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Hot Dating Tips: Good News, He's Actually Quite Into You

Updated on September 7, 2008

The New York Times bestseller "He's Just Not That Into You" explained to a generation of women that men who showed no interest in them actually weren't interested in them. Groundbreaking stuff. Unfortunately, even in the face of the incredible power of stating the obvious, the ability of the average human female to deceive herself when she is infatuated with a man is truly amazing.

The good news is that for every man who's not that into you, there are probably several who are actually quite into you, you just don't know it.

Here's how to spot a man who is actually quite into you:

He's Stupid

Well, he's probably not actually stupid, but when a man likes you, he gets nervous. This distracts his mind from its usual logical, coherent flow and tricks him into saying all sorts of things which he would usually filter before they reached his speech center. These things are likely to be insulting, sexist, or just plain stupid. If he says something within the first hour of being around him that makes you want to push him off the nearest tall object, he's probably quite into you.

He's There

We tend to dismiss men who actually bother to show up and talk to us or help us move the fish pond three meters to the left. It's a common sitcom formula, two friends who obviously should be together, but spend their time dating others, inevitably ending up commiserating with one another at the end of each failed date or relationship. Women looking for a suitable mate should reexamine their 'friend zone', that's where you've filed away the men who would actually make pretty decent partners whilst you go chase jerks who sleep with you then never call again.

He's Not That Sexy

A man who is into you will often be much less attractive after he becomes interested in you than he was before his intentions became clear. This happens for several reasons:

The stupid factor, as mentioned above, tends to diminish the attractiveness of the average male.

He becomes too accessible. A great deal of attraction for both sexes is based on wanting what you can't have. Games start being played when men and women pretend that they're not interested when they actually are. Though these games are frowned on by the majority of people who find them confusing and complicated, they are simply ways to emulate the sort of successful behavior that leads to mating, ie nonchalance and disinterest.

Mreow... ebil...

When it comes to dating, both males and females become predators, lurking behind telephones, waiting to pounce on calls, stalking the object of their affection around malls and through the Internet, and setting honey traps in the form of fine dining experiences. It's no fun hunting a sitting duck, and a great deal of people are put off by those who are too receptive to their advances (I'm sure there's a complex psychological reason for this, but I can sum it up easily in this phrase - we're all really stupid.)

In short, successful matches occur when both partners are convinced that the other is probably better than them, and both have had to overcome great odds to be with the other (or at least a few smallish obstacles). If only one partner is under this delusion, then they become 'clingy'. If neither partner is so deceived, then you're 'friends'. If both of you are convinced that the other is the most amazing person in the world, then you're that annoying couple feeding each other strawberries in the restaurant and paying $1.99 a minute on your cell for hours playing the 'No, you hang up' game.

In reality, we're all much of a muchness. Nobody is really all that much better than anyone else, even Vladimir Putin (my secret crush) would probably have some really annoying habits once you got to know him (like compulsively crushing all resistance in a 50 mile radius before breakfast, that would get tiring).


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    • yourwaysingles profile image

      yourwaysingles 8 years ago

      what a depiction of individual psychology towards love . I liked that. Are you a psychologiest ? :-)

    • Earl S. Wynn profile image

      Earl S. Wynn 9 years ago from California

      I liked this hub... alot! It says all the key things the average woman needs to know about men and how they function on average when it comes to relationships, written from a woman's perspective. Very nice!