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Holding The Door...Women Trust It, Men Don’t

Updated on June 19, 2008

Long has this blog been in my mind but as anyone who has read my blogs must know, my mind wanders quite a bit so from the time an idea hits me to getting it actually written, posted, etc. is not always a direct path. I wish I could be one of those people who just sit and write the moment that an idea strikes them (no doubt like the people I see sitting in Starbucks with their laptops all day) but hello? I have a life, job, family, man in my life and two cats. Let's face it, I'm as close as you're going to find to gay suburbia. At any rate, here's the deal. I am always the guy who holds the door for other people whether it be a Starbucks or a Borders or anywhere else where you can hold the door for someone else. But what I discovered was that holding the door - women trust it, men don't - Don't Get Me Started!

What I mean by this is that if you're a guy (and yes, I am) when you hold the door for a woman, she may be surprised or delighted but she simply goes through the door. On the other hand, if you hold a door open for a man (and I'm not talking about doing the "handoff" maneuver where you hold the door until the other person has their hand on it to keep it open) if you hold the door and allow the man to walk through it he will most times seemingly instinctively, have to put his hand on the door too. He will not let you hold the door while he walks through the door. He HAS to put his hand on the door. Distrust? I don't know, I'm not a doctor, I just calls ‘em like I see ‘em.

But I defy you to walk around in civilized society and not pay attention to this now and if you're at all like me, it will amaze you as well as annoy you. Watch those women sashay through the open door you hold like they're on America's Next Top Model while you watch the men try to get their hand on the door as quickly as possible as if they're afraid it will shut like a bear trap in the woods on them! And before you say it, let me say it for you - the same is true for gay men as well. Unless of course that gay man headed toward the door has a French manicure above and below, then you may have to hold the door as he reaches into his "man bag" for his lip gloss as he walks through the door you hold.

I'm a door holder from way back. It has been ingrained in me to the point that is an involuntary reflex and in a way I'm very delighted to see that so many (both young and old) still carry on this custom. Lest you think I am nostalgic for everything from the days of yore, I can assure you that I am not. I'm glad we've evolved from let's say, having a different entrance for African Americans and so-called "whites." But in a world where people are on their cell phones at the same time they're talking to you, cut you off in traffic (even though they have the Jesus "fish" on their car) or cut you off from what you're saying interrupting you, in the world of rudeness let's stop for a moment of kindness and hold the door for one another shall we? All the while seeing that women will let you hold it and men won't (yes, implied innuendo intended). Holding the door - women trust it, men don't - Don't Get Me Started!

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      steve jaubert 5 years ago

      To hold or not to hold? I held a door for one particular woman the other day and I thought this must be what it is like to be a stone but that's okay she slipped on her high heels and I resisted the best I could not to laugh and politely didn't offer her a hand. Lol! Steve

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      Paige 7 years ago

      i'm a women and I've always held the door open when anyone is behind me men or women.

      I've never seen any man get upset by it. Though it might be due to by age I'm 17 but look a lot younger.

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      steve jaubert 8 years ago

      I've sometimes held doors for women who became very irritated. Is it because they felt that i was seeing them as sexual objects? What if i didn't hold the door. Would i then not be appreciating them as a person? Maybe the answer then is to have no civility for anyone. But then you're an unfeeling sob. There's too many implications any way you go. Ha! Ha!

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      Clive Fagan 9 years ago from South Africa

      An interesting observation. I often hold a door for a man  but, normally, only if they have a parcel or the hands are occupied, so I would not have noticed the man hand on the door thing!

      Good Hub.