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Mistress Confessions Part V: The Mistress In the Mirror

Updated on August 19, 2008
Woman Standing in Front of a Mirror / Christoffer Wilhelm Eckersberg 1841
Woman Standing in Front of a Mirror / Christoffer Wilhelm Eckersberg 1841

Do you see the Mistress in the Mirror?

This series is not about judgment. I will leave that particular aspect to your own conscience, spiritual beliefs and to whomever you make the mistake of confiding in about your affair. if and when you try and talk to them about this, you may find that you have fewer "friends" than you thought you did, .

And yes, it is an affair - get familiar with the word now - because you are going to see and hear it quite often. I have no intention of watering things down for you by referring to your situation as it appears in the dictionary:

love affair: a romantic attachment or episode between lovers

I will give you the benefit of the doubt by assuming that you are or at the very least you believe that you are in love.

But before you get your feathers in a ruffle, please understand my purpose here is to get you to honestly look at every aspect of your particular situation and see it for what it is at the moment - all that you hope for it to become - and eventually the reality of what it is ultimately destined to be.

The first question that you should ask yourself in this process has already been posed for you in the definition above:

How long has your "relationship" been going on? Six months? A year? Ten years? Or perhaps even twenty or more? If your answer is a year or less - chances are that you are involved in a "fling".

fling: an informal/brief attempt or effort

Don't be insulted - (when one is having an affair - that can happen all too easily).

Just take a step back from the situation for a moment and look at where you stand with it emotionally. Think about how you really feel about the person that you are involved with and how much you are willing to sacrifice in order to continue to be with them.

Does the thought of being with someone who is taken and living on the verge of getting caught excite you? What is it that attracts you to him other than the fact that they "belong" to someone else? Or is that also part of the attraction? Can you say for sure that you are not with them solely for the sake of being involved in a "forbidden" relationship?

Don't panic and don't get defiant - just take a step back - take a look and be honest with yourself. Understand that having an affair - is a big responsibility.

It requires diplomacy, tact, and a whole lot of patience and if you don't have it, then I suggest that you develop a little bit of the first two and a butt-load of the last.

Because if you have chosen have an affair then you had better be damned sure about what you are doing and remain constantly aware of how you go about doing it.

Remember: In every affair there are always others to consider.

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    • profile image

      MONICA 

      8 years ago

      WHEN YOU MENTIONED THAT “Think about how you really feel about the person that you are involved with and how much you are willing to sacrifice in order to continue to be with them”,FOR ME,EVEN THAT PERSON IS NOT THE MAN OR WOMAN IN THE AFFAIR,IN A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP,WHEN YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH A SINGLE PERSON,YOU WILL HAVE THE SAME JUDGMENT FOR THE PERSON YOU ARE IN LOVE.IN THE OTHER WORDS,A MARRIED MAN AND A SINGLE MAN ARE SAME FOR ME.BOTH OF THEM CAN CHEAT ON YOU,MAKE UP ANY KIND OF STORIES,BUT ,THEY ARE NOT BAD PERSONS.WHEN THEY GIVE ME LOVE,I ACCEPT ALL WITH MY SOUL.

    • profile image

      blaker 

      10 years ago

      what, no part six? This is it? NOOooooo! Please, continue. This stouches on my own life and I need to see/read/hear it. I agree with evrything you've said thus far. Especially that we "live and we love"..that we don't plan to fall in love with a married man, nor he with [us], but being realistic means accepting the affair with all its pain and glory, and not being judgmental. Your columns here are something I've been needing like water in the desert. I am usually the one others come to for advice and perspective, but who is there or me? In my love for and with my mate, I have been going it alone as far as counsel is concerned. That last bit about asking oneself if his being already "forbidden" and taken were part of his appeal? That did me tremendous good, because I realized, without even having to think about it, that no. no it isn't. I thought he was single when we first met, and he's toyed with the idea out loud to me, and I wish he were--single I mean--he'd not lose one bit of his appeal for me; I'd be doing cartwheels if he ever left "the wife." But..I have told him, and meant it, and have been sticking by this: his marriage is his business; if ever he leaves it must be on his own terms, with no interference from me. I stick by my resolve; I know from experience that getting jealous and pushy is a huge mistake. But lately, wondering if he'll ever do it has become painful. I didn't ask it of him, wasn't going to. HE brought it up, and so now I have these secret hopes..but they have to remain private and not pursued, perhaps not ever, and I now that. Well anyway. Your writings here have been good medicine for at least one woman. Please continue.

    • profile image

      Other Woman 

      10 years ago

      Its so interesting reading this. I've been in a relationship with a married man, and but for the fact that he is married, we have the most open and honest relationship. It sounds quite wierd. Seeing that him being in a 'relationship' with me is quite dishonest. He has nothing to hide from me. He is quite candid about his wife and the issues that they have, he confides in me, there are little to no expectations..

    • ELFNTRU profile imageAUTHOR

      ELFNTRU 

      10 years ago from United States

      Whoa! Great point.

      But don't you think that BOTH men and women are capable falling or become mislead by conditions of the heart? Surely they are not all "assholes"? I encourage patience in any situation - especially one of this delicate nature. Lack of patience often leads to senseless and unnecessary behavior designed to provoke reactions from either their partner or other parties. An act which is usually done with the intention of "moving things along" or forcing the issue. The virtue of patience (regardless of the circumstance) is not a bad thing and it by no means makes a man or woman into a "doormat" or a "dirty little secret" - that is something that one "chooses" to become.

      Joanne Woodward was certainly no man's doormat!

    • lady luck profile image

      lady luck 

      10 years ago from Boston

      There is never a good outcome to affairs, saying women need to have patience is like asking them to lay down and be a doormat for some two timing asshole.

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