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In Ten Days You Can Look Better Than You Do

Updated on December 10, 2007

It's Not Too Late To Look Better Than You Do For The Holidays - Don't Get Me Started!

I know that the holidays are almost here and if you're like me, you've just realized that in a very short time you're going to be seeing people you only see once a year. That's right, for those of us who travel to our past on holidays (in other words, if you're going to your hometown or in my case, somewhere you lived for eleven years) there's not only family to see but also friends. About now you've lost all hope of looking great and have decided that you'll just go ahead and wear the Santa suit and hope no one recognizes you. Well, let your Jewish gay pal help you out. It's not too late to look better than you do for the holidays - Don't Get Me Started!

I'm like most of the world when it comes to me in that I'm a procrastinator however unlike most procrastinators I never miss a deadline either. I'm one of those people who need the deadline to really make magic happen. And so looking good for the holidays is the same thing. I need that deadline and now that I have all the travel booked, I'm putting my war strategy in place and there's not going to be any stopping me. Now be assured that this method (while not approved by any doctors or fashion professionals - and I hold no liability whatsoever if you try this and either die or end up looking like your aunt that no one talks to because she looks so strange) however, I have used this method before and am in the process of it as we speak and so far, things are really looking up. So continue on and actually take the advice at your own risk!

Add A Workout - if you work out six times a week or no times a week, add one additional work out to your week. This will not only help you to be healthier but will also assist you in firming up areas that need to be firmer. No one wants to be waving on a parade float (or at the front door) and have their Tricep flab hit them in the face! The same can be said for your ass, you don't want to have someone helping you into a one horse opened sleigh, go up to give you a boost and find your caboose at the back of your knees instead of its God intended location!

The Cabbage Soup Diet - Okay, no there will not be a link to this diet as I don't want anyone dying on my watch. For those of you who haven't heard of this, this diet consists of eating cabbage soup along with specific other items each day to help you lose up to ten pounds in seven days. I heard that this diet was originally used for obese people who needed heart surgery but had to lose weight before they could have the surgery however, I've found nothing to support this anywhere. What I can tell you is that I've done it before and had decent results. (I'm in day five right now and have lost five pounds, not ten but I have two more days) Do I think this will keep the weight off forever, absolutely not but it's a jump start to you living healthier as this diet is a bit of a cleanse for the system (if you know what I mean) and also let's not forget the real reason for this diet - losing just enough so that your clothes are a little loose on you instead of zippers barely holding the excess skin back that is yearning to breathe free. If you choose not to go the radical route of a crash diet like this one, then just put down your fork a little sooner in the meal and you should manage to shave a couple of pounds off.

Rembrandt White Strips - No, I'm not getting a kick back from the company (oh that I were) these are just the ones that I like the best. Plus they're cheaper than most white strips (no surprise your Jewish gay pal likes and finds a bargain), they only take 5-7 days and your teeth really do get whiter. Again, these are my results yours may vary and don't hold me responsible if you suddenly look like Moms Mabley (Don't know who she is, Google her!).

The Hair - This is not the time to go for that new style you've been seeing in magazines or a drastic hair color change. However, if you're like most people you will need a haircut, trim or a little something done to your hair before the events begin. I'm scheduled this coming week which gives me a week before I travel to let it grow out just a smidge to be perfect as well as give me time to figure out how to style it so as to not look like someone who cut their hair with a Flowbee!

The Hands - Much like you can tell how old a tree is by cutting it and counting the rings in the trunk, for humans it's all about the hands. Someone can have the youngest looking face but if you look at their hands the true story will be told. Now this is the gayest thing I do but remember that I'll be seeing people I only see once a year so it calls for drastic measures. It's true; I do the whole coat your hands in a strong moisturizer and then put cotton gloves on to sleep. I don't know if this really does anything or not but all the 1930's movie stars did it and if it's good enough for Joan Crawford, it's good enough for me.

Tanning - I get it, this is bad for me but alas, this is the one time a year where vanity needs to take priority. Now you can do the harmless spray tan but that really makes me come out looking like the color tan from a bad poplin suit so I choose to go for the real deal when it comes to tanning. I know, I know, cancer is coursing through my family's veins more than their blood but you see, living in Vegas people expect you to be tan. They don't get that it's not like living at the Equator and I'm not working in the fields all day so I have to continually hear everyone say, "You live in Vegas. Where's your tan?" So to get rid of this question, look a little healthier and most importantly not look so white (remember that my mate is a six foot black man and I'm usually the only white face in the family photos) so I need to look as close to Lena Horne as possible on family occasions.

Rest assured that there's more I'm doing in order to ensure I look my absolute best this holiday season and while yes, I should want to look my best all year round I acknowledge the fact that I don't have the energy or the deadline in order to make that happen. My point is that you can do all of the little things above (and you'll discover as I did the first time I put this in action) that even if no one notices, I notice it and feel better about myself. And isn't that the most important thing, you feeling better about you? (Okay, I know that's what I was supposed to say but you and I both know that the real reason is to make everyone jealous of how good you look and they don't because they don't have a gay maven like me to help them out, right? Of course, right!) So although Jack Frost is already nipping at your nose and those holiday cupcakes are going to your thighs, it's not too late to look better than you do for the holidays - Don't Get Me Started!

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    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 10 years ago

      Absolutely agree Scott!! Don't we all wear cotton gloves on our hands AND feet with tons of moisturizer?? I even pulled out my medical grade wax melting dipping machine for my hands and feet!! Ooooouuuuch, it is hot but nothing beats it for zapping moisture into ignored parts!! Blessings!! Earth Angel!!

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 10 years ago from Las Vegas

      Earth Angel, Hey, that's what I'm here make people laugh at the ridiculousness of me and sometimes just sometimes they see themselves in the mix. I'm sure if I had better common sense, I wouldn't be telling everyone that I'm wearing cotton gloves over moisturizer slathered hands each night but then I wouldn't be me. Glad you laughed and glad to know I'm not alone. We can and will look better than us this holiday season!!!

    • Earth Angel profile image

      Earth Angel 10 years ago

      I look so forward to my morning laugh-out-loud with you Scott!! I do all the same things!! For all the same reasons!! I wait until the last minute, but never miss a deadline!! I just don't have the energy all the time to accomplish the level of self-maintenance I throw in to the fray when I am going to see those I haven't seen in a while!! (Funny, traveling to meet new people, I never feel the same obsession!!) I calculate how many miles I need to walk to firm up, how many days of self-tanning cream and teeth whitening, when to lighten my hair, get my nails done and have my eyelashes dyed!!

      Too, too funny Scott!! I guess I am more vain than I thought!! Thank you for another thigh-slapping good time!!

      Blessings, Earth Angel!!