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If You Wear Dress Pants Put On The Socks Men

Updated on August 7, 2007

Gentlemen, Put Your Damn Socks On - Don't Get Me Started!

I know this is not a new thing but it just makes me so freaking crazy that I felt it was time for a good old, Don't Get Me Started about men who wear dress pants and dress shoes yet don't wear any socks. I truly believe this is one of the nastiest things in the universe (and probably the whole reason we have to watch those commercials with the cartoon character "Digger" the toenail fungus mascot). Here's the deal, you are NOT Clark Gable who when he took his shirt off in the movie, It Happened One Night and the public discovered her didn't wear a t-shirt sent the undershirt business to a crashing halt almost immediately. Men wanted to be like him and women wanted their men to be like him so everyone stopped wearing undershirts. Well, for those who choose to not wear socks with their suits, I say, guess what? You're not Clark Gable, not even close so gentlemen, put your damn socks on - Don't Get Me Started!

Last week on the show Top Designer on Bravo, not only did the fussiest designer in the world (and I'm being polite for once with that comment), Jonathan Adler not have socks on but also, guest judge, Tom Colicchio from Top Chef didn't have them on either. Every time they would cross their legs sitting on the stools in the judging room and I would see those bare ankles, I'd get more and more disgusted. So here's the deal, I can ALMOST forgive the overweight (Are you listening Mr. Colicchio?) as it seems to me that they could get a heart attack trying to get their leg up to get their socks on. You know these men, the ones who wear the loafers that are so worn down in the back from trying to wriggle their fat little feet into the shoe without a shoe horn. To these men I say, lose weight, put your socks on and get rid of any shoe that slips on and has a tassel (unless of course you're a court jester and they're very pointy). But I can almost forgive you for this sin due to the health peril it would put you in trying to hold in your breath and swing that leg up to get the sock on. But when it comes to the Queer Eye's Carson, or Jonathan Adler no sympathy here boys, put some socks on.

We have a relative who has done this for years and he actually accompanies the sockless shoe look with the horrific duck embroidered pants. I credit this fashion faux pas to the South. It seems to be that all those white, white, whiter than white people who go to the country club were looking for a way to make their wardrobe more whimsical and this is what they came up with as their big fashion trend. No socks and embroidered chino cloth on the bottom (oh yes, they make them in skirts for women and pants for men.) Although our relative thought that he was looking like the country club smart set, we all knew he was a good ol' Jew like the rest of us and that no matter how many ducks, geese and hunting dogs he had embroidered on his pants or how many loafers he wore without socks, he was never going to be truly accepted.

And why do we accept this whole no sock thing? I don't know but no pun intended, someone needs to put their foot down and I'm just the boy to do it. Can you even imagine how smelly these men's Kenneth Coles and Cole Haans must be at the end of the day? There aren't enough odor eaters in North America up to that challenge. And more than the hygienic reasons, let's face it, no matter how they try to make us think that it looks hip or cool, it's really just stupid looking. It looks like you were running out of the house and forgot to put socks on.

No, I have no interest (or stock) in the sock business but I feel for them because we're so susceptible to fashion trends, forsaking common sense and comfort for the latest and/or greatest (supposed) look. I say; take your feet back from the designers and southern men who are trying to get you to really stink up your shoes and look stupid. Call me old fashioned but socks are just a must in my book (the exception being when you're wearing sandals and if you ARE going to wear sandals for God sakes, at least trim your toe nails and have the sense to lotion up those crusty dusty heels, please). Let's face it, other than the say six million people who have a foot fetish, the rest of us pretty much just use them to get around and although we're not foot models, we should try to keep them as nice as possible when they are in sandals or flip flops. Otherwise, put those potatoes in their sacks before you put your shoes on. Gentlemen, put your damn socks on - Don't Get Me Started!

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      laughing 7 years ago

      wow, this must be one of the dumbest, nonsensical pieces ive ever read. you couldnt possibly be more misinformed.

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      Heidi Lehman 9 years ago

      Must be an American thing.

      I have never seen a man not wear socks with out shoes here in Australia.

      I agree it is only half dressed with out socks.

      love watching your shows. Currently "How to look good naked" here in Australia.

      Heidi Lehman

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      John Kelly 10 years ago

      I agree with a 100%. Tom's feet were almost coming out of his shoes last week. It was halirious.