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Is There Anything But Volleyball At The Olympics?

Updated on August 19, 2008

I know that there are several sports supposedly going on there in the China land for the Olympics and yet all I've seen every freaking time I turn on the television is volleyball. Is there anything but volleyball at the Olympics? - Don't Get Me Started!

Now I've heard all about Michael Phelps and even watched his many interviews with Bob Costas (and Michael's mother - incredible woman but come on, did you see the way her son looked at her in those interviews with so much love in his eyes? They're either Jewish or he's gay the way you can see him loving that mother of his with all of his might). But whenever I turn the television on to just watch the Olympics, all I ever seem to catch is the damn volleyball. It's as if I'm on some sort of Twilight Zone channel that can't be changed or something, "all volleyball all the time." Whether it's women's, men's, indoor, outdoor all I know is that I've seen it all and care about as much about volleyball as I do say, tetherball. I won't use the "hate" word as that's pretty strong but I can tell you that it wasn't one of my favorite sports going into these games and it won't be coming out of them either.

Lest you think I'm not Tivoing like there's no tomorrow, I have done that with the women's all around gymnastics but hey that's one event out of many. I'm sure many of you are feeling as though this is all my fault for not buying some glossy guide to the events to know exactly what is playing when but come on, is it so much to ask to see more than one event every time I tune in? And can anything truly be my fault? I think not.

What hurts the most perhaps is that I seemed to have missed all of the men's gymnastics. That's right, not one man in cute tight stirrup pants have I seen and that my friends is a gay mistermeanor of the highest order. If my Olympic challenged television could only get stuck on one thing oh why Lord couldn't it have been men's gymnastics? I could watch those boys hang from the rings for hours and never get tired of it. Whereas the whole, "Oops, the serve went into the net" leaves me cold. Bring on the buff boys with the chalk on their hands and muscles to rival some statue made of marble. It's like flowers for fuck sake. Look, I don't want to smell flowers or even know how they're made but I like to look at them and I'm thankful to whoever plants them and maintains them. The same can be said of the gymnast boys - hooray for whoever made ‘em and by all means, let's see them become as prolific as flowers in a lush garden, shall we? Oh wait that would be like Cirque, which let me say is keeping those gymnast boys in top shape here in Vegas and are available for the price of admission!

I remember that when I was little I watched the Olympics every night, all night. As someone who never possessed any skills when it comes to sports I have no idea why I was so fascinated by the whole thing. I guess it's because it's one of the largest stages in the world and stars are made seemingly overnight, just like Lana Turner supposedly being discovered at a drugstore counter in Hollywood. Sure, all she had to do was sit there in a tight sweater as opposed to Michael Phelps who was getting up at 5am every morning to swim but hey, in my world everything relates back to the golden age of Hollywood and the Olympics (steroids and all) still feels like it just a bit. So I'll keep trying to catch men in tight pants but until that time comes, here's to the Overhand Serve (Yes, I Googled it to find a Volleyball term - I'll watch it but I won't learn it!) Is There Anything But Volleyball At The Olympics? - Don't Get Me Started!

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