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Meeting For Anonymous Sex? If You’re a Jew You’ll Bring Cake!

Updated on November 11, 2008

At the risk of losing my standing as the only gay man to assist straightees in understanding the gay lifestyle (no, I was not being serious) sometimes you just have to be honest, no matter what the cost. I can finally admit it to all of you. I have never had anonymous sex. (Take a moment if you need it) That's right, never in a bar, a bar's backroom, a bar's bathroom or behind a bar in the alley. (Wow, suddenly bars seem much more interesting...note to self, go to bars more often) And as technology enabled the world to find a lot more people by trolling online I never joined the Craig's List/chatroom connection - largely due to the fact that I was all ready with the man of my dreams and in a committed gay monogamous relationship. However, a relative was recently telling me about another one of our relative's recent sexual encounters and I was doubled over. Doubled over trying to catch my breath as I found out that if you're meeting for anonymous sex? If you're Jewish you'll bring a cake! - Don't Get Me Started!

That's right in one of the funniest things I've ever heard I found out that a relative had decided to explore the options of finding a sexual mate online. And boy did he ever find it apparently. Now as I said, I have no real idea how this works and if someone was holding a gun to my head forcing me to show them how the whole world of gay sex online works I would be dead with a bullet in my head on the floor in moments. So apparently he meets someone online and they begin the dance of the chatting and then texting. After moments I guess it moves forward to the actual phone call of "here's where I live get over here in the next ten minutes and let's have sex" And because most in my life are overachievers like me, apparently it wasn't just one man, it was a couple of men. I guess before my relative hung up with his hopefully hunky and hung sex mates, he asked the only question that would absolutely identify him not only as a gay man but as a Jew. "Should I bring cake?" (We never go anywhere empty handed.)

I think (from what they tell me) the things that make the anonymous sex thing so exciting are that you don't know the people, don't know what to expect and if it's bad you never have to see them again. But what this relative also found out was that it wasn't very rewarding or really great when you're just "doin' it and not doin' it with someone you know and/or care about." But enough about deep thoughts and back to the fun, right?

Before he arrived at the house of his soon to be "luvahs", he programmed his cell phone with 911 as the first number and put the phone in his pocket, making sure to have his hand in his pocket as he went in with his finger placed firmly on the pre-programmed button. (All ready this seems like way too much work to me) Next he discovered that there was one man who was so short that he seemed four inches away from being an official "little person." Now I chose not to hear about the actual encounter but I guess he ended up only have sex with the short one. Afterwards they ordered a pizza and chatted. So I guess, in a way, this whole anonymous sex thing can sometimes end up like an actual date in reverse. While they were enjoying the pizza, he found out that the normal sized mate was Jewish too. Soon after the full sized Jew left to go into the other room. The small one explained that his mate was in the other room talking to the next anonymous sex mate and invited him to stay for round two. My relative chose to leave.

I'm trying desperately not to be judgmental but every part of me is sort of grossed out by the whole chatting to texting to eating pizza in the kitchen of someone you don't know with a little person you've just boffed (or who has just boffed you). Maybe I'm crazy but the whole scenario doesn't get me all. However, if I was going to go this route, no doubt in my mind if you're meeting for anonymous sex? If you're Jewish you'll bring a cake! - Don't Get Me Started!

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