ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

It’s Official, I Have The Gayest Family In The World

Updated on June 27, 2008

For the longest time I was a bit like Tigger. You know, "the wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'm the only one." Or at least it seemed as though I was the only gay in the family. Sure there was that cousin of my father's who everyone always referred to as "Rita The Dyke" - in fact, I have no idea what her last name was - unless of course it actually was "Dyke" but I guess then that would make her middle name, "The" and although I've heard some doozies in my day, that's a middle name I haven't heard and seems a bit silly. So for the longest time I reveled in the fact that I was the self-appointed "Gaytriarch" of the family. However, that was all about to change and with a new recent family member on the roster it's official, I have the gayest family in the world! - Don't Get Me Started!

First there was a first cousin of mine who came out to me. I saw this one coming as all the while he was growing up (he's at least ten years my junior) everyone always said, "You're just like Scott" so let's face it, was he like me because we resembled one another (which we did) or because, know...the implied...? When he came out he was truly a force to be reckoned with as he was so gay that he made me feel not only like a heterosexual in comparison but also made me seem like the dullest person in the world. He had gay everything. I used to kid him that he probably was using gay soap and gay toothpaste. If it was "gay" he had it. But the best story of this cousin's coming out was when he took his parents to a gay Pride parade. Some history for you - my aunt and uncle were the ultimate hippies in their youth, driving across country in their VW van, making love not war. So it was with open arms they embraced their son's gayness (mostly because it seemed to explain why he had been such a pain in the ass in his formative years - or as they used to call me in my youth, "high strung"). So they went with their son to the Pride parade. When they arrived my aunt was very confused as it seemed as though they were at the end of the parade route but she went along with it, figuring her son knew where they should be. Well, turns out she thought they would be marching in the parade not watching it. She was disappointed, to say the least.

Next up was a second cousin once removed (I think that's the connection but I always get confused once you get to the seconds and the removal business). He came out to me and the worst part about all of this was that my first cousin (from the previous chapter) was the council for him and his parents during his coming out. The nerve, here I was fully prepared as the Gaytriarch to handle such matters yet I was never called upon. There was also another cousin who was one of the lesser knowns that came out and again, the gayest cousin in the world took care of the education process while I learned about it all second hand, much later and chose to just sit back a bit bitter about the whole thing.

So when the first cousin's first cousin on his father's side (only related to me by marriage) was young it seemed that we had yet another "Scott" on our hands and as he grew and entered high school he was bar mitzvah and soon after announced he was an official member of the club. So all ready you can see how lousy my family is with gays (read that blog here - ). But the semi-shocker this week (let's face it, even though people may say it themselves and relatives may say it, the truth is that I think it's more denial and not that they don't know they or someone else is gay - the stereotype rings true I'm afraid, gaydar does exist.) Well back to the semi-shocker, the first cousin's first cousin's Dad is gay! Oh, sure it was a suspicion of the entire family for quite some time but the rumor was officially confirmed and now with yet another gay (even if only by marriage) confirmed, it's true and it's official, I have the gayest family in the world! - Don't Get Me Started!

Read More Scott @


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 9 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      I happen to have lousy gaydar. Now you've given me a way to make an improvement, maybe. I'm going to keep my eyes open for the presence of gay toothpaste and soap in my friends' and family's houses and in people's shopping carts in the stores. That should help. Oh, and I think the newly coming out members of your family should have a little more respect for your seniority, Gaytriarch. :) Fun hub!

    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 9 years ago

      Ah, I see! ;)

    • somelikeitscott profile image

      somelikeitscott 9 years ago from Las Vegas

      Confusing, right? The first cousin is gay - the first cousin's first cousin (by marriage) is gay - and now the first cousin's first cousin's dad is gay. 3 gays for the price of 1 family!

    • Isabella Snow profile image

      Isabella Snow 9 years ago

      The first cousin's first cousin's dad is gay? Or the first cousin's dad is gay? And LOL @ gaytriarch!!