning, I wouldn't have two lives that I am responsible for. Things do drastically change when you have kids but you know what, I wouldn't have it any other way. I left the military shortly after my second child, I wasn't willing to be deployed for six months when my daughter was only eight months old. It's different for a mother than it is for a father. I don't know if I can even scratch the surface of explaining it. To be away from something that came from you...even for a day, it's hard, I can't even imagine for six months. The mothers who do that...they have a strength that I do not have, I wouldn't be able to do it, I can't do it, that is why I have given up my career. I love my kids and would not change a darn thing, Having kids is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me.
It's just god! Time goes by fast, it is going by way too fast and U have absolutly nothing to do about it. My kids are not babies anymore and I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and they will be gone with their own lives.