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How Not To Sleep

Updated on February 13, 2008

(With Apologies to Robert Benchley)

Back in 1935, the short film, "How to Sleep" was produced by MGM, and was written and acted by Robert Benchley; it won the Oscar for Best Short Subject for that year. It being close to Oscar time and me having trouble sleeping has inspired me to write a similar scenario; and I am not letting the fact that I am not a well -known humorist hinder me, nor the fact that I have no photo or video equipment to depict the situation. Now, let us go on to the subject at hand.

There are times in one's life that one does not want to sleep. I very much hope this simple guide will assist you if you are one of those people; however, I can only let you know what works for me personally.

One thing that nearly ALWAYS works for me is worrying. Especially if I happen to have something to worry about to start with. Not having a job, not having enough money, wondering what is going to become of me - these are all worries that help me to not sleep. And if those do not halt my slumber, I can always get out of bed, go to my PC, get online, and read about the 2008 presidential campaign.

Anger is also quite efficient in keeping me awake. Being angry about having a job, not having enough money, wondering what is going to become of me - not only can I worry about those situations, I can become angry, even furious over them. But my anger need not focus on anything specific. Even something as general as the complete and total unfairness of the world in general can engender wrath in me.

But what if you do not feel particularly anxious or enraged, you may ask? There is a quick and natural solution for that - caffeine! Whether it is obtained from drinking cola or other soft drinks that contain caffeine, or from drinking extra-strong, freshly brewed, non-decaf coffee, it is a quick and easy way to stay awake. It also gives the added bonus of making the need to urinate occur more frequently - another way to not be able to sleep!

The above ideas are just a few of the multitudes of methods for keeping the sandman away. I hope that I have inspired you, gentle reader, to come up with your own ideas for how not to sleep. Pleasant wakefulness to you!



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