I Went Back To The Gym Today
(I can't believe this is my 400th hub - YIKES!)
I simply couldn't take the inactivity anymore (Nor my fattitude). I haven't been to the gym on a regular basis since I started my now not-so-new job (which I started in January 2008). I was always going to but with working late, going in early, there just never seemed to be the time. Or more specifically, the above compiled were what I deemed "good reasons" in my own mind as to why I "couldn't" go to the gym. So as it's the Jewish New Year and the start of a month, what better time to take my ass back to a place that might help it get back its proper ass shape? I went back to the gym today - Don't Get Me Started!
I can't completely remember but I think I did make a feeble attempt to go back to the gym once or twice about, gee, I don't know, two or three months ago? It only lasted one or two days so it's hardly worth mentioning other than to say that I have been in the building since January 2008.
But what I noticed this morning as I walked in was that not only was there not a huge party for me for returning, everything had remained exactly the same. From the half asleep front desk guy with the tattooed neck to the mostly elderly people who always worked out at this time of day. What was perhaps even more shocking was that none of these people looked any different. What I mean to say is that the fatties didn't look any thinner and the thinnies didn't look anymore bulked up than the last time that I saw them. That's right it was like a time warp (of course the most warped thing about me currently is my stomach region).
I don't get it. It frightens me. I mean, if I'm not going to see a difference then I'm in trouble (and so are all the clothes in my closet that have been sneering at me, as well as the pants that cry at night when I take them off, curled at the top, buttons sighing). I want to be like all those fit people you see in the gay magazines. I used to tell myself that they were only the young people but now there are plenty forty and fifty-something year olds who look amazing. You could bounce a quarter off of any part of their body and risk taking your eye out from the sheer force of the momentum. But is it too late for me? I mean, of course I can get more fit than I am now (and good for me) but if it doesn't translate in body parts that I want to pop popping and those I want to lay flat, lay flat then what's the use? I know, I know, that's the exact wrong attitude to have in order to effect change.
One of my pals suggested a trainer. This pal has one of those quarter bounceable bodies and is only a couple years younger than me but let's face it, he's not from Jewish stock and I think his body has been working for years to get that way and stay that way, I'm joining the whole thing so late in the game. Remember that Grandma Moses sold her first art when she was around eighty, it doesn't mean she could bench press 180 pounds. Plus I tried the whole trainer thing once and I guess it's like therapists or designer clothes you have to keep trying them on until you find one that is that perfect fit but the nimrod I had hardly seemed worth the price of admission and that bothered me a lot (insert Jewish stereotype here).
No, I'm going to tough it out and go it on my own. I want to believe that I can look like the Bowflex guys with just thirty minutes a day but let's face it, they're actors who are hired because they all ready have those bodies, they didn't get it from three chin ups and stretching a bungee cord from left to right for five minutes on a machine that can fold up under your bed but in most cases, stays out to dry your wet unmentionable laundry items (never to be used for its intended purpose). I want to believe I can get on something call an "AB Lounger" and while lounging somehow get rock hard abs that would make a child chip a tooth if they ran into my stomach (remember I'm short). And I'm sure that's exactly what the "home fitness" market depends on. Us thinking that it's going to be so very easy to be sculpted so very differently if we just buy their product. But I'm a realist.
And so I will once again make going to the gym a regular part of my three to four times a week weekly routine. Because the only other way to do it is to get a job that requires manual labor and let's face it, the reason we Jews don't do manual labor now is because we put in our time. We built those pyramids with nothing but straw, water and mud and guess what? They're still standing. Mission Accomplished!