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Hillary and Barack Just Tell Us If You Love Us Or Hate Us Gays

Updated on March 15, 2007

Hillary And Barack Love Us, Hate Us, Just Tell Us - Don't Get Me Started!

Much like E.F. Hutton apparently, when General Pace talked, everyone listened. What didn't happen right away were statements from the Democrat front runners in the presidential campaign (a campaign that will be going on for the next year and a half at this point, ugh). Instead they decided to do the "political" thing by not really dealing with the statement but with it being expressed publicly. Instead of saying that they agreed or disagreed with Pace (right away anyway, Hillary did come out later against the actual viewpoint expressed by Pace and a spokesman for Obama said later in the day that Obama disagreed with the remarks) they said that they felt he should not have expressed his personal views publicly. Hillary, Barack, love us, hate us, just tell us - Don't Get Me Started!

From the time I was a small child to today I have spent my life trying to get as many people as possible to like me and the one thing that I've learned is that this is like being on a treadmill with no "off" switch. You never get anywhere, you work up a sweat, there's no end in sight and it is exhausting. If your focus is on getting other people to like you have the wrong focus. The cliché is 100% accurate, if you don't like you, you stand less of a chance that any one else is going to like you. I know from personal experience that some people may not "like" you because they don't like what you're wearing, what car you're driving, how you speak, what religious affiliation you have and the list goes on and on. Some people even subscribe to the theory that we all give off auras and scents that either attract or repel certain people to and from us. It's okay not to like everyone just respect people enough to let them know where you stand.

Honestly, I don't mind (well, I mind but what I mean to say is that I'll respect your point of view) if people hate me because I'm Jewish, gay, am with a black man (for over 18 years now) so long as you are honest about it. Honestly, what can I do about it? Can I hand out or go door to door like the Jehovah Witnesses or the Mormons to try and get people to "see the light"? (Are there any hard numbers on how effective this approach is for "converting" people?) Should I invite the "haters" to sit down to a cup of coffee at Starbucks and try to convince them as I caffeine them up? These approaches just feel like taking someone to rehab before they are ready. I can't make you agree with me or like me by forcing you, but I do believe we can expose people to our real stories enough so that as the Christians love to say, "When you're ready to receive it in your heart" (not Jesus but the information) is there for you.

I remember the first time I went to a doctor here in Vegas. I insisted on finding a doctor that was "gay friendly" and although my guy told me I was crazy and that I should look more at qualifications than for the rainbow sticker on the doctor's car, I choose to look to the rainbow. Although the doctor had no bedside manner (he told me that his boyfriend was a lawyer and when I remarked, "Oh my God, the two of you together is like a Jewish mother's wet dream." He just looked confused, he didn't get it. I should have known then that I was in trouble) he was gay; which seemed the only important qualification at the time. As the doctor was going through his usual "get to know the patient" questions, he asked me about my sexual activity. When I explained that I had been in a completely monogamous relationship with the same man for 13 years (at the time) his face contorted. He stammered seemingly not knowing what to say and then finally after a few seconds uttered this now famous line to me, "Oh, um, well...good for you." I still don't know what he meant. Good for me that I was in a monogamous relationship? Good for me that I could find someone? Good for me that I found someone to put up with me for that many years? What? I'll never know what he meant and I don't think even he knew. I think that maybe he was just uncomfortable with someone who was honest and even though he was gay, a long-term relationship and being homosexual just didn't go together in his mind. He had only been in his relationship for a short time and there had been much breaking up, back together, etc. (Can you see how I become everyone's therapist within the first five minutes of meeting them? Gift or curse, I don't know, I'm just pissed I can't charge them for the advice! "That'll be five cents, please.")

My point is that like Hollywood celebrities, it's the exposure that is important. (Except in the case of the panty-less Britney Spears because honestly, who wants to see that? She needed to "hit the cymbals" (put her knees together) as my grandmother would say) My theory is that the more people that see us "normal gays" the more they will realize we have a lot in common because we're all human. Sure, we may know more about them when it comes to putting a sofa or throw pillow in the right place but we still put on our eyelashes like them, one at a time. Seriously, unless you are very impressionable (you know, like the people targeted and easily converted to cults) I think the best way to desensitize a situation is continued exposure (not talking George Michael in a bathroom here).

All I can do is live my life the best way I know how, being as nice to the population at large (I am a constant door holder for strangers) and allow them to feel however they want to feel. I won't try to "butch it up" (because I have been a miserable failure when I tried that approach) and I also won't flit and swish for effect. I'm not saying that everyone should be in a monogamous gay relationship with a black man for a million years and own two cats, that's just who and what I am and what works for me. (And as my doctor would say, "Good for me.") Don't ask me to be less than I am and I won't ask you to be more that you can be when it comes to understanding my choices. But let me know where you stand so that I know whether to avoid you or purposely make you crazy by being in your face. And when someone asks me, I'm going to tell them proudly who I am and what I think. There's a certain honor in being honest. I wish our politicians understood that more than they did their popularity polls. Hillary, Barack, love us, hate us, just tell us - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • livelonger profile image

      Jason Menayan 10 years ago from San Francisco

      I agree with you, although these days, politicians have to tread a very, very fine line on gay issues, because going one way (condoning homophobia) is generally not good, esp for a Democrat, while giving support to gay marriage will sink your political career faster than an intern with great oral skills.

      Regarding Pace: why is a military person expressing his opinion? Seriously. The military is supposed to do what the president & legislature tell them to do. They are not supposed to engage in policy dialogue.