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Miss America Please Open Your Closet

Updated on February 8, 2007

There's More Than Tiaras and Gowns In Miss America's Closet - Don't Get Me Started!

Okay, so if you read my blog from the other day you know that I was more than a little ticked off (as they say) to find no gays on the two hour reality show Pageant School: Becoming Miss America. I suspected that the lack of gays who have always and will always make the pageants what they are were pushed to the background for this show because after all, we all know that gays are not all American and we know that the people at CMT are not about to put on a gay show for fear of losing their redneck base. Now I'm not one for the outing of celebrities (or anyone for that matter) because it's a personal thing and I really think that people should be allowed to come out in their own time and own way but now thank God I live in Las Vegas where a local entertainment show recently interviewed some of the big wigs at the pageant and let me just say, there's more than tiaras and gowns in Miss America's closet - Don't Get Me Started!

Here's the deal, when I first saw the reality show I went on the Miss America website to just see if they had any gays on the board, etc. (I won't use names because it would be indiscreet but I'll give you enough context clues so that you can Google your way to the answer) I didn't find too much except one very high (clue is a word association with "high" and is what a small child sits in to eat) ranking officials whose photo and his bio made my gay "Spidey" senses go off. And although the bio states that he is married and has children, we all know that means next to nothing. When I worked for Disney, these were called Disney marriages. There were several executives, choreographers, directors, etc. who were married but as gay as gay could be. Oh, they had children and their wives mostly worked for Disney too and although I started out feeling a little sorry for the wives, this dissipated very quickly as come on, you'd have to be dead not to know that these guys were gay. They were gayer than Vincent Minnelli for Chrissakes!

So I'm watching this local entertainment show and here comes Mr. Tiara Polisher, and he starts to talk about the pageant, what it means, etc. Well, let me say the gay meter installed on my television almost exploded. (What? You didn't know you could get a gay meter installed?) I mean between this guy's eye rolling, gesturing and oh yeah, he's married to an ex-Miss something (another clue) there was no mistaking that this guy was gayer than gay. So it would naturally make even more sense that the gays are to not be seen or heard at the pageant, especially in their first televised reality show, if one of the big wigs is closeted.

I know many of you don't care about the Miss America pageant. But here's the deal, we all know that the "Gay Mafia" run Hollywood but if you don't think there's another "gay mob family" running Miss America then you know nothing about the whole pageant scene. And in this day and age, just be gay and get it over with all ready. What may be shocking to some of these closeted people is that no one cares if you're gay or not. Don't flatter yourselves to think that you are Rock Hudson or some iconic figure that the world can't imagine being gay. It's not 1950 anymore and celebrity is something anyone who gets to open a suitcase on national television can have so it's not all that elusive anymore.

And as I said earlier, I used to feel sorry for the women but in this day and age where every show on television is giving you insight into the fact that a guy doesn't have to swish and carry a show tune to be gay, you women should know better too. Don't be all surprised that the man who cared more about registering for your wedding and picking out the perfect duvet cover is gay six years from now when you have four children. And for that matter, don't be surprised to find that the guy who seemed like a regular guy is gay either. There's a thing called integrity and honesty that come in to play but unfortunately some men don't understand the importance of either of these things. So yes, they do shitty things like involve women in their masquerade which is completely unfair. But perhaps if some women would put away their desperation to walk a runway in a white gown and allow their own "Spidey" senses to take over, they wouldn't end up the long suffering spouses of a gay man. I'm not saying it's entirely the woman's fault but come on ladies, let's take some responsibility here, shall we?

We may never understand why people do the things that they do and that's part of the adventure of life. But what pissed me off with this whole Miss America thing shouldn't surprise any of us. I mean, how long was it before they even allowed black women to place in the finals for their state, let alone for the national competition? You may say it's not the same thing but I think that there are plenty of similarities here. The problem is that the gays I've met involved in the pageant are contented to have bugle beads in their eyes and pretend they are Miss America holding their "girl's" gown up to them in their living room. That may be all well and good for the local pageant people but it sure would be nice to see some integrity from the leaders of the pageant and allow the people who really make the pageant be represented in their programming. There's more than tiaras and gowns in Miss America's closet - Don't Get Me Started!

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