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I Came, I Saw, I Had Eye Crust

Updated on February 14, 2009

I'm someone who showers every day and that includes the whole washing of the hair, every nook and cranny of my body, shaving (except occasionally on weekends when I go for the scruffy look) so on the whole I'm all about getting it right from the neck up each morning. As I've said before, when I've got extra weight on me (as I do now) I never look below the neck, could be completely gangrene below my neck and would never know it. So imagine my surprise this morning when I finally got to work after stopping to run a few errands and visit my Starbucks to discover as I went to rub my eye that it was loaded with that crusty stuff from God knows where. I came, I saw, I had eye crust - Don't Get Me Started!

Immediately I began retracing my steps. Who had I seen? Who had seen me? And most importantly had anyone noticed the eye crust? I think on the whole we're not all that observant as people so I doubt that anyone really saw it and/or if that they did that they would care however when you're always five minutes away from paranoia, this feeds right in. Did the cashier at Wal-Mart where I picked up sodas and water for the office look at me funny? I can't remember, in fact I can barely remember her. Did the woman who always waits on me at the Starbucks near my office notice? She didn't seem to give off any clues although I have to say on the whole she always looks as if she just rolled out of bed so what in the hell am I doing worrying about that one?

The thing is to me a crusty eye is a dirty eye. It's sort of like when parents let their kids walk around with crusty noses and dirty faces. To me this signifies bad parenting. I know, I know, very judgmental of me but by admitting that I'm judgmental, doesn't that make me a better person because I'm aware that I'm judgmental? Whatever. My point is that you tell me what YOU are thinking when you see a crusty nosed kid with the snot pouring down and dirty snot smeared across their face? I don't care that the mother is six feet away with her Coach purse dangling from her arm with her Prada sunglasses appropriately affixed to her face she's a bad parent in my book. Pull a good old fashion Kleenex (or no name tissue) out of that Coach bag and wipe your kid's face for Chrissakes.

For those of us who weren't born pretty or handsome we have to work mighty hard each day to put on our "game face" to face the world. Years ago in LA when I was trying to break into "the show business" I had a manager tell me that I would make a good "best friend" "kooky neighbor" or "kid dying from a disease" in other words, I was never going to be Scott Baio or Kevin Bacon, I was going to be much more "Duckie Dale" from Pretty In Pink as opposed to "Bugsy Malone." When I was little, going on auditions for commercials and whatnot and didn't get the job (which was a lot) my mother would say, "Ah, ugly is in again. See all those kids with the red hair and freckles? That's what's selling right now. You're too good looking." Yeah, right. But my point is this; that those of us who weren't blessed with a clef chin and looks of a Cary Grant work awfully hard to make ourselves look the best that we possibly can each day when we enter the world so even the smallest glitch can cause us to start rethinking our daily self-esteem. Eye crust is definitely a deal killer. I came, I saw, I had eye crust - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • profile image

      Jon 8 years ago

      Hi Scott. Just thought I would let you know that Kevin Bacon has played plenty of weird characters in his career. He thrives on roles in which he plays creepy molesters. Think Sleepers, The Woodsman, and Hollow Man. He is certainly not a looker, like Orlando Bloom and Brad Pitt.

      I myself have had the eye crust realization - it sucks.

    • Lifesrich profile image

      Lifesrich 8 years ago from Southern California

      I came.. I saw and I read... Now I'm gonna go to bed. Good night Scott... This Hub was so cute... I swear you are following around some of my daughters friends.