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I Was Healed At 24 Hour Fitness

Updated on April 4, 2007

I Was Healed At 24 Hour Fitness - Don't Get Me Started!

When you look around my gym you notice that we're not exactly the location for the pretty people, at least when I'm there (wait, did I just slam myself?) At any rate, when I'm there in the morning, I usually see older folks rather than the hot people one normally sees on Bravo's Workout or sweating in all the right places on Bally's commercials. I admit there's great comfort in sweating to the oldies as opposed to being intimidated at the gym by the boys that threw me into lockers for years. So it's no surprise to me that on the televisions at the gym they usually play Fox news. I don't know something makes me think that only the elderly believe in the crap spin that Fox news puts on everything. (Now immediately, I know I'm wrong about this but just go with me.) Well this morning, alongside the Fox News I looked up while I was ellipticalling myself into a frenzy listening to the movie soundtrack of Dreamgirls to find on the other television a tele-evangelist healing a 13 year old boy. I was healed at 24 Hour Fitness - Don't Get Me Started!

Now I've never been one of those people to be offended at the slights life hands me. After all, when you're short, Jewish, gay and have a six foot black man as your guy if you got offended easily that would be all you would spend your time doing. But I wondered as I was sweating, pumping my legs and arms in unison with the song, Steppin' To The Bad Side, if having healings on at the gym is crossing some sort of line? I really don't even know who I would complain to? The gang at the front desk can barely scan my membership card and I don't want to become known as a troublemaker (because we know that gays and Jews are born troublemakers, right?) but at the same time I was getting pissed that I had to be subjected to faith healings (in closed caption) while trying to get fit. Should I say something to the gym management or should I simply step on over to the bad side (and possibly have my abs healed to be more defined? Something incidentally I would consider if I thought that it would work). Suddenly I was wrestling with becoming my mother (who is always thinking everything and everyone is anti-Semitic) or just letting it be. I chose to not say anything for now but I have every feeling with every fiber of my being that I'm going to have to say something eventually if the healings continue.

I guess more than even having to see it at the gym; frankly I'm offended that these people have television shows at all. Not only do they have shows they make millions and millions of dollars channeling the "Lord" (and I don't mean the chocolate one - see What's not sweet about a chocolate Jesus?) and "healing" people. As they scan the audience you have a bunch of white people in their Sunday best crying, swaying and hoping that there will be some laying on of hands. (I was hoping for some laying on of hands too but that has to do with a fantasy, another area of the gym and well, just not the time or place to get into it here.)

But while I was watching the healings, I was thinking about the thirteen year old boy they had laid out on the floor. I have no idea what was wrong with him (as I wasn't close enough to read the closed captioning) but he was crying and he was all sorts of full of the "spirit" and it made me sad. (How can you be sad and work out? Where were my dolphins or endorphins or whatever the hell they were?) I hoped the boy was not really sick and being deluded by the man in the white suit and gray hair into thinking that prayer alone was going to cure his cancer, lengthen his shorter left leg or even worse, cure his gayness. Sure I believe in the power of positive thinking and its affect on the human body but seeing the three or four people laid out waiting for the healing to happen and especially this young boy, I had to wonder if the man in the white suit with the gray hair had any kind of conscience or was even in good standing with the "Lord" he pretended to represent? The four people laying there were looking like dead bodies, victims of something and the more I thought about it the more I realized that they were indeed victims.

Oh I'll go back to the gym (And I'm Telling You I'm Not stay away that is otherwise I'll end up like Miss Scarlet in Gone With The Wind when Mammy measuring Scarlett's waist says to her, "You done had a baby Miss Scarlet and you ain't never gonna be an 18 and ½ again") and if Mr. Healer is on again I'll have to make some decisions but for now I'll just wonder what was wrong with that boy, if he was healed and whether or not I was healed at 24 Hour Fitness - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • RooBee profile image

      RooBee 8 years ago from Here

      This was awesome! I may read it again to absorb some more of your wit, which I've developed a fast taste for. Definitely fanning you here and going to check out your site. So far, I do like it Scott. hehehehe

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 9 years ago from Las Vegas

      Thanks - and AMEN!

    • profile image

      Fitness Black Book 9 years ago

      This is quite possibly the most entertaining fitness article I have ever read (I read hundreds of articles per week researching for my site). Thanks for adding some "flavor" to the world of fitness. Outstanding page.

      "Can I Get A Witnesss?",