ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel


Updated on August 6, 2008

Tell the truth!

I think that I have to be honest first. I find it hard to forgive before I am honest with myself and someone who may have pissed me off about how I feel, how pissed off and angry I was, how hurt, frustrated, etc. After I get the facts about how I felt out then I can move into forgiveness. Now I’ve heard it said that this can cause even more damage to the situation or relationship. I disagree. Holding onto ill feelings is what does the damage, long and slow like quicksand, day by day, hour by hour.

I will say that if I’m extremely upset to the point where I feel like I’d curse the person, I will work thru the feelings on my own or until I am at an emotional state where I can talk with the person without stepping out of love and peace. To help me do this, I have written letters expressing my anger to someone but not mailing the letter. I’ve written in my journal cursing all the way if I felt like it. I’ve pounded a desktop. I’ve done things like that just to get the way I felt out of my system because I think that’s what the process of forgiving is all about. That said, I don’t think forgiveness gets rid of feelings of hurt, anger, etc.

When I look back over my life and the times I’ve been good and pissed off at someone or about an event, etc., I find that FIRST I had to honestly express how I felt about the person, situation, event. It’s as if I had to honor what I felt before I could move on. THEN the next step was to forgive. When I hadn’t completed the first step, I found it very hard to do the second step.

In forgiving I release emotions that don’t make me feel good (i.e. hurt, sadness, anger). And then I move on. But first I find that I have to honestly express what I feel in the situation. Let go of the fear that it hurts other people to express how you feel about something. You can express how you feel when you’re alone and get as loud as you want. You can stomp the floor and pound a table. It takes nothing away from your relationship with another person. You’re simply expressing, letting emotions flow, how you feel. It hurts no one to do this but I can tell you that it has hurt me when I didn’t do it. And I think we learn as children to stifle our feelings. One way I deal with this as an adult was to allow my own child to express his feelings freely and to begin to do so myself.

I learned a lot of behavior-related beliefs when I was a kid. Some of them I’m still working to shake off. What did you learn about dealing with unwanted emotions as a child that you feel help or don’t help you today?

Denise Hubbing it Up!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)